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Hailstorm

Saturday Night Live 2020 Season 46 Episode 6

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A local-news piece on a freak hailstorm keeps getting hijacked by two shop coworkers who can only talk about the kisses they shared on the porch.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

News Center 5 Albany cuts to the town of Pebble Falls to cover a once-in-a-century hailstorm. The anchors expect scary storm stories, but the witnesses mostly offer comparisons to golf balls and then wander into their own drama: two coworkers at the Wooden Nickel sheltered together, ended up kissing on a porch, and kept kissing under a rescue blanket. The anchors keep trying to steer them back to the flood while a neighbor admits she is unsure how she feels about her friends' new romance. When asked about the missing townspeople, one man offers an unsettling answer about his wife, and the anchors wrap up by gushing about the new couple before a stern reminder that they shouldn't try that with the anchor.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 5

Highly quotable.

If I had a nickel for every time that we kissed underneath that blanket, I would have about 45 cents.

She's missing. Probably dead, though.

Two co-workers who found something more.

ScriptEnglish · 42 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:04
Anchor
Welcome back to News Center 5, Albany. From the coronavirus to the red onion recall, there's been a lot of difficult news this year. And last night was no exception when a sudden hailstorm hit the nearby town of Pebble Falls. On any other day, Pebble Falls is a quaint town with the motto, come for the ice cream, stay for the bit wooden nickel. But never did its citizens think their town would be the site of a freak once-in-a-century natural event, a massive hailstorm that left them running for cover.
00:34
Rachel
We've had rain before, but not like this. They were like golf balls.
00:38
Jean
The hail was coming down from the sky. It was like golf balls.
00:42
Rudolph
And me, I found it to be similar to golf balls.
00:47
Anchor
Wow. That sounds scary. So what happened?
00:50
Rachel
Well, I was driving, and they started hitting my car.
00:55
Jean
I was closing shop, closing up shop at the Wooden Nickel, which is, of course, the place where I work.
01:00
Rudolph
AND I WAS HELPING HER, BECAUSE I ALSO WORK AT THE NICKEL. AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, THE SKIES OPENED UP, HAIL OUT OF NOWHERE.
01:09
Anchor
NOW, GENE AND RUDOLPH, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD A HORRORING EXPERIENCE TRYING TO GET INDOORS.
01:13
Jean
THAT'S RIGHT. THE HAIL WAS COMING DOWN SO HARD. AND WE WERE GRABBING ONTO EACH OTHER. WE COULD BARELY SEE ANYTHING.
01:20
Rudolph
YEAH, AND THEN FINALLY WE MADE IT UP TO GENE'S PORCH, AND THEN WE LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, AND WE WERE STANDING THERE, AND...
01:28
WE KISSED. On the lips. On their lips.
01:34
Anchor
Okay, yeah, it sounds like an emotional day. What happened next with the hail?
01:39
Jean
Right, well, at that point, you know, the rain had started, and the water level was rising in the street.
01:44
Rudolph
And I remember turning to Jean and saying, Jean, we kissed.
01:50
Jean
And we sort of pulled away like... And I was like, okay, that happened.
01:59
Anchor
Yeah, and hailstorm-wise, at that point, Jean, water was going into your house. Were you scared?
02:05
Jean
Yes, yes, I called my neighbor and I said, you know, hurry, hurry, you got to come quick. Okay. I have kissed Rudolph.
02:14
Anchor
Let's try to focus on the storm. The water was rising, so the rescue crew came.
02:19
Rudolph
No, no, no, we're not at the rescue crew just yet.
02:22
Jean
Yes, we're still on the porch, and we're holding each other for safety, and his hand wound up on my breast. And it was a friend's hand. And then, at some point, it became a lover's hand.
02:36
Anchor
Okay. Now, we're asking about the flood, though.
02:39
Rudolph
And then the rescue crew came, and they put a blanket over us. And I thought to myself, I'm underneath a blanket with Jean. And then she turned around, and, well, that was kiss number two.
02:52
Jean
And I did open my mouth for this one.
02:54
Rudolph
Yeah. If I had a nickel for every time that we kissed underneath that blanket, I would have about 45 cents.
03:02
Anchor
And okay you know yeah let's turn back to Rachel. Rachel, how are you affected by the events of yesterday?
03:11
Rachel
Well, my life was absolutely turned upside down. Okay, yeah, yeah. Thank you. Say more. Well, you know, they were both my friends, and now they're kissing? Oh! I'm not sure how I feel about it, but check back with me about that.
03:25
Anchor
Yeah, we're definitely not gonna do that. So, Gene, Rudolph, can you give us an update on the aftermath? How are things now?
03:33
Rudolph
Right, well, we've been texting. A lot.
03:39
Anchor
Oh, okay. You're together.
03:41
Jean
Well, we're not together. We haven't had that conversation yet. It's kind of hard to have that on television.
03:48
Anchor
Yeah, Gene, we're not asking you to.
03:50
Jean
But since you asked us to, I guess, what do you think?
03:56
Rudolph
Well, I mean, what do you think?
03:59
Jean
Oh, Rudolph.
04:01
Anchor
Several people in your town are missing. Have you been a part of those search
04:05
Rudolph
efforts?
04:07
Jean
No. I'm done
04:09
Rudolph
searching. Yes. We have found what we're looking
04:17
Anchor
for. And, Rudolph, I understand your wife is missing? Is that
04:22
Rudolph
right? Yes. Yes, it is. She's missing. Probably dead,
04:27
Anchor
though. Okay, thank you, Rudolph and Gene. Two co-workers. Two co-workers who found something more. Okay, well, don't you try that with me. Hmm. We'll be right back.