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Hallmark Dating Show
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On A Winter Boyfriend for Holiday Christmas, host Emily Cringle introduces Lauren, a workaholic city journalist assigned to prove Santa isn't real, and three bachelors straight out of Hallmark movies: Brian, a hometown Christmas tree farmer whose farm is threatened by a tech company; Prince Simon of a vaguely European kingdom, who must marry by Christmas to seal a peace treaty; and Nick St. Claus, who works one day a year and insists he is definitely not Santa. Lauren's questions expose the formula, from the stock footage she lives in to Brian calmly confessing that he is a ghost, and the prince's friend, the only Black man in town, arrives with encouragement but no backstory. A chime warns that Christmas will be canceled unless she chooses, the bachelors guess at a mystery object in a final round, and her father arrives to help her decide, with a snow globe advising her to marry Christmas itself. Emily closes the show by celebrating husbands as the true meaning of the season and urging viewers to stay straight.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 7
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Prince Simon, I live in stock footage of New York City that still has the Twin Towers in it.
Well, there's snowy mountains, and we all have British accents, so, you know, vague Europe.
That's right. I'm a hot ghost.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Aired December 14, 2019, the same weekend Hallmark Channel pulled a wedding commercial showing two brides after complaints; the host's closing sign-off jabs at the controversy.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Speaker 1
This is the Hallmark Channel. We make thousands of Christmas movies and gifts for teachers. Next up, it's our all-new holiday matchmaking show.
- 00:09
Emily Cringle
Emily Hello, I am Emily Kringle, and this is Hallmark's A Winter Boyfriend for Holiday Christmas. The only dating show from the makers of Hallmark holiday movies. Let's meet our bachelorette. She's a New York 6 and a Buffalo 10. It's Lauren.
- 00:28
Lauren
What's that, boss? More work? On it. Hi, I have to write a big article for the paper about how Santa isn't real. And the last thing I'm looking for is a guy.
- 00:38
Emily Cringle
Oh, we'll see about that. Okay, let's meet our Hallmark holiday hunks.
- 00:44
Brian
Hi, I'm Brian from your hometown. I work at a Christmas tree farm that might get bought out by a Googasoft computers unless we can come up with the money by Christmas.
- 00:57
Prince Simon
Hello, I'm Prince Simon of Caucasia. I've negotiated a peace treaty with our neighbors in Astopia. The only problem is, I can't sign it unless I'm married by Christmas.
- 01:08
Nick St. Claus
Oh, ho, ho, lo, I mean. I'm Nick St. Claus, I work one day a year, and my coworkers are, how do I say this, a little short. I'm not Santa.
- 01:18
Emily Cringle
Wow, those are hunks. Now, Lauren, whoever you pick will join you in the Hallmark Gazebo Suite, where you will share a single dry kiss. Okay, so who gets the first question?
- 01:32
Lauren
I'll start with royalty. Prince Simon, I live in stock footage of New York City that still has the Twin Towers in it. But Caucasus sounds incredible. What's it like?
- 01:43
Prince Simon
Well, there's snowy mountains, and we all have British accents, so, you know, vague Europe.
- 01:49
Lauren
Wow, it's dreamy. Let's go to Nick. My ex-fiancé answered work emails on Christmas, which made him the villain. Please tell me you take Christmas off.
- 01:59
Nick St. Claus
Yeah, that's gonna be a problem, because I work in the gift industry. So it happens to be my busiest time of the year.
- 02:07
Lauren
Ooh. Okay. That's Santa. Now, Brian, you're always saying meaningful phrases, and you're afraid of fire. Be real with me. Are you a ghost?
- 02:18
Brian
That's right. I'm a hot ghost. And, yes, my thing is invisible.
- 02:26
Lauren
Oh, that's too bad.
- 02:27
Emily Cringle
Well, Lauren, any frontrunners?
- 02:30
Lauren
Well, I'm leaning towards the prince, but I want to get to know him better.
- 02:34
Emily Cringle
Well, then why don't we bring in Simon's friend, the one black person in town.
- 02:39
Prince's Friend
Yo, yo, girl, I'm going to break it down for you like this. Yo, the prince, he's in love with you. Go get your man.
- 02:46
Lauren
Thanks. And what do you do over the holidays?
- 02:49
Prince's Friend
I clap when he kiss.
- 02:51
Lauren
Well, what's your name?
- 02:54
Prince's Friend
I-I-I-I don't know Christmas. Leave me alone, man. I don't have a backstory.
- 02:59
Emily Cringle
Ooh, and that chime means it's almost Christmas. And if you haven't chosen someone to marry by then, Christmas is canceled and the killer goes free. So it all comes down to this final question. Bachelors, what is this?
- 03:16
Uh, Christmas fork? Uh, Santa's trident. A dreidel?
- 03:22
Emily Cringle
Hmm, judges?
- 03:24
Yeah, we'll allow it.
- 03:25
Ha! I won. I won.
- 03:28
Lauren
Just don't know. I mean, give up my job and my very gay friend in the city? I mean, for things that are actually good, like Christmas and man? I mean, if only my dad were here. He always knows what to do.
- 03:42
Father
Hiya, pumpkin.
- 03:44
Lauren
Daddy, you made it.
- 03:46
Father
Oh, Christmas just hasn't been the same since your mother exploded.
- 03:51
Lauren
-"Oh, Daddy, who do I choose?"
- 03:54
Father
-"Well, sweetheart, listen to the snow globe."
- 04:00
Lauren
-"It says, choose Christmas?" That's it! Oh Merry -"Christmas."
- 04:07
-"Yes!"
- 04:08
Emily Cringle
-"Well, that's right. The true reason for Christmas is husband. So this has been A Winter Boyfriend for Holiday Christmas. I'm Emily Kringle for Hallmark, reminding you to stay straight out there.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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