You're tuned to the good stuff
Elf on the Shelf
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Santa gathers his Elf on the Shelf scouts at the North Pole to hear how each household is behaving. Two elves give cheerful updates, but the weary elf watching a thirteen-year-old boy asks to be reassigned because the boy has discovered a new habit that now fills his days. Santa insists every human act is either naughty or nice, while the elf, who cannot even close his eyes, tries to explain that nothing about this is simple.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I want a new kid, Santa.
All elves know that everything humans do is either naughty or it's nice.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Speaker 1
During the Christmas season, Santa sends an elf to every child's home to see if they're being naughty or nice. All day they watch their child, never blinking and never moving. And each night they return to the North Pole to report back to Santa.
- 00:16
Santa Claus
Ho, ho, ho! Welcome back, elves on shelves. I hope you've all been keeping a good eye on your children.
- 00:27
Dottie
Yes, Santa.
- 00:28
Santa Claus
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful! Dottie, how has little Elizabeth been this year?
- 00:34
Dottie
She's been a very good girl, Santa. She's listening to her parents and doing her chores.
- 00:40
Santa Claus
Splendid! And how is little Matthew, Deedlebeep?
- 00:44
Deedlebeep
Well, he didn't want to eat his vegetables at dinner.
- 00:48
Santa Claus
Oh, no!
- 00:49
Deedlebeep
But then he did, and he liked them!
- 00:52
Santa Claus
Hooray! And what about young Marshall, Scrabby?
- 00:58
Scrappy
I want a new kid, Santa.
- 01:01
Santa Claus
But why? You've been watching Marshall for 13 years.
- 01:07
Scrappy
Things have changed this year. He figured out he could do a certain thing with his body. Now he won't stop doing it.
- 01:17
Santa Claus
With his little brother, that would be very naughty indeed.
- 01:24
Scrappy
No, this is definitely a solo activity. Considering I can't close my eyes, I have no choice but to wash them and, you know, he does do it a lot.
- 01:34
Santa Claus
Hmm. Well, is what he's doing naughty, or is it nice?
- 01:40
Scrappy
It's not really easy, Santa.
- 01:43
Santa Claus
That's silly, Scrabby. All elves know that everything humans do is either naughty or it's nice.
- 01:51
Scrappy
This isn't so black and white, Deedlebeep. it's just a thing that humans learn how to do and then they go insane for a while they do it non-stop please Santa, can I have another kid
- 02:04
Santa Claus
but Marshall loves you Scrabby
- 02:07
Scrappy
I know sometimes he looks at me when he's doing I think he's trying to make me a part of it
- 02:14
Santa Claus
well lucky you Scrabby now what does each of your What do your children want for Christmas this year?
- 02:22
Dottie
A train set.
- 02:23
Deedlebeep
A new soccer ball.
- 02:25
Scrappy
I don't want to say.
- 02:28
Santa Claus
Oh, Scrabby, certainly Marshall wants something from Santa. Let's see what's on my list. Oh, Scrabby, you spelled flashlight wrong.
- 02:40
Scrappy
I wish that were the case.
- 02:42
Santa Claus
Well, is there anything else he wants?
- 02:46
Scrappy
I mean, I get some soft socks.
- 02:48
Santa Claus
Oh, oh, oh, oh! Well, then he shall have the softest socks in the land.
- 02:55
Scrappy
Well, I'm gonna stay that way, Santa.
- 02:59
Santa Claus
Scrabby, it sounds like you don't like Marshall anymore.
- 03:03
Scrappy
No, no, I do. It's just 13 is a confusing age.
- 03:08
Santa Claus
Whatever do you mean?
- 03:10
Scrappy
I don't know. He, like, looks at his body, and he has, like, these little boobies, and he squeezes real hard, you know, like, because he hates them and he's mad at them. He's like, ugh, go away.
- 03:22
Scrappy
Oh, my, that's odd. Ugh. Can I, listen, can I please have another kid?
- 03:29
Santa Claus
Oh, I think I know what's happening. You're upset he's growing up. Oh, he grow up, Santa. That's done. Don't be sad, Scrabby. Every kid stops believing in a Sunday, but then they have kids of their own, and the magic starts again.
- 03:48
Scrappy
I don't know if Marshall will have anything left in the bank by then.
- 03:53
Santa Claus
Well, I can't wait to visit all your children and bring them Christmas cheer.
- 03:58
Scrappy
Yeah, well, just make a lot of noise when you get to Marshall's room. He'll stop for a few seconds if he hears something.
- 04:03
Santa Claus
Oh, Scrabby, you are a silly elf. Now back to your children.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
