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Kissing Family: Funeral
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Ronnie Vogelcheck warns his girlfriend Shelley that his family is close before they arrive at the funeral home for his great-grandfather's service. His mother, father Gary and brother Dwayne immediately greet him with long, noisy kisses on the mouth, and Gary lectures Shelley on the family motto of never apologizing. The smooching spreads to Father Yankovich, who is also kissed full on the lips, while two separate visitors who wander in looking for another funeral get the same treatment before being sent to the right room. Mrs. Vogelcheck's hospitality turns uncomfortably personal, and a rattled Shelley offers to step outside, but Gary decides she simply needs to understand the family's affection. He tells a tender story about his grandfather coming home from the bakery to smooch everyone, then leans into the open coffin and kisses the corpse goodnight. Rather than fleeing, Shelley is won over and declares that this is a real family as she joins in.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 9
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
We have a saying in the Vogelcheck family: never say you're sorry and never admit you're wrong.
If you need any cream, let me know. I'm still lactating after all these years.
Now this is a family!
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:04
Ronnie
Oh Shelly, thank you so much for traveling with me to my great-grandpa's funeral.
- 00:07
Shelley
Are you kidding? You're my guy. I want to be with you, the good times and the bad.
- 00:12
Ronnie
Well, I guess one good thing to come out is that you get to meet the whole family, but I should probably tell you my family is pretty close.
- 00:18
Mrs. Vogelcheck ?
Oh, it's so good to see you. Oh, look at you all sharp in your suit. I'm so glad that you could make it to the service.
- 00:27
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Oh, hey there. You look like my son, Ronnie.
- 00:32
Ronnie ?
Hey, Dad. Hey, I'm sorry about Grandpa Fogeljack.
- 00:34
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Oh, it's okay. He lived a full life.
- 00:36
Ronnie ?
Yeah.
- 00:36
Gary Vogelcheck ?
It's in a much better place.
- 00:37
Mrs. Vogelcheck ?
Yeah. I'm just happy that we could all be together.
- 00:44
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Don't you forget, your great-grandfather loved you. He loved you. Do you understand that? You're a man. He loved you. Yeah. He loved you.
- 00:52
Ronnie
Mom, Dad, this is Shelly, the girl I told you about.
- 00:56
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Miss Shelly, thank you for being here.
- 00:59
Shelley
I'm so sorry for your loss.
- 01:01
Gary Vogelcheck
Oh, I appreciate that. But we have a saying in the Vogelchek family, never say you're sorry and never admit you're wrong
- 01:07
Mrs. Vogelcheck ?
Ronnie we'll be here for a little bit and then proceed to the service
- 01:12
Gary Vogelcheck ?
my beautiful wife she's handled all the details this week you know you are you're my rock you are my rock
- 01:20
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
Hey, any of that humpy-dumpy in here?
- 01:26
Ronnie ?
hey Dwayne
- 01:27
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
a new girlfriend I used to play with doll come on man I'm just I'm just trying to lighten the mood, you know?
- 01:31
Come here, here. Mmm. Mwah. All right.
- 01:49
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Dwayne.
- 01:49
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
Hey. Hey, Pop. All right. Ma.
- 01:51
Mrs. Vogelcheck ?
Oh, Oh, Dwayne, thank you for picking up all the cold cups.
- 01:57
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
I don't mention it. It's just a bunch of turkey rolled up in little shapes, you know?
- 02:01
Pastor ?
Excuse me. Is this the service for Arthur Monroe?
- 02:04
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Oh, I'm sorry. This is the wrong room.
- 02:06
Pastor ?
Oh. Well, thank you kindly.
- 02:08
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Okay. Mwah.
- 02:11
Mrs. Vogelcheck ?
Come on. Let's take a load off. Yeah.
- 02:13
Good seeing you, too. You look great. You look really, really great. You look good. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks, Dad. Thanks. Oh. Oh.
- 02:25
Father Yankovich ?
Hello, Vogelcheks.
- 02:26
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Father Yankovic, we're so glad you could be here.
- 02:29
Father Yankovich ?
Please know, Grandfather Vogelchek is at peace.
- 02:32
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Thank you.
- 02:39
Father Yankovich ?
Dwayne, I haven't seen you at services in a while.
- 02:41
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
Hey, Father, I don't mean disrespect.
- 02:42
Gary Vogelcheck ?
You listen to this man. He's very religious.
- 02:44
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
Thank you. I respect you. You're a wise man. You're a smart man. And a good one. Sorry, Father.
- 02:52
Father Yankovich ?
It's okay. I don't mind. It's fine.
- 02:55
Mrs. Vogelcheck
Uh, Shelly, please feel free to grab something to eat. I'm sure you're hungry after that flight.
- 03:00
Shelley
Thanks, Mrs. Vogelcheck. I think I might, um, grab some coffee.
- 03:06
Mrs. Vogelcheck
Oh, okay. Well, if you need any cream, let me know. I'm still lactating after all these years.
- 03:10
Mourner ?
Purpose for Arthur Monroe.
- 03:14
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
Oh, sorry, wrong room.
- 03:15
Mourner ?
Oh, thank you.
- 03:16
Dwayne Vogelcheck ?
Oh, my pleasure. Mwah.
- 03:18
Mmm.
- 03:19
Shelley
I think you know what ronnie i think maybe I should just, um, go outside and just let you guys grieve as a family.
- 03:39
Ronnie ?
Uh, no, babe, you don't have to.
- 03:40
Gary Vogelcheck
Oh, hold on, hold on. I think I know what's going on here. I think Shelly here might be a little uncomfortable with all of this affection. affection let me Let me tell you a little story. See this man here? This is my grandfather, Grand Popo Vogelchek. For 90 years, he worked in a bakery making sweet little cookies to support his family. Every night, he would come home and smooch his family. So we knew we were loved. We're a close family. Can I say, I guess we're little old Vogelcheks.
- 04:17
That was beautiful
- 04:18
Gary Vogelcheck ?
Good night sweet prince
- 04:39
Yeah.
- 04:40
Shelley ?
Now this is a family!
- 04:42
Yeah. Mwah!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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