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Remembrances
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
At the funeral of Joseph Bearwald, a priest tries to wrap up the remembrances and send everyone next door for homemade nachos, but the speakers keep coming. A nephew announces that his late uncle's prized neon green Swatch has gone missing and leaves an UGG boot on the coffin for its no-questions-asked return. Graham Yost, a botanist and stand-up comedian who barely knew the deceased, jokes about being Joseph's secret lover and plugs his upcoming club dates. Gail pleads for someone to kill the rodent scuttling under her floorboards and offers an unsettling reward, a long-haired cousin shows off his new blonde girlfriend with a smooching noise into the microphone, and Hamilton Whiteman turns his year of family deaths into a doom-laden rant about Barack Obama before admitting he took the watch. After another mourner makes a strange noise into the microphone, Glenda Goodwin, who never knew the dead man, dedicates an admiring song about Sasquatch to him, and as the gathering finally drifts toward the nachos Graham returns to read out his rescheduled show dates.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 11
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
My name is Graham, like the cracker. My last name is Yost, like French toast, but with a Y.
With the utmost respect to Joseph's wife of 31 years, I have been Joseph's secret lover for 32.
You don't need a coat, but you do need a comb, because your body is basically a beard.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Aired in the season 34 finale, after which featured players Michaela Watkins and Casey Wilson were let go.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:03
Mourner
And even though I only knew Mr. Bear Wald for a short time, I will treasure my memories of him for the rest of my life.
- 00:12
Priest
Thank you, thank you, that was lovely. All right, we've heard a lot of wonderful stories about Joseph today, and now we're going to move our celebration into the adjoining room for soft drinks and delicious homemade nachos. Thank you to the Hernandez family for that. Yes, absolutely, of course. Um, one last, one last remembrance of Joseph Bearwall.
- 00:34
Nephew
Hey, everybody. Uncle Joey was a great guy, and, uh, before he passed away, he said I could have his watch. It's a neon green swatch. It's a collector's item, and it's missing. If you have it, I'm gonna put this UGG boot on top of the coffin, okay? Put the watch in the boot, and there'll be no questions asked. I appreciate it.
- 01:03
Priest
There we go. That's lovely. Okay, all right, so a sad turn of events on top of a very tragic loss, but now we're gonna move on. We're gonna take the... No, of course, of course. This will be the very last... I know I heard you, I know I'm gonna do it. This will be the very last remembrance, and FYI, there is another service in here in five minutes, so okay.
- 01:27
Graham Yost
Hey, my name is Graham, like the cracker. My last name is Yost, like French toast. but with a Y. There is no A. If there are any movie buffs here, I bear no blood relation to the screenwriter of Speed, but I am currently on it. And, uh, but I'm joking about that. I am a botanist and a stand-up comedian. And with the utmost respect to Joseph's wife of 31 years, I have been Joseph's secret lover for 32. and And that is also a joke. I have never met a lot of you but I just want to say that I will really miss Joseph and I also be performing at the Comedy Shop on May 29th 30th June 1st 2nd 5th 7th and 25th if you'd like a flyer I'll just leave a stack on the casket I know that Joseph would have wanted you all to be there every night
- 02:30
Priest
great thank you thank you we'll be sure to look out for your show okay so it looks It looks like we're done in here, and I'm happy to say that... Okay, one last one, this is the last one, this is it.
- 02:43
Gail
There There is is a large rodent of some kind trapped in my floorboards, and I hear it scuttling about whenever I am home alone. If there is anyone here who can kill it, I will give you the rewards of the flesh that you will never forget.
- 03:05
Priest
Okay, thank you, that is a wonderful offer. All right, so we've really got to move on now, and
- 03:10
Rock and Roll Shorts Guy
hey look at this all the bare-walled cousins in one room trip on that you know I know a lot of you I've been saying that I could never get myself a blonde yeah well turn around and take a look at the back all of you turn around that's mine a blonde I got myself a blonde you guys are looking for me later I'll be in the back making out think you guys know what that sounds like sounds like this times two
- 03:54
Priest ?
great there we go
- 03:55
I would recommend that everyone look up the word respect in the dictionary when they get home that would be you're killing me
- 04:04
Hamilton Whiteman
this Is year I have seen so much death my cousin Earl died in my arms after a horrible run-in with the water taxi mother died two weeks later in an accident for which I'm currently being framed perhaps the most tragic death is the death of the American dream because of the failed economic policies of Brock Hussein Obama I say his middle name because it matters this is a man who will be shutting down the Guantanamo Bay Detention Center and letting a bunch of turbans run willy-nilly to terrorize my United States of America. So say goodbye to your loved ones and enjoy 2009 because 2010 is going to be a bloodbath of people of all proportions. I took the watch.
- 05:13
Priest ?
Wonderful. Wonderful. Mystery. The mystery has... Wow, what What is is that? Well, okay. All right. So that is it. So we're now gonna meet Where did Where did you get that?
- 05:37
Glenda Goodwin
my name is Linda Guthrie and I have not known this guy for no time
- 05:41
Priest ?
Okay
- 05:42
Glenda Goodwin
But one thing I do know, Watches are real and very freaky and I would like to dedicate this song to this dead person Amazing Your powers are many you walk through that woods and get photographed You don't need a coat, but you do need a comb, because your body is basically a beard.
- 06:11
Priest ?
That's very good. That's very good.
- 06:12
Glenda Goodwin ?
Thank you. Where's two?
- 06:13
Where? Here. hey, yeah, hey, yeah, Here. Here.
- 06:22
Glenda Goodwin ?
Oh, year, A year, are the nachos.
- 06:25
Priest ?
they're right in there.
- 06:26
Glenda Goodwin ?
Thank you so much, young lady.
- 06:29
Priest ?
Okay, so what I'd love for everybody to do at this point is just...
- 06:34
Graham Yost
One of my show dates has been canceled, so I have to make some quick changes. I'm no longer doing the show on the 7th.
- 06:41
Priest ?
Okay.
- 06:42
Graham Yost
I do have good news, though. We were able to add some shows in September.
- 06:46
Priest ?
No.
- 06:46
Graham Yost ?
September 4th.
- 06:47
Priest ?
Okay, I'm out of here. All right.
- 06:49
Graham Yost ?
September 9th. September 8th.
- 06:52
Glenda Goodwin ?
Amazing nachos.
- 06:54
Graham Yost ?
The 3rd.
- 06:54
Glenda Goodwin ?
How zesty that is.
- 06:56
Graham Yost ?
September 14th.
- 06:57
Glenda Goodwin ?
So delicious.
- 06:58
Graham Yost ?
Two shows on the 15th.
- 06:59
Glenda Goodwin ?
Do you want a bite?
- 07:00
Graham Yost ?
Oh, those are good.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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