I Drink Your Milkshake

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00

   You're watching The Food Network, porn for fat people.

2. 00:05
   

   Daniel Plainview

   My name is Daniel Plainview. This is my son and partner, H.W. Plainview. I'm an oil man. I travel from state to state searching for oil-rich fields which I can drill on. But when I'm not doing that, I'm on a country-wide quest for my second love, the perfect milkshake. Welcome to my show.

3. 00:28

   Oil! Each call it liquid gold, but I prefer my liquids cold. Go from town to town, empty cups in my wake, and drink your milkshake!

4. 00:42
   

   Daniel Plainview

   Each week on I Drink Your Milkshake, we visit a famous ice cream parlor or soda fountain. Today we find ourselves in a Geraghty's Dairy Parlor in Bangor, Maine. But enough talk. Let's go drink a milkshake, shall we? Good good day, sir, ma'am.

5. 01:02

   Patron

   Uh, hello?

6. 01:04
   

   Daniel Plainview

   I'm Daniel Plainview. This is my partner in Sun HW. I'm an oil man, but I also love milkshakes. and now I'm going to drink your milkshake what do you think of that

7. 01:19

   Patron

   I'm sorry I don't understand

8. 01:21
   

   Daniel Plainview

   well let me explain it to you you have a milkshake and I have a straw

9. 01:26

   Patron

   well that's a really big straw

10. 01:29
    

    Daniel Plainview

    and my straw goes across the room and I drink your milkshake yeah i drink it up yeah

11. 01:45

    Patron

    well I I have a cold, buddy, so joke's on you.

12. 01:49
    

    Daniel Plainview

    Each week on I Drink Your Milkshake, I'm joined by a special guest. This week, it's my good friend, Mexican businessman and assassin, Anton Sugar.

13. 02:01

    Go from town to town. empty cups on my way I'd drink your mouth, Jake

14. 02:06
    

    Daniel Plainview

    How How are you, Anton?

15. 02:09
    

    Anton Chigurh

    What business is it of yours how I am, friend-o?

16. 02:14
    

    Daniel Plainview

    Very good, very good. You remember my boy, H.W.? Oh, No! No! I've abandoned my child! I've abandoned my boy! I've abandoned my child! Oh, here he is. He's right here. I thought I lost him. Whatever. Ah. Another milkshake. Good Good day, old man. I'm going to drink your milkshake.

17. 02:47

    Patron

    No, you're not. Go get your own milkshake.

18. 02:50
    

    Anton Chigurh

    Let me handle this. What's the most you ever lost on a coin flip?

19. 02:57

    Patron

    Well, I don't know. I couldn't say.

20. 03:01
    

    Anton Chigurh

    Call it.

21. 03:02

    Patron

    Call it?

22. 03:03
    

    Anton Chigurh

    Yes.

23. 03:04

    Patron

    For what?

24. 03:05
    

    Anton Chigurh

    What? Just call it.

25. 03:08

    Patron

    Well, we need to know what we're calling it for here. We better not be calling it for my milkshake.

26. 03:14
    

    Anton Chigurh

    We're calling it for your milkshake.

27. 03:16

    Patron

    I thought so. Well, no deal. I'm drinking my milkshake. Sir, please tell your wife to stop bothering me.

28. 03:23
    

    Daniel Plainview

    This isn't my wife, this is a man.

29. 03:25

    Patron

    A man? Then why do you have a lady's hairdo?

30. 03:29
    

    Daniel Plainview

    that's That's all the time we have. Join me next week. We go to the Moose Shop in Kenosha, Wisconsin with my special guest, a young pregnant girl named Juno.

31. 03:48
    

    Juno

    My kudos to whoever shook this shake, Magnum.

32. 03:51
    

    Daniel Plainview

    I'm sorry. Are you speaking English?

33. 03:54
    

    Juno

    Where's the bathroom phone, Boney's Jones? I got the urge to purge.

34. 04:03
    

    Daniel Plainview

    I'm finished!

35. 04:29

    We'll be right back.