Bronx Beat: Brian Williams

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:07

   Oh, it's her fault. It's her fault, Janet. Oh, my God, hello. Hello.

2. 00:10
   

   Betty Caruso

   All right, welcome to Bronx Beat.

3. 00:12
   

   Betty Caruso

   I'm Betty.

4. 00:13
   

   Jodi Deitz

   And I'm Jodi.

5. 00:13

   Yeah. We knew that. Yeah, all right.

6. 00:14
   

   Betty Caruso

   So why aren't you drinking your coffee?

7. 00:16
   

   Jodi Deitz

   Oh, what, I didn't tell you? I go to the doctor yesterday. Newsflash. I got IBS. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Ugh.

8. 00:22
   

   Betty Caruso

   Who doesn't have it?

9. 00:24
   

   Jodi Deitz

   No chocolate, no nuts, no cheese. No. No coffee. What? No wine. What? No salt. What? No pepper. What?

10. 00:33
    

    Betty Caruso

    Nightmare. What can you eat? What can you have?

11. 00:35
    

    Jodi Deitz

    Oh, here's what I can have. Water. Yeah, I can have as many helpings and nothing as I want. It's an all-you-can-eat buffet.

12. 00:43
    

    Betty Caruso

    You know what? If I had IBS, I would kill myself.

13. 00:46

    Toodle-oo, sayonara, bye-bye. Bye-bye.

14. 00:49
    

    Betty Caruso

    Well, you know what? At least the weather's turned.

15. 00:51
    

    Jodi Deitz

    Oh, sweater weather. Sweater weather. Sweater weather. Oh, God, I would love...

16. 00:53
    

    Betty Caruso

    Finally, sweater weather.

17. 00:55

    Sweater weather. About time. It's about time. Sweater weather. Sweater weather. Oh, thank God. Sweater weather. Sweater weather. Oh, boy.

18. 01:02
    

    Jodi Deitz

    All right. Well, we got a guest.

19. 01:03
    

    Betty Caruso

    Every time with the guests.

20. 01:04
    

    Jodi Deitz

    I know, but you know what I figured out? THE SOONER WE GET THE GUEST OUT HERE, THE SOONER WE CAN GET THE SHOW OVER WITH, THEN WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE AND HAVE A NICE GLASS OF WINE. WHAT AM I TALKING GLASS OF WINE? I GOT IBS. I CAN'T HAVE ANY OF THAT UNTIL MY LIFE IS OVER.

21. 01:15
    

    Betty Caruso

    LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. YOU HAVE A GLASS OF WINE, YOUR BUTT'S GONNA EXPLODE.

22. 01:18
    

    Jodi Deitz

    TRUE.

23. 01:20
    

    Betty Caruso

    ALL RIGHT, WELL, LET'S BRING ON OUR FIRST GUEST. HE'S A FIREFIGHTER HERE IN THE BRONX, AND HE'S GONNA TALK TO US ABOUT FIRE SEARCHING.

24. 01:25

    ALL RIGHT, JENNA, BRING HIM OUT. HIS NAME IS PAUL DOOLEY. JENNA, BRING HIM OUT. BRING HIM OUT, JENNA. HELLO, MR. TOOLEY.

25. 01:30
    

    Paul Dooley

    HI. HOW ARE YOU?

26. 01:32

    HOW ARE YOU DOING? HANDSOME. HOW ARE YOU DOING? HANDSOME. LOOK AT YOU. HANDSOME. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

27. 01:37
    

    Paul Dooley

    THANK YOU.

28. 01:38

    VERY HANDSOME. LIKE ALL FIREFIGHTERS, AM I RIGHT? YEAH, RIGHT.

29. 01:42
    

    Paul Dooley

    I DON'T KNOW, BUT THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME ON YOUR SHOW. I JUST, ME AND SOME OF THE GUYS AT 114 LADDER, WE'RE GOING AROUND THE BOROUGH, MOSTLY SCHOOLS, MOSTLY CHILDREN, TALKING TO PEOPLE ABOUT FIRE SAFETY PREPAREDNESS.

30. 01:56

    SURE. All right.

31. 01:57
    

    Betty Caruso

    You know what? Hey, hey, did you hear those California fires started by man, not nature? Yeah, yeah. Some jerk woke up, got out of bed, put his pants on and said, you know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to light a fire and ruin a bunch of people's lives. You know what I would say to that guy? I would say, I'm glad you like fires because you're going to burn in hell.

32. 02:12

    Yeah. Right, Paul? Right?

33. 02:14
    

    Paul Dooley

    Yeah, well, you know, arson's a very serious crime. Most of your fires, though, are started accidentally. THAT'S WHY IT'S SO VIOLENTLY IMPORTANT TO FIREPROOF YOUR HOME, ESPECIALLY WITH THE UPCOMING HOLIDAY SEASON.

34. 02:26
    

    Betty Caruso

    you know what holiday I am glad is over Halloween HALLOWEEN. YEAH, STUPID HALLOWEEN. I GOTTA BUY CANDY FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S KIDS. I HAD A FULL-GROWN MAN COME TO MY DOOR IN JEANS AND A WHITE-HOODED SWEATSHIRT AND SAID HE WAS A GHOST. DEMANDED CANDY. FORGET ABOUT IT. BEGGARS AND BUMPS. YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BUY BEER, YOU'RE OLD ENOUGH TO BUY YOUR OWN CANDY. GET THIS. MY LITTLE ONE WANTS TO GO TRICK-OR-TREATING as a pussycat doll all right i said no wait 11 year old girls do not wear shiny underwear no you are going as nemo just like you did the last three years yeah

35. 02:58

    let me tell you something you got to watch that one it's going to be hard to keep her off the pole true so what Paul, what else do we need to know stop dropping raw right

36. 03:08
    

    Paul Dooley

    well i mean basically every household should have a plan for how to escape during the fight

37. 03:14

    let me ask you there's a fire in your house what's the one thing he's supposed to grab yeah paul tell us what to grab tell us what to grab paul what do we grab What do we grab? What do we grab? You know what I would grab? I would grab my kids and my holiday leather pants. Nice.

38. 03:27
    

    Paul Dooley

    You know, we normally advise everyone not grab anything, just get out.

39. 03:30

    Yeah.

40. 03:31
    

    Jodi Deitz

    I would also grab my husband, but I would also have to grab the TV set, because that would be the only way to lure him out, because he's so dumb. But I love him. Oh. Give me my two daughters. Here we go. And my son. All of whom I would also grab. Oh, my God. The IBS has made me so emotional.

41. 03:50
    

    Betty Caruso

    Newsflash, Jodi. Newsflash. You were born emotional. Go ahead, Paul. What else? What else?

42. 03:53
    

    Paul Dooley

    Oh, I was just going to say, not to put too fine a point on it, if fire breaks out, really, all you should grab is yourself.

43. 03:59

    Well, that's good, because my husband's an expert at grabbing himself. Nice. Thank you. You know what? Firemen are hunky. You know why? You know why they're hunky? Because they protect you. Yeah. You know what I bet you got, Paul? You know what I bet you got? Killer abs. What's that? You got rippled abs. Yeah. Are they rippled, Paul? You got, like, a six-pack of abs? You got an eight-pack of abs? Eight-pack? You know CPR? You know mouth-to-mouth?

44. 04:25
    

    Paul Dooley

    I'm trained in it, yeah.

45. 04:26

    Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, mouth to abs? Yeah. You, uh, you know how to make your mouth go south? Hey, take it easy. What? I'm just having fun. No one's watching. No one's even watching the show. Paul. Hey, Paul. You know what? There's never gonna be a fire? My bedroom. Because every night, my husband's making love to ESPN. If I ever have to hear that SportsCenter song one more time, I'm gonna kill myself. Every night. Let me tell you something. I told you what you should go get. What am I gonna do? Walk into one of those stores and buy one of those things? You are in charge of your own pleasure.

46. 04:58
    

    Paul Dooley

    Maybe I should get going.

47. 05:00

    No, you stay. No, you stay, Paul. You know what? We're gonna go. You're gonna stay and finish the show. Yeah, Paul, you know what? Just hold up your pamphlet. Yeah, we're gonna get a glass of wine. One glass of wine is not gonna kill you, all right? Yeah, you know what? You're right. We'll have one glass of wine. Maybe we'll go to that store. Yeah, we're gonna go to the store. You're in charge of your own pleasure. All right, Paul, we're leaving. All right. Nice to meet you, Paul. Bye-bye.

48. 05:14
    

    Paul Dooley

    Okay, good to see you. That's, I guess, that's gonna be Bronx beat for the day. member of fire safety with upcoming holidays shout out to all the guys 114 ladder my friend Bernie Mikey Spratford Mike Mike Smith Bruce George my wife Okay, what's up?