Master Thespian Plays Santa Claus

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:02

   Speaker 1

   And now we bring you another page from The Diary of the World's Greatest Actor, Master Thespier.

2. 00:17
   

   Master Thespian

   Dear Diary! I had just returned from the triumphant tour of Macbeth, and no sooner walked in the door than the phone began ringing madly off the hook. Who should it be but the great impresario of the theatre, R.H. Macy, begging me to play the most challenging role he had to offer, that of the great St. Nicholas. Having had no time to prepare for the role, I look upon it as the greatest challenge of my career. And so, until tomorrow, Master...

3. 00:59
   

   Mr. Dingle (store manager)

   Master Thespian!

4. 01:00
   

   Master Thespian

   My dressing room! Get out! Get out!

5. 01:05
   

   Mr. Dingle (store manager)

   Sorry,

6. 01:07
   

   Mr. Dingle (store manager)

   Well, are we ready, Mr. Thespian.

7. 01:11
   

   Master Thespian

   Please call me Master.

8. 01:13
   

   Mr. Dingle (store manager)

   Oh, aren't we picky? Come, let's go. The children are waiting.

9. 01:18
   

   Master Thespian

   Well, couldn't they come in here? The acoustics are superb!

10. 01:22
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    What's the matter, thespian, having a sudden fit of stage fright?

11. 01:26
    

    Master Thespian

    Don't be silly! I'm capable of playing any role, even with half a finger!

12. 01:31
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    Oh! How did that happen?

13. 01:34
    

    Master Thespian

    It didn't! Acting!

14. 01:36
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    Oh! Is Is it real?

15. 01:41
    

    Master Thespian

    Oh, yes! Pull it!

16. 01:46
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    Ewww! How did you do that?

17. 01:51
    

    Master Thespian

    Acting!

18. 01:52
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    Brilliant!

19. 01:52
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    I'd go now. Let's hurry please

20. 01:54

    why trust me no

21. 01:59
    

    Mother

    Clock We've been here since 9 o this morning. I think I'm more excited than David is

22. 02:06
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    All right children the moment you've been waiting for has finally arrived. Hope you've all been good Well, I like you too and now Macy's is proud to present Santa Claus

23. 02:22
    

    Master Thespian

    ho Ho, ho ho hello Ah.

24. 02:31

    Speaker 2

    Hi, Santa Claus.

25. 02:33
    

    Master Thespian

    Hello. line

26. 02:35
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    what's your name little boy

27. 02:39
    

    Master Thespian

    oh yes very well what is your name little boy

28. 02:42
    

    Master Thespian

    line

29. 02:43
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    there aren't any lines you fool your Santa Claus you have to improvise

30. 02:50
    

    Master Thespian

    very well what brings you here child

31. 02:55

    Speaker 2

    a bicycle

32. 02:57
    

    Master Thespian

    well why are you asking me? I don't even know you. Did you buy me anything?

33. 03:06

    Speaker 2

    No.

34. 03:07
    

    Master Thespian

    Well then, how old are you?

35. 03:09

    Speaker 2

    Five.

36. 03:10
    

    Master Thespian

    Five. Well, you are incredibly immature. When I was five, I'd already played my first Hamlet, my second Othello, and mastered the cello to boot. Now get off my left.

37. 03:23
    

    Mother

    You are a horrible man. All he wanted was a bicycle.

38. 03:27
    

    Master Thespian

    How dare you teach this child to beg? Have you no shame? Ho, ho, ho!

39. 03:37
    

    Master Thespian

    But as I say, oh no, the shelf freedom invigorates my very soul.

40. 03:43
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    Now you listen to me. Don't you know who Santa Claus is? He likes children and he gives them whatever they want!

41. 03:49
    

    Master Thespian

    He likes children?

42. 03:50
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    Yes!

43. 03:51
    

    Master Thespian

    Oh, now you tell me. And you call yourself a director?

44. 03:55
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    I never said I was.

45. 03:56
    

    Master Thespian

    See that you don't. Next!

46. 03:58

    Speaker 3

    Hi, Santa Claus.

47. 04:03
    

    Master Thespian

    Hello, my child. By my, you have the face of an angel. You're so beautiful. What is your name?

48. 04:08

    Speaker 3

    Gina.

49. 04:08
    

    Master Thespian

    Gina. And what would you like for Christmas, my dear?

50. 04:11

    Speaker 3

    I want a Julie doll.

51. 04:12
    

    Master Thespian

    A Julie doll. Well, you can have as many as you like. Might I direct you to I.L.D., the third shelf on the left, and take as many as you want. Compliments of Macy's and Santa Claus, the bearded wonder of the North Pole!

52. 04:31
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    That's it! You're fired! Get out of here!

53. 04:35
    

    Master Thespian

    Firing Santa Claus! Canning, Criss, Klingle, Howe... Oh, my oh, my heart doth fail, downer in blitzing. Farewell, thou beauteous multitudes of youth who stand before me, the jolly fat man. Why? no more And why? Why? Because he killed me, the manager.

54. 05:11

    Get the manager

55. 05:13
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    okay okay you get out of here! Get out!

56. 05:28

    Speaker 4

    You killed Santa Claus! Save him! You killed Santa Claus!

57. 05:35
    

    Mr. Dingle (store manager)

    Alright! I'll save him.

58. 05:38

    32!

59. 05:38
    

    Master Thespian

    I was really acting!

60. 05:40

    Speaker 4

    Yay!

61. 05:41
    

    Master Thespian

    That wasn't Shakespeare!

62. 05:44

    Speaker 4

    Yay!

63. 05:45
    

    Master Thespian

    Oh, can peasants laver my hoe-hoe? Howl, Merry Christmas!