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The Babysitter Mutilator
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Becky arrives to babysit for the Hilsmans on the night of their Christmas party and waves off Mr. Hilsman's worries about the Babysitter Mutilator, trusting her lucky rabbit's foot instead of his offered handgun. A news anchor keeps breaking into a holiday movie with ever more alarming bulletins about the killer, and after each one a blood-soaked caller turns up at the door with a harmless explanation: a landscaper who spilled vegetable juice on himself, a masked hockey goalie whose stains are paint from a community-service job, and finally her own boyfriend Bobby, who rolled papier-mache copies of the Hilsmans' heads down the stairs as a prank. Becky dumps Bobby on the spot, only for the anchor to appear in the living room reporting live that the Mutilator has been caught and revealing that he is the killer himself before police haul him away, leaving Becky to settle back into her evening.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
That's not blood. It's V8. I spilled it on myself in my van.
I got a paper cut this morning and I'm a hemophiliac.
And the babysitter mutilator is me.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Bruce Leddy
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Guest star Sara Rue had played a babysitter in the 2002 horror film The Ring.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Speaker 1 ?
He's had his bottle and he should sleep through the night. Thanks again for babysitting, Becky.
- 00:06
Becky
It's really no problem, Mrs. Hogan. I'm always available Friday nights and Saturday nights. I'm not very popular. Have fun at your Christmas party.
- 00:13
Speaker 1 ?
Oh, we will. Where there's booze, there's fun.
- 00:16
Becky
That's what my mom always says.
- 00:20
Speaker 2
However, I gotta tell you, I'm surprised you're not a little nervous. You know, with the babysitter mutilator on the loose.
- 00:26
Becky
Oh, I am a little, but I've got this to protect me. It's my lucky rabbit's foot.
- 00:31
Speaker 2
Oh, okay. Well, I was going to give you my 9mm, but, uh... Okay. Have fun.
- 00:36
Speaker 1 ?
Merry Christmas, Becky.
- 00:38
Becky ?
Merry Christmas. Happy...
- 00:40
Speaker 3
We interrupt this program to bring you an emergency bulletin. The babysitter mutilator has struck again. His latest victim is 17-year-old Melody Spoler.
- 00:54
Becky
That's my biology partner.
- 00:57
Speaker 3
We now return you to It's a Wonderful Life, starring Wilmer Valderrama.
- 01:02
Becky
Poor Poor Melody. Thank God I've got my lucky rabbit's foot to protect me. Where is it?
- 01:14
Speaker 4 ?
Hey, what's the matter? I'm the Hillsman's Landscape. I'm here to cut down their diseased eucalyptus tree.
- 01:21
Becky
But you're all bloody.
- 01:23
Speaker 4
Oh, no, that's not blood. It's V8. I spilled it on myself in my van.
- 01:28
Becky
Oh, my gosh. I'm so sorry. I thought you were the babysitter mutilator.
- 01:33
Speaker 4
Who, me?
- 01:35
Becky ?
No, no.
- 01:38
Speaker 4
But I'll tell you, I'm glad I'm not a babysitter tonight. Bye, little lady!
- 01:44
Becky ?
Bye!
- 01:47
Speaker 3
It's just in. The babysitter mutilator is still at large. If you're a babysitter, please lock all doors and windows.
- 01:56
Becky
What are oh my god please don't kill me don't kill me
- 02:08
Speaker 5
what are you you talking about? It's me, Tommy Baxter, star goalie for the Fallbrook High School hockey team.
- 02:15
Becky ?
Hey. But you're all bloody.
- 02:18
Speaker 5
Look at that. That's just paint. I was touching up the town's fire hydrants as part of a community service project. I'm gonna be Eagle Scout. Hey, can you return this to Mrs. Hilsman for me? She left it at our church's beef carving contest.
- 02:31
Becky
Oh, sure.
- 02:31
Speaker 5
Alright, now she should get back to the rink. Boy, sure I'm glad I'm not a babysitter tonight.
- 02:37
Becky ?
Well, so long.
- 02:41
Speaker 3
Here's another babysitter mutilator update. A man wielding a chainsaw and dragging two dead bodies was last seen heading north on the 400th block of briarwood lane that's this street becky i'm coming for you
- 02:54
Becky
oh my god believe there? Who's there? Be warned! I've got a butcher knife! Oh, my God! Mr. and Mrs. Hellsman! Bobby Fessler! I can't believe it that my boyfriend is a babysitter mutilator
- 03:18
Bobby Fessler
not the mutilator i just made these paper mache versions of the hellsman's head in art class then i snuck up through the upstairs skylight and rolled him down the stairs just for fun
- 03:28
Becky
but you're all bloody
- 03:30
Bobby Fessler
i know i got a paper cut this morning and i'm a hemophiliac
- 03:34
Becky
well i think that you are a bad artist and i think that you are a bad boyfriend and we are breaking up and you can get out right now and i'll tell you another thing mister you can just take back your ring Where
- 03:48
Speaker 3
we're here live at the house of mr and mrs eugene hillsman where the police have just apprehended the babysitter mutilator and the babysitter mutilator is me. Kill! Kill! Kill!
- 04:04
Not anymore, mutilator!
- 04:05
Speaker 3 ?
Good night! Good night and happy holidays! Good night!
- 04:08
Becky
My goodness, that's over. I am safe. I can finally watch some of Mr. Hilsman's pornos.
- 04:15
Good word morning from MADtv. Couches imported from China are sometimes possessed with demons. Why are we waiting? And Merry Christmas!
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