You're tuned to the good stuff
A Football Thing
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Two friends settle onto the couch with snacks and foam fingers to watch their team, one of them in a number 93 jersey and the other killing time before dinner with his girlfriend's parents. When their team scores, the celebration turns into a long, passionate kiss. Shaken, they try to dismiss it as something that just happens in football, but the more they talk it through, the more they suspect they might be a little bit gay. Every big play on the screen sets off another embrace, and as their self-diagnosis grows they wonder whether they should visit a gay bar or buy scented candles. An attempt to prove their manhood by ogling the cheerleaders slides into dancing together, so one of them insists that guys kissing, dancing and whispering sweet nothings to each other proves nothing at all. He heads off to his girlfriend's, leaving his buddy alone with the game.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
It's a football thing.
I'm a new gay.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Aired in the season 9 episode of November 1, 2003, which featured guest star Jessica Alba; TheTVDB's episode rundown lists the segment as "A Football Thing."
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Come on bucks. Come on bucks. Here we go. Here we go. All right back to the bowl baby back to the bowl I don't think you playing like this Well, he's going About my Now we got something going, bucks my bucks
- 00:23
Ike Barinholtz
you want a beer?
- 00:24
Josh Meyers
No, I'm cool. Thanks. I gotta meet Susan out later We're going to dinner with her parents.
- 00:28
Ike Barinholtz
Ooh dinner with the parents. I did that last week with Kelly. Good luck, dude
- 00:34
Check it out come on Keep going! Keep going! Come on! Come on! Doctor! Yeah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Ah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! Oooh. Aah! Aah!
- 00:57
Ike Barinholtz
Hey, wha-wha what was that what just happened
- 00:59
Josh Meyers
the buck scored
- 01:02
Ike Barinholtz
no the other part the part about my tongue in your mouth yeah yeah that part right
- 01:11
Josh Meyers
I it was just a thing it's a football thing it happens all the time
- 01:17
Ike Barinholtz
you think so no way yeah no way so uh
- 01:25
Josh Meyers
we gay no I don't know were you excited no yes
- 01:36
Ike Barinholtz
I was a little bit excited how does that make me gay well no
- 01:45
Josh Meyers
yeah a little bit a little bit gay
- 01:50
Ike Barinholtz
so we're a little bit gay yeah
- 01:54
Josh Meyers
well no no we're just two guys got excited and made out
- 01:59
Ike Barinholtz
it it still sounds a little gay to me man yeah Yeah.
- 02:08
Look at this. Bottles to kick off and it's a fumble! Goal! Special teams! They got it! Come on! They got it! They got it! Yeah!
- 02:17
Ike Barinholtz
What What the hell? What the hell is going on?
- 02:39
Josh Meyers
I think we're gay.
- 02:41
Ike Barinholtz
You think so? Oh, yeah. Big time, man. Big time.
- 02:48
Josh Meyers
So, what do we do? I don't know.
- 02:51
Ike Barinholtz
I'm new. I'm a new gay.
- 02:55
Josh Meyers
Should we go to a, to a gay bar?
- 03:00
Ike Barinholtz
I don't know can you go when you're new should we like some scented candles right
- 03:09
Josh Meyers
right no no they're not handles man okay look cheerleaders like that's what we're all about short shorts and bouncing hooters we are not dead no no
- 03:21
cheerleaders shake that Yeah. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Come on now. Now shake it. And shake it. And shake it. And
- 03:29
Ike Barinholtz
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.
- 03:38
Ike Barinholtz
Hey! Hey, whoa! Stop! Wait! Wait! Man?
- 03:43
Josh Meyers
Look, I don't know what's going on here, okay? But, just cause a couple guys kiss and dance a little and grope each other and one of them whispers to the other, I know you're a man, but I'm gonna treat you like a lady, that doesn't make them gay.
- 04:00
Ike Barinholtz
When did that happen?
- 04:02
Josh Meyers
Look, I gotta get over to Susan's. You're not gonna be weird about this, are
- 04:05
Ike Barinholtz
you? No.
- 04:06
Josh Meyers
Are you? No.
- 04:08
Ike Barinholtz
Alright.
- 04:09
He breaks and tears away, I on the open field! Come on! Go! Go! Yeah! Oh! Oh! Yeah! Yeah! No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
- 04:31
Josh Meyers
got a gay. I gotta
- 04:32
go. Go. Go. no. Go. Go. Go.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Mad TV.
