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Politically Correct Office Holidays

Mad TV2002Season 8Episode 10
Mad TV
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

On his first day at a company terrified of offending anyone, a new hire learns that even saying Merry Christmas breaks the rules.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

New employee Ronald Dunlap wishes his manager a Merry Christmas and is told that religious talk is off-limits in an office that employs Christians, Muslims, Jews and Satanists alike. His colleagues trade carefully generic seasonal greetings and late-December brownies, while a nervous coworker recruits Ronald into a covert Secret Santa, passing name slips through a clumsy hug that lands in the wrong pocket. When the manager allows a vague, non-religious toast with an egg-flavored drink, the coworker bursts back in dressed as Santa Claus and declares Christmas is back, opening the floodgates for a rabbi, a Kwanzaa celebrant, a Ramadan greeting and a pair of cheering Satanists. As an elf reports snow in the hallway, the staff sing "Jingle Bells" under a card wishing everyone a very enjoyable fourth week of December.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 5

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

We have Christians, we have Muslims, we have Jews, we have Satanists.

Remember, what we do now echoes throughout history.

Some dude stood up and said, let's do Christmas! That dude was Jesus!

A little extra

Notes from the archive.

Aired in MADtv’s December 21, 2002 Christmas episode with musical guest Bon Jovi. IMDb titles the segment “Politically Correct Office Holidays”; TheTVDB lists it as “Christmas Holiday Party.”

ScriptEnglish · 36 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

  1. 00:03

    Simon Helberg

    Hi, Hi, I'm Ronald Dunlap.

  2. 00:06

    Michael McDonald

    Oh, uh, hello, yes. Corporate called about you. It's your first day, right? You can get set up right over there.

  3. 00:11

    Simon Helberg

    Thanks, I will. Oh, and Merry Christmas.

  4. 00:15

    Michael McDonald

    Hey, we don't use that kind of talk around here. This is an office, not a church.

  5. 00:21

    Simon Helberg

    I didn't know.

  6. 00:22

    Michael McDonald

    Well, now you do, okay? We don't want any hurt feelings around here, and we don't want any lawsuits. We have all kinds of people that work at this company. We have Christians, we have Muslims, we have Jews, we have Satanists.

  7. 00:34

    Simon Helberg

    Satanists?

  8. 00:35

    Michael McDonald

    The computer guys. You're now working for one of the largest corporations in the world, so you either play by the rules or there's the door. You got it?

  9. 00:46

    Happy, uh, winter time, everyone.

  10. 00:49

    Michael McDonald

    Happy winter time.

  11. 00:51

    Stephnie Weir

    Hi, everyone. Merry seasonal tidings.

  12. 00:55

    Michael McDonald

    Merry seasonal tidings.

  13. 00:58

    Stephnie Weir

    Hi. Would you like a late December brownie?

  14. 01:06

    Simon Helberg

    Hi. Hi. I'm new. I just...

  15. 01:10

    Paul Vogt

    Shut your mouth! Don't look at me. Look at your desk. Look at your desk. I think you're someone I can talk to. I heard what you said when you came in. A few of us are planning a secret, secret Santa thing. You in?

  16. 01:22

    Simon Helberg

    I don't know the manager.

  17. 01:23

    Paul Vogt

    I said look straight ahead. Damn it! I've Okay, I've got some pieces of paper in my pocket. When I stand up, hug me.

  18. 01:32

    Simon Helberg

    what

  19. 01:34

    Paul Vogt

    trust Trust me. Trust me. Come on. Just hug me. Put your hand in my pocket and pull out your secret Santa name. Congratulations on your first day of work. I know you're going to be a real asset to the company. THAT'S That's THE WRONG POCKET.

  20. 01:53

    Simon Helberg

    SHOULD WE HUG AGAIN?

  21. 01:54

    Paul Vogt

    NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. HE'S LOOKING. HE'S LOOKING. Here. Remember. REMEMBER, WHAT WE DO NOW ECHOES THROUGHOUT HISTORY.

  22. 02:06

    Simon Helberg

    ISN'T THAT FROM GLADIATOR?

  23. 02:07

    Paul Vogt

    YEAH. YOU CAN BUY ME THE DVD IF YOU PICK MY NAME.

  24. 02:12

    Michael McDonald

    EXCUSE ME, EVERYBODY. I'D LIKE TO INITIATE A LITTLE INFORMAL GATHERING OF JUST A LITTLE CHEER OF A NON-SPECIFIC, A NON-TRADITIONAL, NON-RELIGIOUS NATURE.

  25. 02:24

    Stephnie Weir

    I brought this thick, egg-flavored beverage just, you know, for the hell of it. Is it okay if we have some?

  26. 02:34

    Michael McDonald

    Yeah, I suppose.

  27. 02:37

    Stephnie Weir

    A toast?

  28. 02:38

    Michael McDonald

    Careful. A toast? A toast to jolly times in the winter.

  29. 02:47

    Jolly times in the winter. Sure, jolly times in the winter.

  30. 02:50

    Paul Vogt

    wuss oh oh oh years Santa Claus! Merry Christmas!

  31. 02:57

    Michael McDonald

    Security! Security!

  32. 03:00

    Paul Vogt

    ago some dude stood up and said let's do christmas that dude was jesus merry christmas you sons of ADVENTURE! THE FLOOD GAPES ARE OPEN! THE FLOOD GAPES ARE OPEN!

  33. 03:17

    Alan Naggar

    HAPPY HANUKAH!

  34. 03:19

    HAPPY CROWDS ARE HAPPENING! HAPPY RAMITAN! HELLO, SATAN!

  35. 03:28

    HEY, EVERYBODY! IT'S SNOWING... IN THE HALLWAY.

  36. 03:37

    The Tingle Bells! bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, all I find is to have you by my side.

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