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Crossing Over with John Edward
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a parody of the syndicated psychic show Crossing Over, Michael McDonald's John Edward announces that today he will contact spirits who still hold a grudge. A widow learns her late husband resents being corrected, mocks her looks and voice, and credits his drinking with sparing him from listening to her, before Edward helpfully channels the voice the husband imitates in heaven. Two brothers hear that their mother's fatal crash was no accident, that she considered both of them losers and that she watches them from beyond in embarrassing moments, while John Lennon's ghost advises them to give up their band. Finally a widower discovers through his wife's spirit just how unsatisfying their marriage was, and Edward signs off by suggesting that realising our loved ones were never that close may ease the grief.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
On today's show, we are focusing on those who have crossed over, but who, for some reason, may still have a chip on their shoulder.
I need to acknowledge that your husband's spirit does not like to be corrected.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Parodies the syndicated psychic series Crossing Over with John Edward, in which medium John Edward claimed to pass on messages from studio-audience members' dead relatives.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
From an early age, John Edward displayed both a remarkable psychic ability and a hideous dentifrice. Join us as he reunites those in the physical world with those who have crossed over. FLOOR
- 00:22
John Edward
Hello Hello. Welcome to Crossing Over. I'm John Edward. On today's show, we are focusing on those who have crossed over, but who, for some reason, may still have a chip on their shoulder. okay someone has a connection to a j name uh jerry or a gary
- 00:41
Widow
my husband's name is was gary but that starts with a g not a j
- 00:45
John Edward
i need to acknowledge that your husband's spirit does not like to be corrected and he's telling me that is just one of the many many unattractive qualities that you have such as your face he's showing me a bottle of scotch now is is this significant
- 01:03
Widow
he was an alcoholic he died of cirrhosis
- 01:07
John Edward
okay again your husband's spirit begs to differ he says that alcohol did not kill him but in fact it saved him from having to listen to your voice which he describes as piercing and annoying which i can verify here live yes very pissing very annoying yes
- 01:25
Widow ?
Okay. Is he happier now?
- 01:29
John Edward
Yes. In fact, he's very popular in heaven. He does impressions of you, being critical and questioning everything he does and says, and he even uses your scrotum-tightening tone, which he'd like to channel for you now, which I will. it i hope that was helpful okay i need to acknowledge i'm being pulled in this direction somebody right here in this space has lost a parent a mother
- 02:03
Brother ?
yes we did it was so sudden it was a car accident
- 02:07
John Edward
i i need to acknowledge that your mother did not drive that car into a wall on accident she did it on purpose
- 02:13
Brother ?
she was so young she had everything to live for
- 02:17
John Edward
uh she she's indicating something like this with her her hands she she's telling me to flip it over oh these two l's represent her two sons which she was ashamed of they're both losers
- 02:31
Brother ?
i just got into college
- 02:33
John Edward
i need to acknowledge that was just state school i need And as for you, my mother would like me to tell you that she can see you at all times she's looking down on you and you are masturbating way too much also the two of you were in a band
- 02:50
Brother ?
yeah
- 02:51
John Edward
John Lennon was your hero
- 02:54
Brother ?
yeah yes
- 02:55
John Edward
he's standing next to your mother right now oh and he would like me to tell you to both get out of the business you have no time I I hope that was helpful who gives a lousy lay I'm being I'm being pulled in this direction sir how how long has your wife been deceased
- 03:16
Widower ?
uh about a year
- 03:19
John Edward ?
and i'm not a lousy lay your wife is she would like me to acknowledge that she's making her hands like this which i'm going to interpret as a zero yes she's telling me that is correct this is the number of orgasms you gave her
- 03:34
Widower
she had orgasms all the time
- 03:36
John Edward
now now she's holding up an oscar indicating that she was a very good actress and oh i'm sorry also she's she's doing she's doing this like she's operating a jackhammer which i'm going to interpret is the way that you make love which yes she's telling you this is how you how you did it whole into pavement
- 03:58
Widower
did she even love me
- 03:59
John Edward
she's holding up her oscar again knowing that those closest to us we're not that close to begin with might help in the process of grieving. I'm John Edward.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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