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Bible Dude: Greed During Christmas
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A family opens presents on Christmas morning until the son complains that his sweater vest is brown instead of green. The sin of covetousness summons Bible Dude, a caped crusader who interrupts the board game, lectures everyone with scripture and a long genealogy, and extracts a confession. His moral wins the boy over, and then a lightning strike leaves the household facing an unexpected change of its own.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I asked for a green sweater vest, not a brown one.
I've got a ticket to the truth.
I see you when you're sleeping, I know when you're awake.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Aired in the December 21, 2002 episode with musical guest Bon Jovi.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
You're watching PAX. Why aren't you in church?
- 00:09
Speaker 2
Merry Christmas, my husband, my shepherd.
- 00:12
Speaker 3
Merry Christmas, my wife, my sheep. And Leah, do you like your present?
- 00:18
Speaker 4
Oh, it's just what I prayed for. A stone that's in her board game.
- 00:24
Speaker 3
And Caleb, how about you? Do you like that nifty new sweater vest?
- 00:28
Caleb
I'm as happy as King Solomon. I love it. I asked for a green sweater vest, not a brown one. I don't mean to complain, but I look better in green. Better in green. Better in green. Better in green. Uh-oh! This looks like a job for
- 00:49
Speaker 1
Bible! Dude! Tonight's episode...
- 01:11
Bible Dude
Tonight's episode, And amongst thy cities which ye shall give unto the Levites, there shall be six cities, which ye shall appoint for the manslayer, that he may flee thither, and to them ye shall add thy forty and two cities. Amen.
- 01:34
Bible Dude
It's the boss.
- 01:37
Speaker 5
What What's happened to Matthew?
- 01:43
Bible Dude
Happy birthday, Jesus.
- 01:46
Speaker 5
So what'd you get me?
- 01:47
Bible Dude
My eternal love and devotion.
- 01:50
Speaker 5
Oh, shh. Man, I was hoping for an Xbox. You know, the graphics on Tony Hawk's Pro Skater are awesome.
- 01:56
Speaker 6
Hey, birthday boy, we're out of ice.
- 02:05
Bible Dude
So here's the deal, man. There's a kid on Magnolia Street that wants a different color sweater vest.
- 02:10
Speaker 5
Oh, coveting another color. That's almost as bad as one man laying down with another.
- 02:17
Bible Dude
Oh, easy, brah. Jesus, I bought you something. It's a George Foreman grill.
- 02:24
Speaker 5
I don't want it.
- 02:25
Speaker 4
Witness Oh, snickerdoodle! I landed on bearing false witness against thy neighbor.
- 02:39
Speaker 3
Stone the sinner.
- 02:49
Speaker 3
Caleb, you didn't stone your sister. What's wrong?
- 02:52
Caleb
Nothing.
- 02:53
Bible Dude
Liar. Right Right over here, folks. Bible Dude! Caleb, are you sure there isn't something you'd like to tell your parents about the color of your sweater vest?
- 03:07
Caleb
No, everything's perfect. Brown's my favorite color.
- 03:10
Bible Dude
Careful, Caleb. Fibbing buys you a first-class ticket on Satan's bad time train. But I've got a ticket to the truth. 1 Chronicles 6, verse 11, And Azariah begat Amariah, and Amariah begat Ahitab, and Ahitab begat Zadok, and Zadok begat Shalem, and Shalem begat Hilkiah, and Hilkiah begat Phineas, and Phineas begat Abishua.
- 03:42
Caleb
Wait, I get it. You're saying that the real spirit of Christmas isn't about what color sweater vest you beget. It's about God's love that you begetten.
- 03:52
Speaker 4
He said Sweater Bible Dude, how did you know about the sweater vest?
- 03:57
Bible Dude
I see you when you're sleeping. I know when you're awake.
- 04:02
Speaker 3
Just like Santa Claus.
- 04:04
Speaker 4
Now we don't have a mom.
- 04:12
Speaker 3
Don't worry, Leah. This is God's way of opening the door to my alternative lifestyle. I'm going to marry my golfing buddy, Carl.
- 04:21
Speaker 3
Merry Merry Christmas.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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