The Klumps on Eddie

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00

   the club tonight's topic eddie

2. 00:02
   

   Mama Klump ?

   hey honey did you hear about that whole transvestical thing

3. 00:06
   

   Papa Klump ?

   what transvestical thing clear

4. 00:07
   

   Mama Klump ?

   i heard it on the news a while back talking about eddie murray down on santa monica boulevard messing with all them transvestites that boy

5. 00:14
   

   Papa Klump ?

   crazy i'm gonna start calling them tricky dicky

6. 00:16
   

   Grandma Klump ?

   you know those transvestites are just confused people i just want to give them a big old hug just hug them all i'm gonna tell you something about them people THEY MAY BE ALL CONFUSED UPSTAIRS, BUT DOWNSTAIRS, THEY GOT WAY MORE GOING ON THAN THE AVERAGE GENTLEMEN. WHOO!

7. 00:34
   

   Papa Klump ?

   OH, WOMAN, AIN'T NOBODY ASKING YOUR NERDS TO ASK OPINIONS.

8. 00:37
   

   Grandma Klump ?

   YOU KNOW WHAT MAKE ME MOREY? THEM TRANSSEXUALS. THEY GOT WHAT YOU CALL THE ONE-STOP SHOPPING DOWN THERE.

9. 00:45
   

   Papa Klump ?

   OH, NOW YOU DON'T PUT A PICTURE IN MY HEAD. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT WITH THIS PICTURE IN MY HEAD?

10. 00:49
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    NOW, CLETUS, I DON'T TOLD YOU TO STOP MESSING WITH ME. YOU SAY THAT AGAIN, I'MMA COME DOWN THERE and give your ass a sex change free charge, you fat-buckled little bastard.

11. 00:58
    

    Papa Klump ?

    Oh, to hell with you, woman. I'm talking about Eddie's nasty ass. We got all our kids seeing his movies and now he down there messing with them tricky-dickies.

12. 01:05
    

    Mama Klump ?

    Oh, tricky-dickies, tricky-dickies. That's nasty.

13. 01:09
    

    Papa Klump ?

    All I'm saying is the boy's a freak. I say if you want to be a freak, go on and say you're a freak. Don't be talking about you're a freak and you're not a freak. The man is married and got children and everything like that. I'll tell you what he really needs to do.

14. 01:19
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    He needs to get a clean, healthy colon.

15. 01:21
    

    Mama Klump ?

    I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE HAVING AN INTELLECTUAL CONVERSATION ABOUT EDDIE MURPHY, AND YOU GO STARVE WITH THE WIND. I'M NOT CLEANING YOUR PANTS IF YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT.

16. 01:30
    

    Papa Klump ?

    HEY, EDDIE, NAME THE TUNE.

17. 01:35
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    WELL, YOU DO THAT AGAIN, YOU'LL BE BLOWN OUT A NEW HOLE WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU.

18. 01:38
    

    Papa Klump ?

    YEAH, YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP NEAR ME, AND I'M GONNA BITE YOUR EAR OFF, JUST LIKE MIKE TYSON, THAT PITBULL BASTARD.

19. 01:44
    

    Mama Klump ?

    YOU SHOULDN'T BE LIKE THAT. YOU'RE JUST SO PREJUDICED. YOU HATE EVERYBODY. MIKE TYSON'S LOVABLE. HE JUST NEEDS A BIG OLD HUG.

20. 01:50
    

    Papa Klump ?

    Oh, Mike Tyson? Mike Tyson look like the back of somebody's ass!

21. 01:54
    

    Mama Klump ?

    Don't you understand? Mike Tyson just confused. He got all them people around him that don't care about him, especially that Donald King.

22. 02:00
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    I'm gonna tell you something. Mike Tyson is sexy as hell. He got all them curvations and muscles rippling. He can take a nibble out of me any time. Matter of fact, he can come down here any time he want.

23. 02:16
    

    Papa Klump ?

    That bitch crazier than a dog in a hot cat factory.

24. 02:18
    

    Mama Klump ?

    You can't talk about my mama like that.

25. 02:21
    

    Grandma Klump

    I remember back in 1978, I met Muhammad Ali. He took me back in his dressing room. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. I've been over. You know what he gave to me. Oh. Sting like a bee, sting like a bee, sting like a bee.

26. 02:41
    

    Papa Klump ?

    Oh, damn, woman. I just got them transsexuals out of my head, and now you go filling it up with Muhammad Ali. And y'all are missing my whole point. All's I'm saying is Mike Tyson is exactly like a pit bull. He bite people, he ugly, and he hit women. Pit bull bouncing. I remember I had a little pit bull dog. You know, it was always humping my leg trying to get something. It had a look on its face like it was just saying, come on, I know you want it, come on. And I ain't even gonna lie to you, there were one or two nights where I thought about doing it.

27. 03:13
    

    Mama Klump ?

    Well, remember, we didn't hear no doggy stories at the table.

28. 03:16
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    Excuse me, I...

29. 03:17
    

    Papa Klump ?

    You shut up! I swear that woman got more wind than hot in my colon after one of them three bean burritos!

30. 03:22
    

    Mama Klump ?

    Cleaver, we haven't even had dessert yet.

31. 03:25
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    Well, put some whipped cream on this.

32. 03:27
    

    Papa Klump

    Hey, Hey, keep it down, Prince. Or whatever the name is. You call yourself the artist formerly known. Hell, I'm gonna just call you confused. Look, everybody, it's confused. Confused, you got something to say?

33. 03:40
    

    Prince

    Well, I just wanted to know if I could get some more of this delicious chicken.

34. 03:43
    

    Mama Klump ?

    Oh, you don't fit. Listen, everybody see Michael Jackson is better than you.

35. 03:46
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    But I'm gonna tell you something, I love you because I think you're a person just all your own. You know, watching you eat that chicken is sexy as hell. Kind of remind me of one of them sexy movies I used to make. Matter of fact, I'm gonna make me a sexy movie right now.

36. 04:01
    

    Mama Klump ?

    Would you like some more food, baby?

37. 04:02
    

    Papa Klump ?

    Uh-uh, don't be getting confused, no food. You don't know where them fingers been.

38. 04:06
    

    Papa Klump ?

    That that was one of them silent but deadly ones. You smell it?

39. 04:12
    

    Prince

    You know what? But you people are nasty, and I don't mean in the good way. I just lost my appetite. Like

40. 04:26
    

    Grandma Klump ?

    Oh hell, I needed to see that. He had on a pair of sexy pants. I used to own a pair of sexy pants like that would drive everybody crazy, especially down at the bingo hall. The men loved it. Bingo.

41. 04:40
    

    Papa Klump ?

    Damn, damn, damn, woman. I ain't never going to be able to eat again with that picture in my head.

42. 04:44
    

    Mama Klump ?

    Ladies, I can't believe how disrespectful you was. You made our guests leave. We done lost prints. Oh, Purple Rain, Purple Rain, Purple Rain, Purple Rain.

43. 04:53

    James. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, James.

44. 04:58

    Coming up. Coming up.