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Meat Haven

Mad TV 1996 Season 2 Episode 21

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A butcher's son pushes meat on every customer who walks in, terrified of what his blood-spattered mother will do if a sale gets away.

Watch on YouTube

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

At the Meat Haven butcher shop, young Sonny begs a shopper to buy more than a single bratwurst, then his wild-haired, cleaver-wielding Mama emerges from the back to remind him what happened to his father and sister when they failed to sell the meat. A man who only came in for chocolate milk shoves Sonny away, and a big-spending barbecue customer walks out over a 'No Checks' sign. With every lost sale Mama grows more menacing, until Sonny's defiant stand collapses and she forces him to eat the meat straight from the grinder.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 5

Highly quotable.

We've got meat and plenty of it. That's why our name is Meat Haven.

You know what happens when you don't sell the meat.

Hey, get your hands off me, meat boy!

ScriptEnglish · 66 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:00
Sonny
Okay, Ms. O'Leary, you're all set. You sure you wouldn't like anything else?
00:03
Customer
Oh, no, this cute little bratwurst will be fine.
00:06
Sonny
How about a flank steak or maybe a standing rib roast? It's on special.
00:09
Customer
Oh, goodness, no. I'll still be eating this sausage a month from now.
00:12
Sonny
Yeah. Please, Ms. O'Leary, buy some meat. You don't know what it means to me.
00:16
Customer
No, thank you. Goodbye.
00:17
Sonny
But the rib roast is, um...
00:18
Customer
No, thank you.
00:19
Sonny
...juicy and...
00:19
Customer
I said no.
00:20
Sonny
...full of, um...
00:20
Customer
No, young man, no.
00:21
Sonny
...plum. It's plum. Chicken, if you want some...
00:24
Customer
No.
00:24
Sonny
Little... That's... That's okay.
00:27
Mama
How much meat did you sell today, Sonny?
00:33
Sonny
Hi, Mama. You sure look pretty today, Mama.
00:38
Mama
How much meat?
00:40
Sonny
Um, a bratwurst.
00:43
Mama
One bratwurst? That's not a lot of meat. That's not a lot of meat at all!
00:49
Sonny
Mama, I tried. Mrs. O'Leary didn't want any, so...
00:53
Mama
You know what happens when you don't sell the meat.
00:56
Sonny
Oh, no, Mama, not that. Please, Mama, no, not that.
00:59
Mama
your father didn't sell the meat your sister didn't sell the meat she sold the little meat she didn't sell the meat do you remember what happened to her
01:11
Sonny
i'll sell the meat mom i'll sell all the meat i promise
01:15
Mama
i'll be watching
01:18
Customer
hello
01:23
Sonny
Oh, hello, sir would you like to buy some meat we've got meat and plenty of it that's why our name is meat haven
01:28
Customer
do you have any chocolate milk
01:32
Sonny
No, but we sell pork chops, lamb chops, veal cutlet, tri-tip, porterhouse.
01:38
Mama
Ham hocks! Push the ham hocks!
01:40
Sonny
Ham hocks! We have ham hocks!
01:43
Customer
Ham hocks? No, I'm really in the mood for chocolate milk.
01:47
Sonny
Oh, brisket! A leg of lamb! We've got cornice gamehands! Please, mister, buy something!
01:52
Customer
Hey, get your hands off me, meat boy!
02:00
Mama
He didn't buy any meat!
02:02
Sonny
Mama, you saw me. I tried. It's not my fault. I tried.
02:07
Mama
You know what happens when you sell the meat!
02:10
Sonny
I'm not gonna cry. I'm sorry, Mama. I'll sell the meat. I promise. I'll sell all the meat. You watch this. This time. Hi! How are you, sir? Can I help you? Oh! Can I help you, sir?
02:23
Customer
Yes, you can. I'm having a big barbecue tonight, and I need a whole lot of meat.
02:28
Sonny
Boy, you've come to the right place, sir.
02:30
Customer
You might want to get your bed out for this one.
02:32
Customer
I need a side of beef
02:34
Sonny
oh bless you sir
02:36
Customer
see 500 hamburgers
02:39
Sonny
oh you're a wonderful wonderful man
02:41
Customer
and all the ham hocks you've got in the store
02:44
Sonny
oh I love you sir
02:46
Customer
you will take a check won't you
02:48
Sonny
burgers oh
02:51
Customer
sorry I didn't see your sign
02:53
Sonny
oh no oh no that that's the printer's fault Oh, bad printer, that's supposed to say you get a free side of beef with every check.
03:05
Customer
All right, well, that was a close one. Make this check out to Meat World.
03:11
Sonny
No, Meat Haven, Meat Haven.
03:13
Customer
Oh darn it, that was my last check. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to go next door to Meat World. Good day, sir.
03:20
Sonny
Oh no, please!
03:21
Customer
I said good day, sir!
03:24
Mama
You didn't sell the meat!
03:26
Sonny
Oh, Mama, I came so close, so I...
03:31
Mama
You know what happens when you don't sell the meat! Eat the meat!
03:39
Sonny
No! I won't do it!
03:42
Mama
Eat the meat!
03:44
Sonny
I'm not my father! And I'm I'm not my sister. I'm Sonny! and I won't eat the meat. Do you hear me? I will not eat the meat.
03:57
Mama
Eat the meat!
03:58
Sonny
Okay, okay. Okay.
04:05
Mama
And now, chewing!