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Antonia: Mall Santa
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At a department-store grotto, Santa wraps up one visit and waves the next child forward, only to find a grown woman in a patterned vest, Antonia, perched on his knee. She will not say what she wants for Christmas: she mumbles, changes her answer, and wanders off into talk about her cat. Santa tries to coach her by quizzing a little boy about his own list, which Antonia then recites back almost word for word and tops off with an extra football. Out of patience, he summons his head elf, who is more interested in whatever she was doing than in the crisis, and has her steer Antonia off to learn elf chores. Santa breathes a sigh of relief, and then Antonia reappears at his side with a rabbit request and no intention of leaving.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
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Highly quotable.
Do you have any idea how this works?
If I promise you a rabbit, will you leave?
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Wikipedia's rundown of the December 13, 1997 Christmas episode describes Antonia making a Christmas wish to Santa Claus, played by Phil LaMarr. The same episode features Howie Long on Cabana Chat and a claymation Rudolph spoof.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Santa
Well, there you go, and have a Merry Christmas. Okay, who's next to see Santa? Well, you're a big girl, aren't you?
- 00:17
Antonia
Okay.
- 00:20
Santa
Okay, so tell Santa, have you been a good girl this year?
- 00:24
Antonia
Okay.
- 00:26
Santa
Well, I'm sure you still deserve to have a present. So tell Santa, what would you like me to bring you this year? Come now, don't be shy. I'm sure there must be something you'd like Santa to leave under your tree.
- 00:43
Antonia
Yep. well
- 00:46
Santa
Tell Santa what it is.
- 00:48
Antonia
Okay.
- 00:51
Santa
Okay, so what would you like?
- 00:54
Antonia
A rabbit.
- 00:56
Santa
Oh, okay, a rabbit. Well, that's not so hard, was it? So you'd like a rabbit for Christmas, hmm?
- 01:03
Antonia
No.
- 01:05
Santa
What do you mean, no?
- 01:07
Antonia
Yep.
- 01:09
Santa
Yes, what?
- 01:10
Antonia
Hey, rabbit.
- 01:12
Santa
You do want a rabbit.
- 01:13
Antonia
I have a cat named TeeTee.
- 01:17
Santa
Great! But do you want a rabbit?
- 01:20
Antonia
I don't know.
- 01:23
Santa
Do you have any idea how this works?
- 01:26
Antonia
No.
- 01:29
Santa
I ask you what you want for Christmas, and then you tell me. It's really very simple. Here, watch. Little boy, what do you want for Christmas?
- 01:38
A computer, a football, a stealer's jacket, and a bike.
- 01:42
Santa
There, see? It's a very simple two-part process. So, for the last time, what would you like for Christmas?
- 01:50
Antonia
A computer, a football, a stealer's jacket, and a bike, and a football. Please, Santa.
- 02:01
Santa
Could I get one of Santa's helpers over here, please? Now! Ho, ho, ho, ho. Oh, as my head elf, it's your very important job to help screen out the special people.
- 02:13
Sorry, I was doing elf stuff.
- 02:17
Santa
Look, little girl, why don't you go with my friend here, and she'll teach you how to do some elf stuff, okay?
- 02:27
Antonia
Okay.
- 02:28
All right!
- 02:30
Santa
All right, so who's next? I... How the... How did you...
- 02:39
Antonia
I would like a rabbit.
- 02:43
Santa
If I promise you a rabbit, will you leave?
- 02:47
Antonia
No.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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