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The Visit
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A grandson trying to cut short a visit to his grandmother keeps offering to turn on the TV or radio, but she insists everything is just blurs and mosquito noises and asks him to sit closer. Once he does, she casually asks whether he is thinking of killing her and burying her in the basement, then admits she was picturing doing exactly that to him, down to hiring a helper she would also kill. When he heads for the door, she is caught hiding a brick, and after he storms out she notes that he is smarter than his father before calling for her cat.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I couldn't afford the operation that would let me see clearly, so I went in for the one that would make me see blurs.
I was thinking about me killing you and then burying you in the basement.
This one's gonna be tough. He's much smarter than his father.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The episode rundown lists this sketch as The Visit; fan uploads call it Visit With Grandma. The grandmother returns later in the season in The Basement.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:10
Grandson
Well, Grandma, I should get going because I have to, you know, I...
- 00:13
Grandma
Oh, no, dear. Just stay a little while longer. I'm having such a lovely visit.
- 00:19
Grandson
Okay. Hey, you want me to tell you Hey, you want me to turn the television on? We could watch some TV.
- 00:28
Grandma
No, I can't see it. It's all just a bunch of blurs.
- 00:33
Grandson
I thought you had that operation to help your eyesight.
- 00:36
Grandma
Well, I couldn't afford the operation that would let me see clearly, so I went in for the one that would make me see blurs.
- 00:45
Grandson
what's the point of an operation that makes you see blurs
- 00:48
Grandma
well it was something to do
- 00:51
Grandson
well i could take you out sometime maybe go to the park or something
- 00:54
Grandma
no dear this is what i like just visiting with my grandson
- 00:59
Grandson ?
yeah this is great
- 01:04
Grandma
would you mind sitting just a bit closer a blurs you know A bit Just a wee bit closer. I want to be able to see your sweet face.
- 01:22
Grandson ?
I No, sir. could turn the radio on. This way we can listen to some music, huh?
- 01:32
Grandma
No, that's a lovely idea, but it all just sounds like mosquitoes.
- 01:38
Grandson
Mosquitoes, huh?
- 01:41
Grandma
Would you mind just sitting a bit closer? You're starting to sound like a mosquito.
- 01:47
Grandson
I'll just talk louder.
- 01:49
Grandma
You're Dear, you're not thinking thinking about killing me and burying me in the basement, are you?
- 02:04
Grandson ?
what
- 02:05
Grandma
you're not thinking about taking a brick and smashing in the back of my skull and dragging me by my ankles my head thumping against every step and then bury me in the basement are you
- 02:18
Grandson
of course not grandma what makes you say a thing like that
- 02:22
Grandma
yeah that's what I was thinking
- 02:24
Grandson
you were thinking about me killing you
- 02:26
Grandma
oh no dear I was thinking about me killing you and then burying you in the basement of course I don't think I could drag you by your heels I'd have to hire someone some ne'er-do-well to drag you down and bury you in the basement of course then I'd kill him too and bury you both in the same hole
- 02:47
Grandson
what the hell are you talking about this is insane you want to kill me
- 02:54
Grandma ?
I start Oh, no, dear me, no. It's just that when you get old, you start to think about death.
- 03:01
Grandson
Grandma, you're not thinking about death. You're thinking about murder.
- 03:06
Grandma
Oh, I know, dear. Just now I was thinking about taking a big knife, maybe the one we used to carve the turkey with, and stabbing you in the neck, in one side and out the other.
- 03:17
Grandson
Look, you're freaking me out here, Grandma. I think you need some help.
- 03:20
Grandma
Well, I already said I'd need help to drag you into the basement.
- 03:23
Grandson
No, I mean a psychiatrist. You're talking sick stuff here.
- 03:27
Grandma
Oh, no, it's all just talk. I don't have the strength for anything anymore.
- 03:33
Grandson
Yeah, well, I gotta go.
- 03:35
Grandma
What, no kiss goodbye?
- 03:37
Grandson
Let Let me see your hands.
- 03:46
Grandma ?
I'm Oh, you caught me. You're the devil.
- 03:52
Grandson
I'm the devil? I'm outta here. Yeah, I'll see you at your funeral, you stupid old...
- 03:58
Grandma
This Oh, this one's gonna be tough. He's much smarter than his father. Here kitty kitty. Here kitty kitty.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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