Jacqueline McCafferty: Ceilidh

Narrating straight to camera, Jacqueline McCafferty explains that she has gone years without a decent man and reckons a ceilidh speed-dating night is safe, since the dancing will stop her from saying anything daft. A cheerful organiser photographs her for the wall of attendees, where admirers can leave cards under each picture. Jacqueline is thrown by the room full of kilted men, sinks into an anxious, self-pitying spiral about her heroin and methadone years, and endures a night of dances she is sure everyone is laughing through. When she finds a pile of cards waiting under her photo, she cannot believe anyone would want her and talks herself into rejecting them all, mangling a famous Groucho Marx line on the way out.

Jacqueline McCafferty is one of the Limmy's Show! characters Brian Limond first created for his 2006 podcast Limmy's World of Glasgow.