Obama's Anger Translator

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:05
   

   Barack Obama

   Good evening, my fellow Americans. Now, before I begin, I just want to say that I know a lot of people out there seem to think that I don't get angry. That's just not true. I get angry a lot. It's just that the way I express passion is different from most. So, just so there's no more confusion, we've hired Luther here to be my anger translator. Luther.

2. 00:28
   

   Luther

   Hi.

3. 00:29
   

   Barack Obama

   Hi.

4. 00:29
   

   Barack Obama

   First off, concerning the recent developments in the Middle Eastern region, I just want to reiterate our unflinching support for all people and their right to a democratic process.

5. 00:39
   

   Luther

   Hey, all y'all dictators out there, keep messing around and see what happens. Just see what happens. Watch.

6. 00:45
   

   Barack Obama

   Also, to the governments of Iran and North Korea, we once again urge you to discontinue your uranium enrichment program.

7. 00:53
   

   Luther

   Hey, Mahmoud, Kim Jong, I think I already untold both y'all, 86 of your shit bitches almost come over there and do it for y'all. Please test me and see what happens.

8. 01:04
   

   Barack Obama

   On the domestic front, I just want to say to my critics, I hear your voices, and I'm aware of your concerns.

9. 01:11
   

   Luther

   So maybe if you could chill the hell out for like a second, then maybe I can focus on some shit, you know?

10. 01:16
    

    Barack Obama

    That goes for everybody, including members of the Tea Party.

11. 01:19
    

    Luther

    Oh, don't even get me started on these motherfuckers right here.

12. 01:22
    

    Barack Obama

    I want to assure you that we will be looking for new compromises with the GOP in the months ahead.

13. 01:27
    

    Luther

    And you know these motherfuckers are gonna say no before I even suggest some shit.

14. 01:30
    

    Barack Obama

    Now, I know that a lot of folks say that I haven't done a good job at communicating my accomplishments to the public.

15. 01:37
    

    Luther

    Because y'all motherfuckers don't listen.

16. 01:40
    

    Barack Obama

    Uh, since being in office, we've created three million new jobs.

17. 01:45
    

    Luther

    Three million new jobs.

18. 01:47
    

    Barack Obama

    We ended the war in Iraq.

19. 01:48
    

    Luther

    Ended the war, y'all. We ended a war, remember that?

20. 01:51
    

    Barack Obama

    These achievements should serve as a reminder that I am on your side.

21. 01:55
    

    Luther

    I am not a Muslim!

22. 01:58
    

    Barack Obama

    And that my intentions, as your president, are coming from the right place.

23. 02:02
    

    Luther

    They coming from Hawaii, which is where I'm from, which is in the United States of America, y'all, okay? This is ridiculous! I have a birth certificate! I have a birth certificate! I have a hot, biggity-doggity, mama-say-mama-samu-makusa birth certificate, you dumbass crackers!

24. 02:18
    

    Barack Obama

    Okay, Luther, rope it in.

25. 02:20
    

    Luther

    Yeah, dial it back, Luther, damn.

26. 02:22
    

    Barack Obama

    In conclusion, last night I had a conversation with Michelle and...

27. 02:27
    

    Luther

    I says bitch.

28. 02:28
    

    Barack Obama

    Nope. I did not say that. I did not say that.

29. 02:30
    

    Luther

    You did not say that.

30. 02:39

    If I'm tweeting, you better be reading. Follow my ass on Twitter.