Tim Robinson
The Driving Crooner
You're tuned to the good stuff
The setup
The premise
A man (Tim Robinson) offers free designated driver services to his drunk friends while presenting himself as "The Driving Crooner" - using window decals of a fedora and cigar on his driver's side window to create an "illusion" that only works from one specific angle. The character hilariously misunderstands what "crooning" actually is, thinking it means wearing a fedora and wiggling a cigar rather than singing. Throughout the ride, he oscillates wildly between pride in his business concept, anger at frat boys who threaten him, paranoid fear that people are trying to steal his decals or make the illusion look fake, and melancholy about his dreams of expanding statewide with 5 cars. He insists the concept is "simply too good" and is trying to figure out how to monetize it.
The funny people
Say it with us
The dream is to have 5 cars going around statewide
I GOTTA FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE MONEY OFF THIS THING, it's simply too good
FUCK HES TRYING TO STEAL MY DECAL
That Was the Earth Telling Me I'm Supposed to Do Something Great
Behind the scenes

Director

Director

Writer

Writer

Writer
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
Speaker 1
Hey, everyone. Kathy won't be in today. She got a DUI last night coming home from the office happy hour.
Speaker 2
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1
Because she was at a work social event, I feel like I have to remind you all to be responsible.
Thank God she's okay.
The Driving Crooner
Yeah. God, so scary.
The Driving Crooner
You know, if anybody here ever feels like they've had too much to drink and they still need to drive, here's my number. No judgment. I mean it. I will pick you up wherever, whenever.
Speaker 3
It's good to see you, dude.
James
Dude, I had a blast.
Speaker 3
You good to drive?
James
I should be fine.
Speaker 3
All right. See you home safe.
James
Later.
James
Appreciate you picking me up.
The Driving Crooner
Not a problem at all. Glad you called me. Glad you got out of there safe. You did the right thing. Yeah, you got behind the wheel. That could have been bad.
James
Yeah.
The Driving Crooner
Fuck, they're trying to make it look fake. God damn it!
James
Make what look fake?
The Driving Crooner
The hat and the cigar. It's to me for it to look real. You got to be right next to me. Everybody tries to make it look fake.
The Driving Crooner
You didn't know you were driving with a driving crew, did you? Or working with a driving crew.
James
No, I didn't know you do this.
The Driving Crooner
Oh yeah, I do this. I own this.
James
You own what?
The Driving Crooner
TheDrivingCruiser.com, baby. Don't you love it?
The Driving Crooner
Money on this thing, it's simply too good. The dream is to have five cars going around statewide.
James
Watch out for this guy here.
The Driving Crooner
Fuck, he's trying to steal my decals!
James
What the hell are you doing?
The Driving Crooner
Sorry about that, I thought he was trying to steal my decals.
James
He was walking his dog.
The Driving Crooner
He was walking right up the car, he was trying to rip the hat off, he was trying to rip the cigar off!
James
How would he do that?
The Driving Crooner
Some people hate this James. I don't know what it is, but they fucking hate it. There's people that want to kill me
James
They want to kill you for doing the driving crooner
The Driving Crooner
Gotta figure out how to make money on this. I really want to
The Driving Crooner
hey, what do you think of Richard from work? He's got that big Cadillac. I could just slap the sticker on the side. He'd be a perfect driving crooner
James
Yeah, man, maybe
The Driving Crooner
yeah Yeah! Yes, James!
Speaker 4
Fucking kill you, driving crooner!
The Driving Crooner
When I was a kid, I fell into a river and a fish bumped me out of the water. I was supposed to die, but a fish bumped me out with its nose. That was the earth telling me I was supposed to do something great. And I know that's the driving crooner. It has to be. You know what I mean, James?
The rabbit hole continues
More from across the archive.