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The Gospel According to Berkeley
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On the night of the Nativity, a Berkeley professor and his two students arrive at the Bethlehem stable as self-styled wise persons from the west, guided by the star and GPS. Mary and Joseph, just visited by the Magi from the east, explain that their son will be King of the Jews, but the visitors insist that Jews will not reach the land for another 1,948 years and recast the family as Palestinians who practice Islam. The lecture tangles itself in contradictions as the professor predicts the baby will be killed by Jews who supposedly do not exist yet, and promises their next class will sort it out. The trio then sets off to visit Santa, whom they also claim as Palestinian, leaving the couple baffled.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
The star of Bethlehem and GPS showed us the way to your door.
That's a very Islamophobic question. Actually, it makes me feel unsafe.
Wow, it's so worth 54 grand a year in tuition.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Brett Gelman joined the cast during a solidarity visit to Israel, and Liat Harlev and Tamir Bar reprised the student characters from an earlier viral Eretz Nehederet sketch about American campus activism.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:08
Mary
What? What? More visitors?
- 00:12
Ah! SINGS
- 00:18
Berkeley Professor
Greetings, Joseph and Miriam from Nazareth. The star of Bethlehem and GPS showed us the way to your door. Allow us to introduce ourselves. We are three wise men from the West.
- 00:33
Berkeley Professor
OK, um, three wise persons. Of course. May we enter?
- 00:40
Tamir Bar
Love the decor, very earthy.
- 00:42
Yes, so sustainable.
- 00:45
Berkeley Professor
Oh, yes. What are these walls, Cadillac?
- 00:47
Mary
I'm sorry, but it's really late. I just had a baby.
- 00:50
Joseph
Yeah, and we already had a visit from the three wise men from the east that just left, so maybe it's not a good time.
- 00:59
Berkeley Professor
With all due respect to these eastern wise men, we're from Berkeley.
- 01:05
Joseph
OK. Anyway, they gave us their blessing and they told us that our newborn son will be the king of the jewish i
- 01:13
Tamir Bar
The Jews, King of the Jews,
- 01:16
Berkeley Professor
what don't see anything jewish here you have to understand jews will only come to this land 1948 years from now
- 01:29
Liat Har Lev
as a colonialist power
- 01:31
Berkeley Professor
oh i see someone's been listening this semester
- 01:34
Joseph
what do you mean we are jews
- 01:38
Berkeley Professor
no no you're not
- 01:39
Joseph
so what are we
- 01:41
Berkeley Professor
you are Palestinians of course
- 01:43
Tamir Bar
that drip is fire
- 01:48
Joseph
what
- 01:49
Berkeley Professor
Palestinians the indigenous inhabitants of this land in the beginning God created the heaven the earth and Palestinians
- 01:59
Mary
wait so my baby is also Palestinian
- 02:02
Berkeley Professor
of course
- 02:04
and you
- 02:05
Berkeley Professor
If you don't practice Judaism, you practice Islam.
- 02:10
Tamir Bar
Allahu Akbar, man.
- 02:11
Liat Har Lev
So Akbar.
- 02:13
Joseph
What is Islam?
- 02:15
Tamir Bar
I'm sorry. That's a very Islamophobic question. Actually, it makes me feel unsafe.
- 02:21
Joseph
So wait a minute. Our baby will be the king of the Palestinians?
- 02:25
Berkeley Professor
Exactly. Too bad he'll be dead at a very young age, because he'll be murdered by the Jews.
- 02:31
Mary
Oh, my god.
- 02:33
Liat Har Lev
Excuse me, Professor. Professor, so there are Jews living here?
- 02:37
Berkeley Professor
No, no, no, no, no, no. Only Palestinians.
- 02:41
Tamir Bar
Oh, so the Palestinians will kill Jesus?
- 02:45
Berkeley Professor
No, no. No Palestinian would ever hurt anyone. Never. Especially not Hamas.
- 02:50
Tamir Bar
Wait. I don't understand.
- 02:52
Berkeley Professor
Okay, guys, this is exactly what our next class is about, all right? How did the Jews kill Jesus without even existing? It's going to be fun, all right? Don't worry about it.
- 03:01
Tamir Bar
Wow, it's so worth 54 grand a year in tuition. Right?
- 03:05
Berkeley Professor
I think. Anyways, congratulations on your definitely not Jewish baby boy.
- 03:13
Yay, woo.
- 03:14
Liat Har Lev
Can we go visit Santa in the North Pole?
- 03:17
Berkeley Professor
North Palestine.
- 03:19
Liat Har Lev
Oh, right.
- 03:20
Berkeley Professor
Santa is a Palestinian, too.
- 03:23
Liat Har Lev
Santa, walk far.
- 03:25
Berkeley Professor
Very good.
- 03:26
Ho, ho, What ho. the
- 03:29
Mary
What the hell was that?
- 03:31
Joseph
Jesus.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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