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Hip-Hop News: Wu-Tang Torture
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In a Hip Hop Newsbreak on News 3, whiteface anchor Chuck Taylor stiffly relays the day's top story: a Staten Island man is in stable condition after being assaulted by rapper Method Man following an argument. Propped up in a hospital bed and ringed by reporters' microphones, Tron recounts the attack in lurid detail, every torment lifted from the Wu-Tang Clan song that shares the rapper's name, and places the whole Clan at the scene in the slums of Shaolin. Back at the desk, Taylor adds one more grisly detail without a flicker of expression, warns viewers that Method Man is still at large and signs off.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Straight torture, son.
First, he put my nuts on the dresser.
At this point, Method Man is still at large.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Rusty Cundieff
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Tron's injuries are taken from the lyrics of the Wu-Tang Clan song "Method Man", and the attackers he lists are the members of the Clan.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
And now, a hip-hop news break with Chuck Taylor.
- 00:06
Chuck Taylor
Good evening, I'm Chuck Taylor. It's been a very busy day in the news. A lot of things have happened. A Staten Island man is listed in stable condition tonight after a brutal assault by rapper Method Man following an argument. The victim addressed the press earlier today.
- 00:22
Tron
It was torture. Straight torture, son. First he put my nuts on the dresser. It was crazy. Just my nuts. And then he banged them with the spiked bat, like, wow! Then he sold my asshole shit. Kept feeding me and feeding me and feeding me. This all took place in the slums of Shaolin. It was the Rizzo, the Jizzle, old Dirty Banzard, Raekwon, the Chef, U-Guard, Inspector Deck, and, of course, Method Man.
- 00:53
Chuck Taylor
The victim also said that at one point during the altercation, Method Man put a hanger on the stove and left it for, like, 40 minutes. and then he stuck it in his ass real slow at this point method man is still at large so stay tuned to news channel 3 for this and other stories I'm Chuck Taylor
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