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The Love Contract
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
Staged as a late-night commercial, the sketch opens on a couple kissing in a candlelit bedroom while an announcer warns that these days a new partner might later dispute whether an encounter was consensual. Before things go any further, Dave produces the Love Contract and walks Rashida Jones through it, pointing out where she signs, where she initials for each specific act she is agreeing to, and where she marks the ones she declines. With the paperwork done the mood returns, but the encounter is over almost immediately. Embarrassed, he asks her to keep it to herself, and the announcer presents a follow-up product from the same makers, a confidentiality agreement. She signs that as well, he warns her that he will sue if she ever talks, and he tosses the form into the wastebasket like a jump shot while shouting the name of basketball star Kobe Bryant.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
The Love Contract. Because you'd hate to catch a beef for something you know you didn't do.
From the makers of the Love Contract comes the Confidentiality Agreement.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Scott Vincent
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The sketch aired on February 11, 2004, while the sexual assault charge filed against basketball star Kobe Bryant in July 2003 was still pending; Dave's closing shout of his name points to that case, which was dismissed in September 2004.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:11
So pale, so pale, so pale, so pale, so pale, so pale.
- 00:24
It's Let's start the show.
- 00:33
Speaker 1
You've just met that special someone, and you're letting your desire for each other take you to incredible heights. But these days, you can never be too sure they aren't going to dispute whether the sex was consensual.
- 00:45
Man ?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Before we go any further.
- 00:48
Speaker 1 ?
Which is why this night calls for the love contract.
- 00:52
Woman ?
What's this?
- 00:52
Man ?
nothing it's just a document saying that you're willing participant in this sexual experience
- 00:57
Woman ?
well I am
- 01:00
Man ?
beside here and here and initial there for oral I'm gonna do you too and just initial there if you decline anal
- 01:15
let's Mmm, let's course
- 01:20
Man ?
no no no it's not going down pretty much standard
- 01:23
I don't know about you but I'm still horny stew this girl oh oh make me feel good
- 01:32
Speaker 1
the love contract because you'd hate to catch a beef for something you know you didn't do
- 01:36
and now wow
- 01:38
Woman ?
well Well that that didn't take too long
- 01:49
Man ?
i know just do me a favor okay don't tell anybody about this
- 01:55
Speaker 1
from the makers of the love contract comes the confidentiality
- 01:59
Woman ?
don't worry I'm not going to tell anybody
- 02:03
Man ?
I know you won't or I'll sue your ass Kobe!
- 02:15
Ladies and gentlemen, James Chappelle! Oh, boy! Hey, everybody! Hey, man!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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