Sales Pitches

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00
   

   Host

   since i started the second season one like when i walk down the street people always scream stuff out like i'll be with my kids people like i'm rick james you know stuff the other thing that happens which i think is the worst is when people come up to me and try to give me ideas for the show send them through the proper channels all right now i'm not saying i'm not open just pick your spots as a matter of fact if you knew what was going through my mind when you pitched me that kind of stuff you wouldn't even talk to me because Because I don't think about anything but what you're talking about. For example.

2. 00:32
   

   Dave's Wife ?

   I love you, baby.

3. 00:34

   Dave Chappelle ?

   Oh, I know you do. Come here, girl. Give me some.

4. 00:38
   

   Frank Felman

   Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but I just had to say hello.

5. 00:42

   Dave Chappelle ?

   Hey, man. How you doing?

6. 00:43
   

   Frank Felman ?

   Is this a bad time?

7. 00:44

   Dave Chappelle ?

   You kind of caught me in the middle of something.

8. 00:46
   

   Frank Felman

   Cool. So I'm sure you get this all the time, but I have the perfect idea for you. It's a movie. Is it cool if I sit down? This will only take a minute. I'm Frank Fellman.

9. 00:55

   Dave Chappelle ?

   You kind of caught me and the wife at a bad time.

10. 00:57
    

    Frank Felman

    It's a love story. You play an underground street poet named Colt 45. He's a rebel with a big heart. He's a loner because his wife has been killed by the chief financial officer of the company that she used to work for.

11. 01:13
    

    Frank Felman ?

    Monkey. Ashillary. He's a volunteer veterinarian on Wednesdays.

12. 01:19

    Dave Chappelle ?

    I wonder what Arsenio's doing right now. He probably at a wine and cheese party. Damn, there's some good-ass cheese. They don't tell me how good the cheese is, he'll be mad.

13. 01:33
    

    Arsenio Hall ?

    How come you didn't tell me how good the cheese was? Mother . Good-ass cheese, man. What the you lookin' at? I was... Bob Eubanks lookin' mother . You should have told me how good the cheese was.

14. 01:43
    

    Frank Felman ?

    I was thinking the villain could be played by Rod Stewart.

15. 01:47

    Dave Chappelle ?

    Man, I should have been a rapper. That looked like fun.

16. 01:50
    

    Rapper ?

    How you gonna rip it like this, son? How you gonna rip it like that, son? I don't play deck because it's action. But I need a gimmick. That's right, I'm the black sheep, the real black sheep. I'm the black sheep, the real black sheep. real Black.

17. 02:06
    

    Frank Felman

    We have this big showdown at the foot of the space shuttle. My company is willing to offer you $12 million.

18. 02:23

    Dave Chappelle ?

    $12 million? Frank, right? Right? You want something to drink? Wait, just get this something to drink. Look, Frank, I love those skits on Chappelle's show. I write a lot of those, and I'm thinking maybe I can give you some ideas to make Colt a more interesting character.

19. 02:38
    

    Frank Felman ?

    I would love to hear them.

20. 02:40

    Dave Chappelle ?

    All right, well, instead of calling him Colt 45, first of all, we got to change the name.

21. 02:44

    NASCAR race. Unicorns. Dirty diapers.

22. 02:50

    Dave Chappelle ?

    Instead of the space shuttle, you make it right on the steps of Lincoln Memorial.

23. 02:54
    

    Frank Felman ?

    That's good.

24. 02:55

    Dave Chappelle ?

    I wonder what my girl's thinking about.

25. 02:58
    

    Dave's Wife ?

    You know who I'd love to have sex with?

26. 03:07

    Killing you, killing you, killing you, killing you!