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Tyrone Biggums's Classroom Visit
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A teacher introduces Tyrone Biggums to her class as the surprise speaker for Drug Awareness Day. His anti-drug talk keeps drifting into fond memories of marijuana, acid and sniffing markers, along with practical tips on raising money for drugs and finding a dealer, before he moves on to even more unsettling confessions. In interview cutaways, the teacher, Janet Phelps, recalls the visit with mounting horror. When she finally takes back the microphone, Tyrone insists on being paid in cash before he leaves.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I say it's a privilege because it's a violation of my parole to be around children.
I can definitely say he was the absolute worst anti-drug speaker in the history of drugs.
I thought the worst was over. I was mistaken.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Tyrone Biggums's first appearance on Chappelle's Show.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
He's been away for a while, but he's back around.
- 00:03
Tyrone Biggums
Y'all tell nobody, I'll kill you!
- 00:05
Speaker 1
He's crackhead in the town.
- 00:09
Tyrone Biggums
Peanut butter and crack thing.
- 00:11
Speaker 1
He's crackhead back in the joint.
- 00:13
Tyrone Biggums
Look out, crack! Here I come!
- 00:18
Speaker 1
He's Tyrone.
- 00:21
Speaker 1
This week, Tyrone visits a local middle school to promote drug awareness.
- 00:26
Janet Phelps
We have a very special surprise today. Let's hear it for Tyrone Beckham!
- 00:40
Tyrone Biggums
thank you very much teacher it is truly an honor and a privilege for me to be here at Pinehurst school or whatever your school is called today I say it's a privilege because it's a violation of my parole to be around children but enough about that
- 01:03
Tyrone Biggums
hello little boys and little girls y'all are looking at a dead man i should not be in front of you today drugs and alcohol have ruined my life
- 01:23
Tyrone Biggums
i started doing drugs when i was little just like you thought me and my friends would go home and smoke marijuana after school
- 01:33
Tyrone Biggums
Can you say marijuana?
- 01:35
Marijuana.
- 01:37
Tyrone Biggums
That's why I was smoking. Sometimes dipped in embalming fluid. And me and my friends would laugh and giggle and eat all the cookies. It was terrible.
- 01:47
Janet Phelps
Terrible. I can definitely say he was the absolute worst anti-drug speaker in the history of drugs.
- 01:55
Tyrone Biggums
Then I upgraded to a little drug called acid. Very inexpensive and affordable. Even young children could afford it. It's so bad. I did two hits of that, and Bugs Bunny and Scooby Doo and all my favorite classical heroes came to my room and ate cookies with me and sang songs for 16 hours.
- 02:17
Tyrone Biggums
Goddamn! Talkin' about... Mickey Mouse was doin' the bass line like this. Buh-buh-buh-boo. Buh-buh-buh-boo.
- 02:32
Janet Phelps
And then he basically told them where and how to buy the stuff.
- 02:38
Tyrone Biggums
We all know we can sneak into our mama's room when she's sleeping and take $5, $10, maybe $20 out of her purse, run on down to 3rd Street, catch the D-Bus downtown, and meet a Latin American fellow named Martinez. We know that. And we know that Martinez stuff is the bomb.
- 02:56
Tyrone Biggums
Kids, drugs is all around you.
- 03:00
Tyrone Biggums
HOW WOULD I KNOW WHEN DRUGS IS AROUND, YOU MIGHT BE ASKING? WELL, I TELL YOU, YOU WITH THE MAGIC MARKERS, WHAT YOU THINK THIS IS, SOME KIND OF CRAM? NO, TAKE THAT CAP OFF AND SNIFF IT, AND YOU'LL BE HIGH.
- 03:14
Janet Phelps
THESE LITTLE ONES ARE 10 AND 11 YEARS OLD.
- 03:19
Tyrone Biggums
YOU, YOU KNOW WHAT DOG FOOD TASTES LIKE, DO YOU? IT TASTES JUST LIKE IT SMELLS. DELICIOUS.
- 03:27
Tyrone Biggums
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW I GO TO THE BATHROOM.
- 03:39
Janet Phelps
I thought the worst was over. I was mistaken.
- 03:43
Tyrone Biggums
That, children, was the first time I the for crap. But it wouldn't be the last. Why, one time I seen Martina as mine.
- 03:53
Janet Phelps
I'm trying to say something.
- 03:55
Janet Phelps
Lovely and moving and graphic story.
- 03:58
Tyrone Biggums
You're welcome, teacher bitch.
- 04:01
Tyrone Biggums
I'm not finished, but that's all right.
- 04:03
Tyrone Biggums
Um, can I get cash for this? I got some urns to run. and I don't think I'm gonna make the bank.
- 04:09
Janet Phelps
I-I-I-I...
- 04:10
Tyrone Biggums
It's my mother, bitch! I earned it!
- 04:12
Janet Phelps
Give my speakers back.
- 04:15
Tyrone Biggums
Thank you, kids. Goodbye.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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