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Reparations 2003
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Anchor Chuck Taylor walks viewers through a nation transformed by reparations payments: an NBA game goes ahead with only its white players, and a Harlem dice player named Tron overtakes Bill Gates as the world's richest man, with no plans to share the windfall. Back at the station, the genial weatherman Big Al reveals he has resigned, abandons his on-air persona and turns the tri-state forecast into a gleeful send-off aimed at his co-workers. Taylor is left to deliver one last piece of alarming breaking news before an abrupt cut to commercial.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
No, no, I just bought this baby, cash.
This is not my real speaking voice.
White people, run for cover.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Andre Allen
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This sketch introduces two recurring Dave Chappelle characters: whiteface News 3 anchor Chuck Taylor and Tron Carter, who later returns in The Mad Real World and Tron Carter's Law & Order.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Now, more Reparations 2003 with Chuck Taylor.
- 00:04
Chuck Taylor
If you're just joining us, black people got their reparations checks today, and in short, all hell is broken loose. In sports, the Philadelphia 76ers took on the New York Knicks. But since none of the black players showed up, Todd McCullough ended up playing one-on-one with Travis Knight. McCullough had 75 points, beating Knight by seven. After the game, McCullough said that he was hurt that none of the black players showed up, but upbeat because he quote finally feels like he has a big penis welcome to the club buddy the big penis Club fortune magazine released their annual list of the hundred wealthiest people today and Bill Gates has been overtaken by whom you ask a Harlem resident named simply Tron our Stephanie Gold is standing by with him now
- 00:52
Stephanie Gold
so how did you become the world's wealthiest man Tron
- 00:56
Tron
Hot hand in a dice game, baby girl. Six hours straight, talking about clackety-clackety-clackety-clack. Now you're looking at the world's richest man, and I'm black. Kiss my black ass, America.
- 01:09
Stephanie Gold
All right, well, I think what everyone wants to know now is what are you going to do with all this money?
- 01:14
Tron
I'm going to reinvest my money into the community.
- 01:17
Stephanie Gold ?
Oh, that's a very nice gesture.
- 01:19
Tron ?
Sike!
- 01:22
Stephanie Gold ?
Okay. Is that your son?
- 01:24
Tron
No, no, I just bought this baby cash. No, straight up, though, I'm gonna do the real thing and spend this money before y'all honkies change your minds.
- 01:33
Stephanie Gold
On that note, Chuck, we're gonna send it back to you in the studio now.
- 01:37
Tron
Hold up, Chuck, I got your girl. What do you say about a little lap dance for the world's richest man?
- 01:41
Stephanie Gold
Oh, well, if you put it that way. Chuck, back to you in the studio.
- 01:44
Chuck Taylor
Thank you, Stephanie.
- 01:45
Another nuke. Suck my n...
- 01:49
Chuck Taylor
We, uh, we seem to have lost the feed. Anyhow, here with the weather is our old pal, reliable, friendly, portly, Big Al.
- 02:02
Big Al
Happy Reparations Day. Happy Juneteenth. Just kidding. Chuck, I don't know if you know this, but I just handed in my resignation here at New Center 3 hours ago. And I'll tell you something else you probably didn't know. And that is this. This is not my real speaking voice. Actually, Chuck, this is my real speaking voice. I talk like a straight-up gangster, bitch. That ain't Big Al. It's Alton Sims, okay?
- 02:30
Chuck Taylor
Now, Big Al, seriously, what's the forecast for the tri-state area?
- 02:33
Big Al
Oh, I don't know, Chuck. Why don't we take a look at my tri-state area map, which looks a lot like my big, fat ass. Okay. Here we have Connecticut. All the white folks drive down 95 and go straight into the Highland Tunnel. Uh-oh. Look out. Here comes a big brown truck. Wait a minute. That ain't no truck.
- 02:53
Chuck Taylor ?
My God, Miguel, it's disgusting.
- 02:57
Big Al ?
I'm paid. I'm paid. I'm paid each day.
- 03:05
Chuck Taylor ?
What's that? Beatboxing?
- 03:07
Big Al
You old pasty bastard. Look at you, Chuck. You look sick, man. You look like you just walked up from Ground Zero. This job sucks. Kiss the rings, bitch.
- 03:22
Chuck Taylor
And there you have it. Excuse me. Incredible. I'm receiving word that Colin Powell has just bitch-slapped Vice President Dick Cheney. White people, run for cover. We'll be right back.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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