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Real Movies: The Matrix
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
On the studio stage, Dave Chappelle introduces Real Movies, a segment about what would actually happen in favorite films, pointing out that any real burglar would have made short work of the kid in Home Alone. The first target is The Matrix. In a gray open-plan office, a jittery young worker called Neo takes a cellphone call from a deep, solemn voice claiming to be Morpheus, who warns him that men are coming for him and that time has run out. As dark-suited agents stride between the cubicles, the voice coaches him step by step: duck into the empty cubicle opposite, stay low, scramble to the end of the hall. At last he is told to look at the black man sitting at the desk to his right, and there is his coworker Earl, phone in hand and grinning. The whole chase was Earl's prank, and he only wanted to borrow a stapler. Neo laughs off being fooled, and back on stage Dave sends the show to a commercial break.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Psych! It's Earl. I need your stapler.
Hello, dum-dum. Do you know who this is?
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
IMDb's episode credits list James Riemer as "Edward Lewis/Neo": besides Neo, he plays Richard Gere's Pretty Woman role in the episode's second Real Movies parody.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Self
And now, folks, it is time for a segment that I like to call Real Movies, where you show the real version of what would happen in some of our favorite movies. You know, a lot of these movies get to be a little fake and phony like you see Home Alone. Macaulay Culkin is tricking these bad guys when you know any real robber would have shot that little dude. And the first five minutes, roll credits, the end. So we like to show what would really happen in some of our favorite movies, starting tonight with The Matrix.
- 00:32
You
- 00:56
Neo ?
Hello?
- 00:58
Earl
Hello, Leo. Do know who this is?
- 01:04
Neo
Morpheus?
- 01:05
Earl
Yes. I've been looking for you, Neo. I don't know if you're ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately, you and I have run out of time. They're coming for you, Neo, and I don't know what they're going to do.
- 01:18
Neo
Who's coming for me?
- 01:21
Earl
Stand up and see for yourself.
- 01:22
Earl ?
I yourself I can can guide you out of there, but you must do exactly as I say.
- 01:37
Neo ?
Okay.
- 01:39
Earl
The cubicle across from you is empty. Stay Go. Now. Stay there.
- 01:56
Earl ?
I
- 02:04
Earl
When tell you, go to the end of the hall. Stay as low as you can. Now, there is a black man sitting at a desk directly to your right. Look at him.
- 02:30
Neo
Morpheus?
- 02:32
Earl
Psych! It's Earl, . I need your stapler. I can't find mine.
- 02:39
Earl
Hello, dum-dum. Do you know who this is?
- 02:43
Neo
Dude! Dude, you totally got me. Well...
- 02:48
Self
All All right, gang, we're gonna take a quick commercial break. We'll be right back with Chappelle's show.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Chappelle's Show.
