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Ask a Black Dude (March 26, 2003)
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Fresh from the R. Kelly music video, Dave Chappelle wonders aloud how he can top it and brings on Paul Mooney for another round of Ask a Black Dude. Twisted Sister's Dee Snider, standing on a Manhattan sidewalk, asks whether every Black man really is generously endowed; Mooney assures him they are, then drifts into mixed couples, the idea that white partners never go back, and Mariah Carey's divorce from a white husband. A white man in a suit asks why Black men with good hair shave their heads. Mooney replies that white people have adopted bald heads too because they take everything, ticking off Tina Turner, Michael Jackson, James Brown (later returned) and Lionel Richie, and closes by warning that if a Black performer speaks too freely on his own show, they will take the show and fix him as well.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Once you go black, you don't come back.
They take everything.
They'll take your show. They'll fix you too.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
This installment follows directly after the R. Kelly "Piss on You" music video parody in the same episode, which is why Chappelle opens by asking how he can follow it.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Dave Chappelle
Boy, that R. Kelly can make a love song about anything, can't it?
- 00:07
Dave Chappelle
Now, a lot of you might be wondering, Dave, how are you going to follow that? How else?
- 00:12
Dave Chappelle
Make some noise, ladies and gentlemen, for Paul Mooney. It's time for Ask a Black Dude.
- 00:17
Dee Snider
Are all their dicks really big? Or are some small, some big?
- 00:27
Dee Snider
Is it a mixed bag? Or we just assume they're all hung like horses?
- 00:31
Paul Mooney
Brothers are packing. They seem to be packing.
- 00:34
Paul Mooney
I guess that's the way of the world.
- 00:37
Paul Mooney
and that's why you have so many mixed couples white girl ain't that crazy
- 00:43
Paul Mooney
once you go black you don't come back and you go white you go running back to black ain't that the way it goes it happens that way
- 00:51
Paul Mooney
wasn't mariah carey married to a white man and then they divorced
- 00:55
Paul Mooney
she was humping on black chairs she went crazy when she got away
- 01:00
Speaker 1
okay i've always wondered why black guys shave their heads
- 01:04
Speaker 1
i mean it just seems that they have great hair and i could never figure out why some of them shave their heads
- 01:11
Paul Mooney
it's just a fact now white folks wear bald heads too you know that they're gonna let a have nothing
- 01:15
Paul Mooney
they took that they take everything they took tina turner they took michael jackson they took james brown they gave him back who else they take lani richie
- 01:29
Paul Mooney
oh they'll take stuff but they will take they will they won't let us have too much fun
- 01:33
Paul Mooney
that's what i told some black people the other night at my show i said don't get i said don't get too fond of me because white folks come in and take me
- 01:40
Paul Mooney
they only want niggas to have a little bit of fun
- 01:44
Paul Mooney
i get to talking some mess on your show they'll take your show they'll fix you too
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Chappelle's Show.
