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Chinese Takeaway
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
An evening on the sofa becomes a lengthy exercise in sorting food as Scott hands Peter container after container from their Chinese takeaway. The order grows ever more elaborate, including dishes customized until they barely resemble their names. Almost everything meets with approval, until a small mix-up with the soft drinks suddenly demands urgent action.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Aye, that's all my starters.
Just beef.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Iain Connell
Writer
Robert Florence
Writer
Iain Davidson
Director
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:02
Scott
All right, man, grub's up.
- 00:04
Peter
Yes, starving, man.
- 00:06
Scott
A breast of chicken curry, man, that's yours. There's your rice. There's your ribs and all, man.
- 00:12
Peter
Yes.
- 00:13
Scott
These noodles, yours and all.
- 00:14
Peter
That's mine, aye.
- 00:16
Scott ?
You go.
- 00:17
Scott
Corn toast, man, yours.
- 00:18
Peter
Yes.
- 00:19
Scott
Spring rolls, yours. Another bag of them, yours, man.
- 00:23
Peter
Lovely grub.
- 00:24
Scott
A portion of chipos.
- 00:25
Peter ?
Yours.
- 00:26
Scott
Charsuit chow mein.
- 00:27
Peter
That's mine, aye.
- 00:28
Scott
And a banana fritter.
- 00:29
Scott
If I was you, mate, I'd eat that anew. It's nothing worse than a cold banana fritter
- 00:33
Peter
Aye, true
- 00:35
Scott
Erm, I think that's it mate
- 00:37
Peter
Aye, that's all my starters
- 00:39
Scott ?
You close now?
- 00:41
Peter
Aye, chicken satay, man
- 00:42
Scott
That's mine, aye
- 00:43
Peter
Fried rice, three portions, man
- 00:46
Scott ?
Sit up
- 00:46
Peter
Chicken and black bean sauce
- 00:48
Scott
That's mine
- 00:49
Peter
Chicken and black bean sauce with green peppers
- 00:51
Scott ?
Sit up
- 00:52
Peter
Chicken and black bean sauce with red peppers, man
- 00:54
Scott
Brilliant, cheers
- 00:55
Peter
Chicken and black bean sauce with nae peppers
- 00:58
Scott
Smells brilliant, that
- 00:59
Peter
Chicken and black bean sauce with no black bean sauce and green peppers
- 01:02
Scott ?
Bring it on, man, doggon
- 01:04
Peter
Chilli salt and spicy chicken
- 01:05
Scott
Me, mate
- 01:07
Peter
Chilli salt and spicy beef
- 01:08
Scott
Me, man
- 01:09
Peter
Chilli salt and spicy prawn, man
- 01:11
Scott
That's me and all magic
- 01:12
Peter
Chilli salt and spicy chips
- 01:14
Scott
Oh, you need to try these, mate
- 01:15
Peter
Chilli salt and spicy cheese
- 01:17
Scott
Yes
- 01:18
Peter
Chilli salt and spicy chicken with no chillies, no salt and mild instead of spicy
- 01:22
Scott
That's mine, aye
- 01:23
Peter
And pineapple fritter
- 01:25
Scott
That's mine
- 01:25
Peter
See, if I was you, mate, I'd eat that in an hour there's nothing worse than a cold pineapple frat.
- 01:29
Scott
Tell me about it, man.
- 01:30
Peter
Grilled chicken, Peking style.
- 01:32
Scott
Brilliant, cheers.
- 01:33
Peter
Roast chicken with gravy.
- 01:35
Scott
Cheers, man.
- 01:37
Peter
Beef.
- 01:38
Scott
Beef what?
- 01:39
Peter
Just beef.
- 01:40
Scott
That's me, mate.
- 01:41
Peter
Fried onions, boiled instead of fried.
- 01:43
Scott
Me, mate.
- 01:44
Peter
Hot and sour soup, cold and sweet instead of hot and sour.
- 01:47
Scott
That's me.
- 01:48
Peter
Crispy shredded beef in sweet and sticky sauce,
- 01:51
Scott ?
saffron instead of crispy, whole instead of shredded, spicy instead of sweet and dry instead of sticky.
- 01:55
Peter ?
Does it sound right?
- 01:56
Scott ?
Right.
- 01:57
Peter
Oh, and prawn instead of beef, man?
- 01:59
Scott ?
Aye, that's right, I know.
- 02:00
Peter
Oh, and what about lemonade?
- 02:04
Scott
Lemonade? That's for limeade.
- 02:06
Peter ?
That's more of a joke, man.
- 02:07
Scott ?
Phone name. PHONE NAME NOW!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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