What Up I'm 3-K

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:01
   

   Mrs. Smith

   Congrats, Charlene and Marsha. You are the final two parents fighting for the last kindergarten spot here at EZE College Press.

2. 00:09
   

   Asia's Mom

   Well, thank you, Mrs. Smith. I am sure my daughter Asia would thrive here. She's a tiny superstar.

3. 00:15
   

   Charlene

   It sounds like she'd get along great with my little supernova, Annie. Annie, say hi to the nice lady.

4. 00:21
   

   Annie

   What up, Bob three?

5. 00:22
   

   Asia's Mom

   Hold on, hold on. Whose parent is she? I thought she said we were the only two competing for the last spot.

6. 00:29
   

   Charlene

   Annie doesn't have any competition. Annie, show them your dance.

7. 00:34
   

   Mrs. Smith ?

   Holy sasquatch!

8. 00:36
   

   Annie

   What up, Op 3?

9. 00:37
   

   Charlene

   She's classically and potty-trained.

10. 00:39
    

    Asia

    Mommy, the big lady's scaring me.

11. 00:42
    

    Asia's Mom ?

    I know. No, no, no.

12. 00:44
    

    Charlene ?

    Supportive fingers only, Mommy Marsha.

13. 00:47
    

    Mrs. Smith

    Here, we welcome all children, even those who come in all caps.

14. 00:53
    

    Annie

    What up, Op 3?

15. 00:54
    

    Mrs. Smith ?

    Yes, Annie, we know.

16. 00:55

    No.

17. 00:57
    

    Mrs. Smith ?

    Charlene, have you had Annie's requisite physical, all her shots, possible psyche valve, background checks?

18. 01:04
    

    Asia's Mom ?

    Her mammogram?

19. 01:05
    

    Charlene

    She has had all of her shots. And I would know, because I gave them to her myself.

20. 01:09
    

    Annie

    What up, I'm three.

21. 01:10
    

    Charlene

    You know you can't trust these doctors. They're all cuckoo.

22. 01:13
    

    Mrs. Smith ?

    OK, OK.

23. 01:15
    

    Charlene ?

    Anyway, do you know what a doctor said to me? She's not three. I said, oh, why? Because she's tall? Because she's ovulating?

24. 01:21
    

    Asia's Mom

    Well, Asia here, she's in the 98th percentile. For six-year-olds.

25. 01:26
    

    Charlene ?

    No. No more milk. Not until we get home. Mommy's tender. It hurts. No, not her either. Oh, no. What's happening? No.

26. 01:35
    

    Charlene

    It's hard weaning her off, you know.

27. 01:37
    

    Asia's Mom ?

    She's clearly been eating solids for the past 30 years.

28. 01:40

    Solid milk.

29. 01:41
    

    Annie ?

    What about the...

30. 01:42
    

    Mrs. Smith

    Okay, okay. I think right now we're gonna... We're gonna do a little aptitude test. How about that? What about that? So I'm gonna need the girls to take these shapes and put them into the right spaces.

31. 01:54

    Okay, and get up, sweetie.

32. 01:55
    

    Mrs. Smith

    Ready? It's so easy, even a three-year-old could do it. All right, ready, set, match.

33. 02:02
    

    Charlene

    Okay, that is just like we practiced with the corresponding shape inside of shapes in.

34. 02:07
    

    Annie

    What up, I'm three.

35. 02:08
    

    Charlene ?

    Oh, Yippee!

36. 02:09
    

    Asia's Mom

    This is not fair because she-

37. 02:12
    

    Mrs. Smith ?

    Don't worry, Mommy Marsh. Let's try another one. I'm sure Asia's gonna do great, okay?

38. 02:18
    

    Mrs. Smith

    All right, ladies, what I need you girls to do is take these crayons and color these pictures inside the lines, all right? No mistake.

39. 02:29
    

    Asia's Mom

    Charlene, seriously, is everything okay? Okay, because I'm going to tell you like I told my husband when he shared his fetishes with me. Okay. This is not normal.

40. 02:39
    

    Charlene

    No, there's nothing normal about raising a gifted child.

41. 02:44
    

    Annie

    What up, bottom three?

42. 02:45
    

    Charlene

    Oh, oh, that is so good, baby. Do we have a savant?

43. 02:53
    

    Asia's Mom

    Aisha, do you not care, hm? Cause that's what I'm getting from this, is that you don't care, that you don't want to be in the best kindergarten so that you can thrive, okay? I mean, what is this, huh? You're making a mockery of me and all I've worked for. How am I supposed to show the other moms I am better than them?

44. 03:12
    

    Annie

    What about three?

45. 03:14
    

    Charlene ?

    Oh, I think it's hug o'clock.

46. 03:15
    

    Asia's Mom

    Get off of her, you weirdos.

47. 03:18
    

    Mrs. Smith

    Exactly, Annie. Showing compassion is a prime example of Eazy-E college prep behavior. That's right. You know what? I've decided you are taking the final spot. Congratulations!

48. 03:29
    

    Charlene

    Annie, we did it! Give Loni some. Oh, good girl. We did it. Oh, yes.

49. 03:34
    

    Asia's Mom ?

    Oh, I don't need you. Oh. Because I'm just going to go to the office and suck off the principal like I'm a...

50. 03:41

    Oh! Oh!

51. 03:42
    

    Asia's Mom

    Come on, Asia. Vamanos.

52. 03:45

    Oh.

53. 03:45
    

    Asia's Mom ?

    Breastfeeding weirdos.

54. 03:47

    Wait.

55. 03:47
    

    Mrs. Smith

    Well, uh, Charlene, do you mind if I speak with Annie alone for a moment?

56. 03:53
    

    Charlene

    Uh, only if she's okay with it.

57. 03:55
    

    Annie

    What about three?

58. 03:56
    

    Charlene

    Okay, I'm gonna be right outside if you need me. Oh, wait till Harlan hears about this. She's gonna be so happy, she's gonna take us back. Only be a second. I'm trying to get back with her. That's why I wear my ring.

59. 04:07
    

    Mrs. Smith

    You little shit. I knew you were grown.

60. 04:10
    

    Annie ?

    Look here, lady. I got a good thing going. I'll cut you in if you don't say shit.

61. 04:15
    

    Mrs. Smith ?

    Say less.

62. 04:16

    Whoa.

63. 04:16
    

    Mrs. Smith ?

    I've been running drugs out the back of this school for the past six months. What you got going on?

64. 04:22
    

    Annie ?

    Goddamn! Shit, I was just gonna steal some school supplies and sell them on Amazon, but I think we should combine forces.

65. 04:30
    

    Mrs. Smith ?

    Fuck it, let's go.

66. 04:31
    

    Annie ?

    Yeah, what up, Mr. D?