What Up I'm Three

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:03
   

   Charlene

   Oh, Jerry! Oh, you must be a finger painting for my new baby girl because I am so glad you made it.

2. 00:09
   

   Gerry

   I'm so proud of you. You and Harlan adopting a baby in this fucking world. I mean, wow.

3. 00:14
   

   Charlene

   I can't wait for you to meet her. Harlan, go get baby Annie.

4. 00:17
   

   Harlan

   You're going to quit hollering at me.

5. 00:18
   

   Charlene

   Oh, she is so amazing, okay? She's only three, but she already speaks fluent English.

6. 00:23
   

   Gerry

   Well, I would hope so. You did get her from here, right? America?

7. 00:25
   

   Charlene

   Yeah, but she's adopted, so who knows what else they taught her. Harlan, baby, come on. Put a little pat. Oh, here she comes. Here she comes.

8. 00:32
   

   Harlan

   Brace yourselves.

9. 00:35
   

   Annie

   What up, I'm three.

10. 00:38
    

    Charlene

    I know. Come on down. Slowly. Okay, you see all the people? Look, say hi.

11. 00:43
    

    Annie

    What up, I'm three.

12. 00:45
    

    Charlene

    Thank you all for coming to our sip and see for baby Annie.

13. 00:48
    

    Harlan

    Yeah, I'm gonna need a lot more sips to see my way through this party.

14. 00:52
    

    Charlene

    Are you shy?

15. 00:54
    

    Charlene

    It's been a long two years, but we are so happy we traded our baby Benz for a baby Bjorn.

16. 01:00
    

    Gerry

    Okay, but that baby was Bjorn 30 years ago.

17. 01:03
    

    Annie

    What up, Bob 3?

18. 01:05
    

    Charlene

    Oh, my gosh, Jerry. So you see it, too. She is such an old soul. She's been here before, but you know what's crazy? No, no, no, not anymore. She was actually a preemie.

19. 01:14
    

    Gerry

    Oh, okay. By preemie, do you mean pre-med?

20. 01:16
    

    Charlene

    You're so silly, Sally.

21. 01:17
    

    Harlan

    It's so embarrassing.

22. 01:19
    

    Charlene

    Show Auntie Jerry how old you are.

23. 01:21
    

    Annie

    What up, Bob 3?

24. 01:23
    

    Charlene

    Baby Einstein who? I tried to enroll her in so many pre-K programs, but none of them will accept her. She's just too smart.

25. 01:31
    

    Gerry

    Okay, hold up. I got a question.

26. 01:33
    

    Charlene

    Uh-huh.

27. 01:34
    

    Gerry

    Okay, you know you adopted an adult, right?

28. 01:37
    

    Annie

    What up, Bob 3?

29. 01:38
    

    Gerry

    Or is this one of those cruel pranks from the overworked child welfare system? That's what this is.

30. 01:43
    

    Harlan

    That's what I said. I said, who knew CPS had jokes?

31. 01:46
    

    Gerry

    I'm not the only person who sees this shit, right? Oh, so it's just me and Harlan?

32. 01:50
    

    Harlan

    Oh, don't put me in it.

33. 01:52
    

    Gerry

    Girl, grow a backbone. I'm not gonna change what I said, okay? That is not a baby. That is a vulture. Ma'am, are you a Democrat or a Republican?

34. 02:00
    

    Annie

    What up, Bob 3?

35. 02:01
    

    Gerry

    Uh-huh. A goddamn independent. Now, see, that's why we lost on the floor. Because I know you was there, bitch. I know you was there.

36. 02:06
    

    Charlene ?

    Oh, Jerry, this is a big...

37. 02:15
    

    Charlene

    Why are you acting like this? I mean, I swear to God, I hate that I'm saying this, but I don't even know why we're friends anymore.

38. 02:20
    

    Gerry

    Because I gave you my kidney, bitch.

39. 02:22
    

    Charlene

    You are over here talking... dialed in my backyard.

40. 02:28
    

    Gerry

    Girl, I would never talk shit about a child, but I will talk some shit about a grown-ass woman.

41. 02:33
    

    Charlene

    Oh, my God. Baby, come here.

42. 02:34
    

    Annie

    I can't. I'm sorry.

43. 02:35
    

    Charlene

    It's okay, honey. Show Auntie Jerry how you count. That always makes you feel better.

44. 02:39
    

    Annie

    One, two, what up, Bob, three.

45. 02:44
    

    Gerry

    Charlene, you look crazy, girl.

46. 02:46
    

    Charlene

    You're just saying that because you don't have a child of your own. Don't touch my child.

47. 02:51
    

    Gerry

    Nothing to you, bitch! All I see is adults. Three motherfucking adults. You okay? This is not a family. This is a threepole.

48. 02:59
    

    Annie

    What up, Bob, three?

49. 03:00
    

    Gerry ?

    What up?

50. 03:01

    Speaker 1 ?

    What up?

51. 03:03
    

    Gerry

    What up is your cholesterol, bitch? What up is your motherfucking credit score, bitch? That's what's up! Now you're three years from collecting Social Security. You're about to do one in three years from personating a child after a punch you had.

52. 03:15
    

    Charlene ?

    Enough, you!

53. 03:15
    

    Gerry

    I'm calling somebody.

54. 03:16
    

    Charlene

    That is enough. You know how bad Harlan and I wanted to have a baby.

55. 03:20
    

    Harlan

    No, I didn't.

56. 03:21
    

    Charlene

    What?

57. 03:21
    

    Harlan

    I have never once said, let's have a baby. And if I did, that'll have nothing to do with this grown bitch.

58. 03:26
    

    Annie

    What up, I'm three.

59. 03:27
    

    Harlan

    Bitch, if you don't stop, I can't. I don't know why she's in my house.

60. 03:30
    

    Charlene

    We have this miracle of a child, and this is how you act?

61. 03:35
    

    Gerry

    She's literally smoking.

62. 03:36
    

    Annie

    What up, I'm three.

63. 03:37
    

    Charlene

    Look what you've done, Jeri. You have stressed this child out so much that she picked up smoking?

64. 03:43
    

    Gerry

    Picked up? She looks pretty good at it.

65. 03:45
    

    Charlene

    You know what? Get out!

66. 03:46
    

    Gerry

    You gonna kick me out? When this bitch is old enough to buy me tickets to go see, get out!

67. 03:51
    

    Charlene

    Annie, please, see Auntie Jeri out.

68. 03:53
    

    Gerry

    Don't see me out for shit. I'll see my damn self out. Fuck all that. Baby Jane looking ass. Gonna kick me out for telling the motherfucking truth. That's some bullshit. You know, that's when I take this wine.

69. 04:04
    

    Gerry ?

    Is that... Oh, you little shit.

70. 04:09
    

    Annie

    That's right, Jerry. You're not gonna blow this for me, OK? I'm about to rob this place tonight.

71. 04:14
    

    Gerry

    You want what?

72. 04:15
    

    Annie

    And if you don't tell Charlene, I might cut your head.

73. 04:18
    

    Gerry ?

    That is not

74. 04:19
    

    Charlene ?

    good. Fuck out, Jerry!

75. 04:22
    

    Gerry

    Fine. You know what? Fuck it. 30%.

76. 04:27
    

    Annie

    What up? It's a deal.