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It's Getting Heist in Here
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At a museum showing a Fashion Through the Ages exhibition and a prized Rihanna diamond, three thieves in black jumpsuits and conspicuous disguises plan to swap the gem for a decoy and slip out. Gretchen, in a silver tinsel wig, keeps derailing the job: she films social media posts, casually tells Tara a devastating secret about her father, mistakes a stranger for an old college friend, and insists on sharing feelings while Rhonda hacks a fingerprint lock to disarm the lasers. Hiding behind a painting, Gretchen and Tara then tell Rhonda she deserves a smaller cut despite hacking every system, and at the exit Gretchen comforts a guilt-ridden museum patron by cheerfully naming her accomplices in full in front of the guard.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 4
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I cannot wait to add Thief to my LinkedIn resume.
It is never a good time to hear you're a victim of a tragedy.
Girl, I know, but the word heist is so heavy.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Bridget Stokes
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Gretchen and her crew return in the season 4 sketch It's Getting Heistier in Here.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:09
Oh, bloody hell. But we're watching. What the hell? We said wear disguises. What is with this wig?
- 00:16
Gretchen ?
Huh? You don't like it? It's too much?
- 00:17
A little bit, yeah. You know what? I think that lady got her wig on. Let me go and snatch it. No, no, no, no, no. Never mind her wig, Tara. The Rihanna diamond is just in that other room. All we have to do is take it, leave the decoy, remove these ridiculous disguises, and just walk out of here. You're right. You're right. You're absolutely right. Okay. Oh, I hate you. Diminishing. Now's our chance. The guard is watching Rihanna videos, so let's move it. Let's move it. Yes!
- 00:42
Gretchen ?
I cannot wait to add Thief to my LinkedIn resume.
- 00:46
Tara Alizé Monet ?
Please, tell absolutely nobody about this.
- 00:48
Gretchen ?
I'm not gonna tell anybody, Tara. I'm just posting to my close friends. Smile. About to rob this museum or whatever.
- 00:55
Tara Alizé Monet ?
I can't imagine going to jail.
- 00:56
Gretchen ?
Listen, you heard about your dad.
- 00:58
Tara Alizé Monet ?
What?
- 00:59
Gretchen ?
You said you can't imagine going to jail, so you heard about your dad.
- 01:02
Tara Alizé Monet ?
I can't imagine going to jail because it's jail. What? What's the truth about my dad?
- 01:07
Gretchen ?
Okay, let's just say this. Your real daddy abandoned you at birth to pursue his dreams of being the Lion King on Broadway. Then he went to prison, talking about getting caught in a robbery, dressed as Mufasa, talking about... Oh, sorry, sorry. Was that loud? Girl, I thought you knew. It's all anybody talks about at intramural kickball.
- 01:26
It is never a good time to hear you're a victim of a tragedy. Let's do a TikTok. Can we please get back to robbing this museum? Yeah, yeah, fine. Jeez. We're going to creep over to the next column and we're not going to make it weird, all right? Of course not. I'm gonna make it weird. So let's... Oh, Lord, she's making it weird. She's testing him, making it weird. ...say the roses and thorns of the trip.
- 01:52
This isn't a trip, Gretchen.
- 01:54
Gretchen ?
Girl, I know, but the word heist is so heavy.
- 01:57
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm. What's up with her? Is that Jason from college? Jason? Oh, I thought he died in a moose accident. Now, I'm gonna show you that. It's not bloody, Jason. I know this. That wasn't Jason. It was some man saying, he's gonna turn us in. We look like criminals. Yes! Okay, quick, let's hide under this table. Okay, let me go. All right, Rhonda, hack into the fingerprint access knob and disarm those lasers. Huh? You got this. You can do it. You got this. You're a smooth criminal. Where did she get that thing and run anyway. I don't know. Is it over that body? Are we dead? I don't even know if she got that lung puncture. Oh, she got it. Good job, Gretchen. What are you doing? I'm excited. I'm so excited. I'm just excited. Come on. Come on. Okay, before we do this, before we do this, this is a really big moment. I think we should talk about our biggest fears, okay? Mine is a tie between public speaking and change. What's yours? Um, let me see. Dying in jail. My dad's in jail. No, your dad's in prison. Oh, I think I hear somebody fight. Don't, don't let her go about it. Shhh, she's slippery. They're coming for us, aren't they? 100%. Come on, let's hide behind the painting. Okay, we've So, been chatting, and we feel like you should get less of a cut than both of us because, you know, one of you really contributed to the trip.
- 03:21
Rhonda Marie Elliman ?
I've hacked every security system we've encountered.
- 03:23
Yeah, and you've also had weird energy. Everybody's been talking about it. Who's been talking? Everybody. Mamma Tara. We're just here to take time. Yes. I'm so sorry.
- 03:46
Museum Patron ?
I'm so sorry. I accidentally took this water bottle without paying for it. I feel like a thief.
- 03:50
Gretchen ?
Oh, are you kidding? Don't worry about that. Me and my friends Tara Alizé Monet and Rhonda Marie Elliman over there, we just saw the whole ass Rihanna time in.
- 03:59
What?
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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