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Unqualified Defence Secretary
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Gavin Williamson visits Major General Edwards shortly after taking charge of defence. Basic distinctions between the services leave him floundering, his pet spider gets a formal introduction, and even the correct salute requires a lesson. The general’s polite tour becomes an opportunity to expose just how little her new boss understands.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
So, where do you keep the boats?
There’s an air force as well?
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:07
Major General Edwards
Defence secretary?
- 00:09
Gavin Williamson
Where? Oh, right, that's me, isn't it? Sorry, new to the job.
- 00:13
Major General Edwards
Major General Edwards.
- 00:14
Gavin Williamson
Where? Oh, right, is that you? Sorry, I wasn't expecting a...
- 00:19
Major General Edwards
Yes.
- 00:20
Gavin Williamson
Yeah. Gavin Williamson. And this is the Army, then?
- 00:23
Major General Edwards
It is.
- 00:24
Gavin Williamson
Right. So, where do you keep the boats?
- 00:27
Major General Edwards
No, that's the Navy.
- 00:28
Gavin Williamson
It's the Navy. Right, yeah. Boats equals Navy. Sorry, I'm still slightly playing catch-up with the details. I wasn't really expecting to suddenly become Defence Secretary, you know. This time last week, I was in the Chief Whip's office, you know, with my pet spider.
- 00:42
Major General Edwards ?
Oh!
- 00:42
Gavin Williamson
Oh, sorry. Cronus, this is Major General Edwards. Major General Edwards, this is Cronus. Yeah, so, last week, I was just weird spider guy, and now I'm in charge of the full might of Her Majesty's Armed Forces. It's insane, eh?
- 00:56
Major General Edwards
Utterly.
- 00:57
Gavin Williamson
Anyway, the upshot is, I've suddenly had to swat up on the Army and Navy.
- 01:00
Major General Edwards
And Air Force.
- 01:01
Gavin Williamson
There's an Air Force as well. Right, OK, well, I'm learning already. Eddie, I'll have the hang of this in no time. Right, should I go and address the troops?
- 01:07
Major General Edwards
If you'd like. I'm sure they'll be delighted to hear from a man of such uncommon experience. They're this way.
- 01:12
Gavin Williamson
Right, you are.
- 01:13
Major General Edwards
That's a Cub Scout salute.
- 01:15
Gavin Williamson
Right, what is the proper salute?
- 01:16
Major General Edwards
It's Army, Navy, Air Force.
- 01:19
Gavin Williamson
Ah. Oh, so my next-door neighbour thinks I'm in the Air Force. Well, I'm glad I asked. I can't tell you how helpful this has been.
- 01:25
Major General Edwards
It's been my absolute pleasure. Now, are there any other questions?
- 01:29
Gavin Williamson
Yes, can Cronus be your new regimental mascot?
- 01:31
Major General Edwards
No.
- 01:31
Gavin Williamson
OK, can I have a gun?
- 01:33
Major General Edwards
No.
- 01:33
Gavin Williamson
Fair enough.
- 01:34
Major General Edwards
Right then, ready?
- 01:35
Gavin Williamson
Absolutely.
- 01:35
Major General Edwards
Don't worry. They may look like train killers.
- 01:38
Gavin Williamson
But...
- 01:39
Major General Edwards
There's no but.
- 01:40
Gavin Williamson
Oh, right. Well, here we go.
- 01:43
Major General Edwards
Oh, and there's a medal to give out this morning, so make your way to the front and ask to see private parts.
- 01:48
Gavin Williamson
I want to see private parts. Right. Got it.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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