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Angela Merkel Meets Emmanuel Macron
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Before a summit at a stately conference venue, Merkel’s assistant Birgit applies her make-up and warns her not to fall for Emmanuel Macron, whom she swears she has not been counting the days to see. In the meeting Macron flatters her while claiming London’s finance jobs for Paris and Britain’s tech jobs for France, and the smitten chancellor hands them over. Birgit drags her aside with invented emergencies and a pep talk about who holds the power, so Merkel returns demanding most of the jobs for Germany. Macron retreats with a wounded, wildly suggestive farewell that leaves her reeling.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Don’t be taken in by his saucy Gallic charm.
I know the difference between realpolitik and what a lady leader thinks about in the bath.
Your intellect is matched only by your sensuality.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Dominic Brigstocke
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Samantha Spiro created Birgit, Angela Merkel’s devoted assistant, in Tracey Ullman’s Show and reprised the part in Tracey Breaks the News. This sketch aired in the second episode of the first series on BBC One on 3 November 2017.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:03
Birgit
I'm using bookshelf beige on your cheeks, my chancellorette. It goes with your eyes.
- 00:09
Angela Merkel
Remind me again who this meeting is with today. I quite forgot.
- 00:14
Birgit ?
Hold the other one. It's got Alpine bells on.
- 00:16
Angela Merkel
All right, I know it was Emmanuel Macron, but it is not as if I have been counting the days in my noten.
- 00:23
Birgit
I know what you're like when you're around him. Don't be taken in by his saucy Gallic charm.
- 00:27
Angela Merkel
Oh, Birgit, I know the difference between real politic and what a lady leader thinks about in the bath. Don't worry, I will be 200% professional.
- 00:41
Angela Merkel ?
Emmanuel.
- 00:42
Emmanuel Macron
Angela, may I?
- 00:44
Angela Merkel ?
Please.
- 00:49
Emmanuel Macron
Are you wearing bookshelf beige?
- 00:51
Angela Merkel
Oh, you noticed. Now, on the agenda, we must talk about the Brexit fallout.
- 00:59
Emmanuel Macron
Let's start with finance. We want London city jobs to move to Paris.
- 01:04
Angela Merkel ?
Ah, Paris. Oh, then you should have them, naturally.
- 01:15
Emmanuel Macron
Moving on to the British tech sector.
- 01:18
Angela Merkel
We want those jobs in Germany.
- 01:20
Emmanuel Macron
Naturally, but if someone were to say that France could have those tech jobs, then that person would be the most generous, as well as the most attractive leader the world has known.
- 01:35
Angela Merkel
You know what? I think that is good, yeah. Yeah, that fans should have the tech, the flourishing tech.
- 01:44
Birgit
My chance, Lorette. I need you for a moment.
- 01:47
Angela Merkel
I'm busy.
- 01:50
Birgit
There's a sudden crisis in the breadwurst industry.
- 01:53
Angela Merkel ?
What?
- 01:54
Birgit
There's a problem with track three on the new Kraftwerk album.
- 01:58
Angela Merkel ?
Oh.
- 02:00
Birgit
Your lipstick is smudged. How could you let that happen?
- 02:07
Angela Merkel
There is no smudge.
- 02:09
Birgit
But you're letting Malcolm run in the circles around you.
- 02:12
Angela Merkel
No, I'm just throwing him some trinkets and then I will start the demands. Hard demands.
- 02:17
Birgit
You are the sex bomb, not him. You have the power.
- 02:22
Angela Merkel
You're right. What was I thinking? You must think me a fool. I'm not taken in by your manly wailing. We want 70% of the bank jobs and we want 80% of the tech jobs.
- 02:38
Emmanuel Macron
So, it's to be like this.
- 02:40
Angela Merkel ?
Yes.
- 02:41
Emmanuel Macron
I thought we had something special. Men. How could I think that I could best you? Your intellect is matched only by your sensuality. I will reflect on how foolish I have been to underestimate such an exceptional woman as I walk the grounds of this conference center alone tonight, night, naked from the waist up, oiled, beads of perspiration dripping from every part of my torso. Okay, we are done, back to Paris.
- 03:21
Angela Merkel ?
Oh, César.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Tracey Breaks the News.
