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Pizza Boy
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
In the low-budget mock adult film Pizza Boy, a customer named Lickety Splits is lounging in a misty gym locker room in her underwear when a delivery man in a red cap and candy-striped shirt arrives with the large pie she ordered. Their banter runs through every pizza double entendre about sausage and missing breadsticks, and she finally unbuttons his jeans only to find nothing there. Rather than go further, Pizza Boy explains that there are other ways to show someone you love them and performs a sappy ballad about beach walks, heart-shaped balloons, restaurant dates and love notes, dancing against animated hearts and doodles while she poses nearby. Back in the locker room, he turns to the camera with a final tip for young men pressured by their girlfriends: swat the wandering hand away and refuse.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
You know, after I work out, I get really hungry for some sausage... pizza.
Well, listen to this song I just farted out.
Next time she goes for a touch downstairs, slap her hand and say, uh-uh, no touch. I ain't no ho-ho.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
The ballad from this segment was released as "Pizza Boy" (featuring David Cross) on Tim and Eric's 2008 album Awesome Record, Great Songs! Later in the same episode, a Cinco banking kiosk mails a Pizza Boy VHS tape to Eric's wife.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:13
Pizza Boy
Pizza! Pizza pizza pie did anybody order a pizza pie?
- 00:20
Lickety Splits
Oh, that's me. I ordered a large pie
- 00:21
Pizza Boy
Wow Looks like you had a nice workout.
- 00:26
Lickety Splits
You know after I work out. I get really hungry for some sausage Pizza
- 00:31
oh Yeah
- 00:34
Lickety Splits
Hey, but what about the breadsticks I ordered
- 00:38
Pizza Boy
oh, I'm sorry. We're all out of breadsticks well
- 00:42
Lickety Splits
Well, guess I'll have to snack on this.
- 00:46
Oh, yeah. This is going to be really good.
- 00:52
Lickety Splits ?
What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do with this thing?
- 00:54
Pizza Boy
Hey, there are other ways besides intercourse with a man's penis and a woman's vagina to show you love someone.
- 01:01
Lickety Splits ?
But I don't understand.
- 01:02
Pizza Boy
Well, listen to this song I just farted out. I think you'll like it.
- 01:06
Lickety Splits ?
Maybe.
- 01:08
Pizza Boy
There are so many ways a man can show you, Like a walk on a beach or a heart shaped balloon he can take you to a restaurant or send you a note That says I love you Is you, with little hearts for rose, you can read it when you're alone.
- 01:46
Pizza Boy
Hey, is your girlfriend trying to pressure you to take it to the next level? Well, here's a hint. Next time she goes for a touch downstairs, slap her hand and say, uh-uh, no touch. I ain't no ho-ho. See you later.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!.
