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Country Doctor
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
With Frank gravely ill upstairs, Martha and Frank Jr. try to hurry a visiting doctor to his bedside. The doctor keeps finding distractions, from his muddy boots and a tempting apple pie to an impromptu guitar lesson. Meanwhile, Martha fights off a hooded Death with a broom. When the doctor finally examines Frank, his reassuring diagnosis sends the family celebrating while he settles in for another meal.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 5
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
No, it's the smell of my daddy dying.
Death be not proud!
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Frank ?
Oh Lord, where's the doctor?
- 00:04
Martha
He said he'd get here as soon as all creatures green and small was over Well, you better stay put Frank.
- 00:10
Frank
I can't stay in bed Martha. I gotta get home plant the sheep We don't get ourselves a good crop of wool this year. We're gonna lose the farm
- 00:20
Martha
Don't worry Frank jr. Will plant the sheep
- 00:22
Frank
Frank jr. He's just a little girl.
- 00:26
Martha
I Know but it's about time. She became a man you just stay in rest
- 00:31
Frank ?
no you stay
- 00:32
Frank Jr.
doctors coming mom the doctor's coming
- 00:35
Martha
frank you stay here i'll be back with the doctor
- 00:38
Frank Jr.
the doctor's coming up the way ma he's coming oh he stopped he's just looking down he's just staring at a pretty rock ma oh he picked it up and he threw it he hit a crow with the rock ma the doctor hit a crow with the rock and he's coming again ma he's coming again, Ma. I couldn't see him. He's almost here, Ma. Doctor's almost here. Hi, Doctor.
- 00:59
Doctor
Hey, Frank Jr. Miss McKay.
- 01:02
Martha
Hi, Doctor. Excuse me, Jr. Come right on in, Doctor.
- 01:04
Doctor
Why, sure. Well.
- 01:06
Martha
Come right in. Frank's in the bedroom.
- 01:07
Doctor
I'd better wipe the mud off of my boots first.
- 01:09
Martha
No, that's all right.
- 01:10
Doctor
Oh, no, no, no, no. See, it's such a lovely day. I've heard I come by the river route, and you know what a mess of rain we've been having lately, and so, needless to say, my boots have gathered more than their fair share of mud.
- 01:20
Martha
Please don't bother.
- 01:21
Doctor
No, it's no bother. I don't want to get mud all over your lovely kitchen floor, Ms. McKay.
- 01:26
Martha
We're going to clean the floor later.
- 01:27
Doctor
I wouldn't hear of it. I would not hear of it.
- 01:30
Martha
Just take the damn things off, then. I'm sorry, doctor. It's just that Frank is awfully sick.
- 01:37
Doctor
No, no, no, Mrs. McKay. You're right. You're right. I'll just take them off. Well, let's just get down here and, uh... What do you know? Got a little knot in my laces.
- 01:50
Martha
Never mind, doctor. Never mind. Get the floor dirty. I love dirty floors. Please, just come on in.
- 01:56
Doctor
Well, if you really don't mind... Well, is that pie I smell?
- 02:05
Frank Jr.
No, it's the smell of my daddy dying.
- 02:08
Doctor
No, I'm pretty sure that's the smell of your ma's apple pie.
- 02:13
Martha
Oh, I did bake an apple pie for the Sunday meal, Doctor.
- 02:16
Doctor
Well, you sure do make the finest pie in the county, no doubt in that.
- 02:20
Martha
Would you like a piece, Doctor?
- 02:23
Doctor
Well, I'd be a fool to turn down a slice of your pie, Mrs. McKay.
- 02:26
Martha
Well, a quick little piece, then.
- 02:28
Doctor ?
Okay. Hey, Frank Jr.
- 02:32
Frank Jr.
Hey, Doctor.
- 02:33
Doctor
How's school been treating you?
- 02:34
Frank Jr.
Good, good. You know, school.
- 02:36
Doctor
Yeah, so what do you want to be when you grow up?
- 02:38
Frank Jr.
Oh, maybe a doctor like you or a corpse. I mean, a farmer like my daddy.
- 02:44
Doctor
You know, boy, your pa's a fine man.
- 02:49
Martha
Here's your pie, Doctor.
- 02:51
Doctor
Well, that's lovely looking pie, Mrs. McKay. Mm-mm.
- 02:55
Martha ?
Would you like seconds, Dr. M?
- 04:04
Doctor
Well, I'd love another slice of pie.
- 04:07
Martha ?
Force of habit. Well, get him another slice, Junior. I better check on Frank, Doctor. He's doing mighty poorly.
- 04:13
Doctor
Whatever. It's easy, Frank, Junior. You know, at one point I wanted to be a country western singer and not the doctor that I eventually become.
- 04:41
Frank Jr.
Really?
- 04:42
Doctor
Oh, yeah. You're cheating, Hart.
- 04:46
Martha
Doctor! Doctor! You better check on Frank. Death is banging on his door.
- 04:50
Doctor
Now, Mrs. McKay, I really think I ought to be doing the doctoring around here, don't you?
- 04:55
Martha ?
Yeah.
- 04:57
Doctor
Now, once you learn a bar chord, the whole musical world is your oyster.
- 05:01
Frank Jr. ?
Your cheating heart.
- 05:21
Doctor
Thanks for the coffee, boy. Well, let's have a look at this here dying man of yours, Mrs. McKay. Hey, Frank.
- 05:29
Frank
Hi there, Dr. Amity.
- 05:30
Doctor
ready? Let's have a look at you, boy. Well, I can't see anything wrong with this man. No reason why he shouldn't be out planting the sheep as we speak. Well, I guess I better be getting over to the Parker place, you know, Mrs. Parker's expecting.
- 05:46
One of mine.
- 05:49
Doctor
Why, is that chicken I smell?
- 05:53
Martha
Well, there's one in the coop. I guess I could kill it and cook it for you.
- 05:58
Doctor
Well, if it ain't too much trouble.
- 05:59
Martha
There ain't no trouble at all.
- 06:08
Doctor ?
Pies for dessert.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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