Nan: Dead Mouse

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:06
   

   Joanie Taylor

   Is that you, darling?

2. 00:07
   

   Jamie

   Right, Nan.

3. 00:08
   

   Joanie Taylor

   Oh, thank God you're here. I'm frightened out of my life.

4. 00:11
   

   Jamie

   Well, it's only a mouse, Nan.

5. 00:13
   

   Joanie Taylor

   Little bastard's been getting me out of here.

6. 00:16
   

   Jamie

   Come on, Nan, get down.

7. 00:17
   

   Joanie Taylor

   I've been stood up here since seven o'clock this morning.

8. 00:22
   

   Jamie

   Are you sure you've seen a mouse, Nan?

9. 00:25
   

   Joanie Taylor

   Course I'm sure. It's been up my leg twice. He's torn me tights to pieces.

10. 00:31
    

    Jamie

    Well, look, it's all right now, I'm here.

11. 00:32
    

    Joanie Taylor

    And the attitude of him. Oh, it's unbelievable. Unbelievable. As soon as I get into bed at night, he stands outside my door and laughs at me.

12. 00:42
    

    Jamie

    No, he's not laughing at you.

13. 00:44
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Not much, he ain't. He gets all his little mousy mates round and they come up here and they slide about on my lino till morning. They think it's a fucking country club.

14. 01:01
    

    Joanie Taylor ?

    Elliot!

15. 01:02
    

    Jamie ?

    Where?

16. 01:02
    

    Joanie Taylor ?

    In Here it is!

17. 01:07
    

    Jamie ?

    I can't see it.

18. 01:09
    

    Joanie Taylor ?

    Here it is!

19. 01:10
    

    Jamie ?

    Oh, man.

20. 01:12
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Oh, I bet it's gone in me kitchen, you greedy little git. He's already gnawed through a box of Ritz. Now, don't get me wrong, they are very moorish, but you ain't got to eat them up.

21. 01:24
    

    Jamie

    Have you put anything down for it?

22. 01:26
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Yeah, I put a little mattress down by the sky. What's the matter with ya? I mean poison. There's a bucketload of it in there, but he churns his nose up at it. He ain't got any room, see, cos he's stuffed his mouthy guts full of crackers.

23. 01:46
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Oh, there he is!

24. 01:49
    

    Jamie

    No, it's all right, Nan, it's just a post.

25. 01:51
    

    Joanie Taylor

    What, he's using my address now? Getting You'll be getting me to go and cash his mousy gyno next? What a fucking wimp! Fucking

26. 02:12
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Look there Look, there he is.

27. 02:15
    

    Jamie

    Oh, where?

28. 02:16
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Next to the microwave. He's eyeing up me mimp Viscounts the bastard. Now, get in there, son, and sort him out.

29. 02:24
    

    Jamie ?

    I can't use this.

30. 02:26
    

    Joanie Taylor

    He's been terrorising me for a fortnight. Now, you get in there quick enough if Stephen Gately asked ya. Go on, son, get in there before he tears the place apart.

31. 02:38
    

    Jamie

    No, Nan.

32. 02:39
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Now, he's making my nerves bad. it!

33. 02:56
    

    Jamie

    I've done it, Nan.

34. 02:57
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Did you do it?

35. 02:58
    

    Jamie

    Yeah.

36. 02:59
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Finished?

37. 02:59
    

    Jamie

    All done.

38. 03:00
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Is it gone?

39. 03:01
    

    Jamie

    Yeah, I killed it.

40. 03:02
    

    Joanie Taylor ?

    You

41. 03:05
    

    Jamie

    I killed it.

42. 03:06
    

    Joanie Taylor

    You did what?

43. 03:07
    

    Jamie

    I

44. 03:08
    

    Joanie Taylor

    killed killed the mouse? You fucking murdering bastard!

45. 03:15
    

    Jamie

    But you asked me to.

46. 03:17
    

    Joanie Taylor

    I only wanted you to shoo it gently on its way. Not pulverise its little mousy brains out.

47. 03:25
    

    Jamie

    I thought that's what you wanted.

48. 03:27
    

    Joanie Taylor

    What, to kill me, lovely little Mickey? He was the only bit of company I had. About this time, we'd be settling in to watch Countdown. I'd throw him a lump of cheese, you wouldn't hear a peep out of him, tell him a day, oh, I will miss him.

49. 03:50
    

    Jamie

    I don't know what to say.

50. 03:52
    

    Joanie Taylor

    I used to put Radio 2 on in the afternoon and he'd run up and down them curtains. He was a born entertainer.

51. 04:01
    

    Jamie

    I'm sorry nan

52. 04:03
    

    Joanie Taylor ?

    I'll never be able to look or it's a cracker in her face again

53. 04:07
    

    Jamie

    I said I'm sorry

54. 04:09
    

    Joanie Taylor

    no it's alright son you weren't to know

55. 04:16
    

    Joanie Taylor

    Look, there's a rat!

56. 04:28
    

    Joanie Taylor ?

    Use fucking old Mary Hay!