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Nan: Funeral
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Jamie (Mathew Horne) waits in his grandmother's flat for Nan (Catherine Tate) to come home from the funeral of Lena, the neighbour from along the landing. Still in black, Nan is full of tearful praise for the packed church, the line of cars and the spread at the wake, and mourns how lonely Lena's last years were. Then she recalls lending Lena fifteen pounds the week before, and grief turns to fury: she decides the death was a ploy to dodge the debt and complains about the cost of the wreath she sent. When Jamie offers to repay her, she boasts of her savings and threatens to leave everything to the cats' home, then rants about what cats could possibly do with an inheritance. Calm again, she sends Jamie to make tea and produces the cakes she smuggled home from the wake.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
I didn't think she knew that many people.
Any more talk like that and I shall leave it all to the cats' home.
What do they care? They're fucking cats.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Gordon Anderson
Director
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Series 2 episode listings call this installment "Old Woman - Funeral"; the Nan sketches were listed under Old Woman in series 2 and 3, though she is Joanie "Nan" Taylor throughout.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:03
Jamie
All right, Nan.
- 00:05
Joanie Taylor
Oh, hello, darling. It's a nice surprise to find you here.
- 00:09
Jamie
I didn't want you coming home to an empty flat. How are you?
- 00:11
Joanie Taylor
Not bad, thank you, darling. It was very emotional, but, yeah, I'm all right.
- 00:16
Jamie
Was it a big funeral?
- 00:17
Joanie Taylor
Oh, it was beautiful. Church was packed. She had seven cars follow her. Seven! I didn't think she knew that many people. And you want to see the food they laid on. Oh, it was out of this world.
- 00:30
Jamie
Here, sit down. I'll make you a cup of tea.
- 00:32
Joanie Taylor
Yeah, I'm all right for the minute, thanks, lad. I had a couple of Guinness when we came back from the ground. I didn't want them, really, but young Charlie Fould got them for me and I didn't want to be rude.
- 00:44
Jamie
No, of course not.
- 00:46
Joanie Taylor
Oh, it don't seem real, does it? I only see her last week. She was out there mopping that landing. Poor old Lena. Still, it's happy release for her, though, I suppose.
- 00:57
Jamie
Yeah.
- 00:58
Joanie Taylor
She weren't never the same after her Jackie died. She only went out once a week, got her pension, knocked it out on Baby Sham, came back... ..came back, sang the top of her voice till 3 o'clock in the morning, oh, I will miss her!
- 01:12
Jamie
Did you manage to eat anything, or shall I make you something now?
- 01:15
Joanie Taylor
No, I had a little summit while I was there, love, and a plate of bob, bacon and potato salad, bowl of jelly deals, nice bit of crusty bed, couple of sausage rolls. You don't like to be rude. I can't believe she's gone.
- 01:30
Jamie
Come on, then, it'll be all right.
- 01:31
Joanie Taylor
suppose it'll be me next
- 01:33
Jamie
now don't talk like that
- 01:35
Joanie Taylor
she didn't have anyone did she poor old Lena she went from week to week without a living soul come up and see her god help us that ain't no way to go is it oh well rest in peace Lena love she owed me money the woman
- 02:07
Jamie ?
what are you talking about
- 02:08
Joanie Taylor
I gave her 15 quid beginning last week she never give it back
- 02:12
Jamie
No, it hardly matters now.
- 02:13
Joanie Taylor
What a fucking libertine. That's typical of her, that is.
- 02:21
Jamie
She hardly knew she was going to have a heart attack and die before she could pay you back.
- 02:24
Joanie Taylor
Not fucking much. I bet she felt the first twinge go down her arm and thought, that's it, I'll go and tap her to cross the road. She was heart full cow. 15 quid. I sent a wreath worth £25 and now it gets worse.
- 02:42
Jamie
Dad, just leave it. I'll give you the money.
- 02:45
Joanie Taylor
I don't want your money. Don't you dare, don't you dare. I've got more money than the lot of you put together.
- 02:52
Jamie
Right, well, you won't miss that 15 quid, then?
- 02:55
Joanie Taylor
Here, any more talk like that and I shall leave it all to the cats' home. Old girls who leave all their money to the cats' home. Oh, that do make me laugh. What do the cats want with it? What do they care? They're fucking cats. What are they going to do? Go on a cruise? Sipping champagne? Getting all dressed up to have dinner with a captain? They're fucking cats!
- 03:38
Jamie
Great, well, that's all sorted then. Would you like a cup of tea now?
- 03:40
Joanie Taylor ?
Yeah, lovely. Oh, there's a good boy. Go and put the kettle on, that's it. Here. We can have a couple of these with it and all.
- 03:48
Jamie
You brought those back from the wake
- 03:50
Joanie Taylor
course I did didn't fancy him while I was there But I knew I'd want some later always the same whenever I was ring always fancy nice bit of cake couple of hours after
- 04:01
Jamie
That's beautiful God I hope no one saw you.
- 04:04
Jamie ?
I'll get in there and put the kettle on you
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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