You're tuned to the good stuff
Faking Diana's Death
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
Somewhere in Whitehall in 1997, three intelligence agents gather around a glowing table to approve their plan for killing Princess Diana: get her chauffeur slightly drunk, pay motorcycling photographers to chase the car and trust that she will not wear a seatbelt. Their only worry is that the scheme looks so much like murder that everyone will suspect it, but the Duke of Edinburgh has ordered it and the security services still answer to the royals. When the team's troubleshooter asks why Prince Philip wants this, the others explain that Diana is too popular: left alive, she would only grow more beloved while the rest of the family looked worse, whereas dead she would be forgotten within a week. Then a phone call brings news that makes the whole operation unnecessary, and the agents stand down, agreeing not to tell Prince Philip so they can still collect their fee.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
No messing around with poison-tipped umbrellas or snipers.
Whereas, if she's dead, she'll be forgotten in a week.
Well, you can stand down, everyone. That all just happened by accident.
Behind the scenes
The people who made it.
Ben Gosling Fuller
Director
Gareth Edwards
Producer
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Bespectacled Agent ?
So we're all agreed that that's the best way to do it. Absolutely. It's so simple No messing around with poison-tipped umbrellas or snipers. We just get a chauffeur drunk slightly drunk and uh, And assume that he'll crash the car
- 00:17
Agent ?
As long as we pay for a bunch of motorcycling photographers to harass him I'm sure that'll happen
- 00:22
Bespectacled Agent ?
and the good news is that that only involves swearing another 15 or so people to perpetual silence. Yes Yes. Plus, people always die in car crashes, don't they? Yes, always. And people who drive over the limit always crash. What we're organising here, my friends, is a watertight hit. My only worry is that it'll look so much like a murder that people will suspect.
- 00:44
Agent
Well, that is the risk we run by doing it this way. It will be totally obvious that it's an assassination, but remember what the Duke of Edinburgh said when he came in here to MI6 to give us our orders. I don't mind carrying the lifelong suspicion of murder on my shoulders as long as you kill her in such a way that absolutely nothing can go wrong.
- 01:04
Bespectacled Agent ?
Induced tipsy car crash it'll have to be, then. It simply can't fail. Unless she wears a seatbelt.
- 01:10
Agent ?
She won't. She's unprovably pregnant, remember? Women recently impregnated by the only man they've ever loved are notoriously slapdash about their personal safety.
- 01:21
Bespectacled Agent ?
So, Dart, you're our best troubleshooter. Is there anything that we've missed?
- 01:25
Troubleshooter
I've just got one little niggle. Why are we doing this?
- 01:30
Agent
Well, because Prince Philip told us to. It's well known that the nation's security services are still pretty much at the beck and call of the royal family. This is top priority. The IRA can do whatever they like this weekend, let me tell you.
- 01:44
Troubleshooter ?
And why is he doing it?
- 01:46
Bespectacled Agent
Well, because she's so popular. She's beautiful and everyone loves her. We need to kill her now so that people will go off her.
- 01:52
Troubleshooter ?
Of course.
- 01:54
Agent
I mean, just think about it. If she's left alive to age as gracefully as one can while bringing up the bastard grandchild of a delusional Egyptian businessman, then the public's just going to love her more and more.
- 02:08
Troubleshooter ?
You're quite right. As her appearance wrinkles and sags and she occasionally makes a vacuous remark about something complicated, people's hatred for the rest of the royal family will only intensify.
- 02:19
Bespectacled Agent
Whereas, if she's dead, she'll be forgotten in a week.
- 02:24
Troubleshooter
Yes, of course, you've made me feel very naive.
- 02:29
Agent
Hello? Oh. Life imitating art, I suppose. Right. Well, thank you. Well, you can stand down, everyone. That all just happened by accident.
- 02:43
Agent ?
Well, don't tell Prince Philip. We'll still get our fee.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from That Mitchell and Webb Look.
