You're tuned to the good stuff
The War on Bill Oddie
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A television bulletin reports an unexpected change in international security policy: the United Nations is concentrating its forces on Bill Oddie. Secretary-general Emmanuel Akinkube announces the new campaign, while Foreign Secretary Nicholas Blakeforth supplies increasingly improbable reasons to regard the television naturalist as a dangerous adversary. Blakeforth promises an overwhelming manhunt and even offers his target a sporting advantage. His confidence falters when the interviewer suggests a complication that would return the campaign to the problem it was meant to avoid.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 3
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
It was only a matter of years before he developed a nuclear capacity, probably.
Oh God, he won't do that, will he?
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Newsreader
three life sentences. A spokesman said, you think you know a guy, and then he goes and does something like that.
- 00:08
Newsreader
foreign
- 00:10
Newsreader
Foreign news now, and at a special session of the United Nations it was agreed that the war on terror is, in the words of a new resolution, just too difficult.
- 00:20
Newsreader
Instead the Security Council has agreed to launch a war on the comedian and ornithologist Bill Oddie, as a way of bringing the nations of the world together in a more achievable common cause Matt Long has this
- 00:34
it took them a little over six hours but finally they came up with a name that suited all parties
- 00:39
Emmanuel Akinkube
we must join together in the face of this new menace there can be no peace in the world until Bill Oddie is hunted down and completely destroyed
- 00:52
Nicholas Blakeforth
well it's a challenging new world that we live in and in that world it'll become increasingly clear that but the need to confront Bill Oddie had been growing. It was only a matter of years before he developed a nuclear capacity, probably. For all we know, he already had a dirty bomb, and he meant to use it on the tube tomorrow, for all we know.
- 01:16
Nicholas Blakeforth
So that's why every army and intelligence agency is going to be out looking for him.
- 01:21
Has he been notified?
- 01:22
Nicholas Blakeforth
He has been notified.
- 01:23
And how did he react?
- 01:24
Nicholas Blakeforth
Well, how do you think? I'd say he's pretty much crapped himself. But you know, we're going to be giving him 48 hours head start to make it interesting and be in no doubt, we are going to take him down. We're going to take him down hard and he needn't think he's going to get away with it this time.
- 01:43
What if he seeks refuge with jihadi terrorists in Iraq or Pakistan?
- 01:48
Nicholas Blakeforth
Oh God, he won't do that, will he?
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from across the archive.
