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New Health Tracker
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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Watch onYouTube
The funny people
Meet the cast. 1
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Just raw, sometimes offensive, data.
No apps, no screens, just a dude with a nasty mouth and a whole lot of free time.
My Corner Guy is brash, but totally harmless.
The premise
Here’s the bit.
A cheerful spokesman pitches My Corner Guy, a health-tracking service with no hacking risk because it is just a man on your street corner commenting, crudely and without being asked, on your weight, shape and habits. Satisfied customers describe how his insults pushed them into the gym, Pilates and even a period-tracking warning, while the ad admits nobody knows whether he is homeless and warns buyers never to give him their phone number.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Speaker 1
i care about my fitness and i want to keep track of my progress but call me old-fashioned i just don't want to risk handing over my data to big tech well now you don't have to introducing my corner guy my corner guy is a fitness tracking service that provides real-time personalized health insights using the observational power of a guy who hangs out on your street corner and makes unsolicited comments about your body.
- 00:27
My Corner Guy
God damn, Ms. Booty! That thing getting juicy, girl!
- 00:32
Speaker 2
Awesome.
- 00:32
Speaker 1
My poor guy is trained to hang out near your house and assess your weight, shape, and overall appearance. And there's no risk of hacking or big tech oversight. Just raw, sometimes offensive, data.
- 00:44
My Corner Guy
You gotta do something about them legs, my boy. Thought you was my baby mama from the back.
- 00:48
Speaker 3
Fair enough. Time to lock in.
- 00:50
My Corner Guy
Harry Potter-looking ass .
- 00:53
Speaker 1
no apps no screens just a dude with a nasty mouth and a whole lot of free time
- 00:58
Speaker 4
i was a little skeptical at first but then my corner guy called me a big back biscuit head ass bitch in front of my wife and my kids i'm sure they cried but he was both specific and accurate and i've been in the gym consistently ever since
- 01:12
My Corner Guy
you're built like a cyber truck too
- 01:14
Speaker 5
i was on my way to an important meeting when my corner guy said
- 01:18
My Corner Guy
damn i knew you could bake bread in the oven but i didn't know you could bake bread in them jeans, too.
- 01:24
Speaker 5
I signed up for Pilates that afternoon.
- 01:26
Speaker 1
Now, you may be wondering, is my corner guy homeless? To be honest, we don't know. But his sneakers are clean and he owns a Beats pill that's always charged and fully functional. My corner guy can also keep track of your menstrual cycle somehow.
- 01:39
Speaker 6
I hadn't had my period for almost two months and was getting worried.
- 01:42
My Corner Guy
Where you going? Where you going?
- 01:43
Speaker 6
Then my corner guy told me to, quote, hit his line before Mama Flo came to town and ruined the party. My period came exactly two days later.
- 01:52
Speaker 1
My Corner Guy comes in a variety of options, uniquely tailored to your lifestyle and neighborhood.
- 01:58
My Corner Guy
Hey, I don't know what you're eating, but it's going through your ass. Make it easy on the cannoli, huh?
- 02:02
Speaker 1
And unlike those tech apps that tell you what you want to hear, My Corner Guy keeps it real. He even comments on things I can't change.
- 02:08
My Corner Guy
He cross-eyed too. He's gonna cross-eye!
- 02:12
Speaker 1
My Corner Guy is brash, but totally harmless. That being said, do not give him your phone number. He will call and text repeatedly during all hours of the night.
- 02:23
My Corner Guy
Looking tight as a mug, baby.
- 02:25
Speaker 7
Thanks, my corner guy.
- 02:26
Speaker 1
My corner guy. Keep track of that ass.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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