Gate Agents

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:03

   Traveler

   I I really hope we board soon. I need to be in warm weather like yesterday.

2. 00:08

   Traveler

   I have faith, hon. They can't delay us forever.

3. 00:12
   

   Parfait

   Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for bearing with us through this big old winter storm. We know how frustrating these delays have been. In the meantime and in between time, we have an update for you.

4. 00:23

   Traveler

   Ugh, finally. Thank God.

5. 00:24
   

   Lashley

   And it's off and a blow. We will be providing update the best way we know, through songs. Hit it, baby.

6. 00:32
   

   Parfait

   we know it's frustrating when you really want to fly

7. 00:36
   

   Lashley

   but too bad your plane is delayed and not arrived

8. 00:41
   

   Parfait

   if i were you right now i would start to pray

9. 00:46
   

   Lashley

   because it's looking like you won't be flying today

10. 00:51
    

    Parfait

    uh yeah we are super delayed more updates coming real soon

11. 00:55

    Traveler

    Did you check in on the plane today?

12. 00:59

    Traveler

    I do think they sang that, yes.

13. 01:03
    

    Parfait

    Oh, my goodness, thank you for your applause. Um, we are Shrimp and Grits, uh, bringing you smooth sounds from gate C32 in the Mel Gibson Regional Terminal.

14. 01:12
    

    Lashley

    And my name is Lashley, as in firstly and lashley.

15. 01:16
    

    Parfait

    And I am parfait, as in the parfait don't start till I walk in.

16. 01:21

    Traveler

    Okay, I'm sorry, these delays are not acceptable.

17. 01:24
    

    Lashley

    Okay, so accept these nuts.

18. 01:26

    Traveler

    all right are we gonna get a flight out of here today or not

19. 01:32
    

    Parfait

    that is correct

20. 01:35
    

    Lashley

    listen it is what it is y'all this is Trump's America mayor Pete Buddha Greg can now save you he cannot save you

21. 01:42

    Traveler

    did she say Pete booty Greg

22. 01:44
    

    Lashley

    listen we don't make the rules we just sing them to you

23. 01:48
    

    Parfait

    speaking of we do have an update on the status of your plane

24. 01:51

    Traveler

    oh thank god okay good

25. 01:53
    

    Parfait

    honey honey i could see this plane ain't looking right cause it's got no wings basically a bus

26. 02:06

    Traveler

    what What? What do you mean it has no wings

27. 02:15
    

    Lashley

    what do you not understand about this the plane ain't got no wings they need to put them up have you ever seen a the plane fly with no wings?

28. 02:25
    

    Parfait

    Yeah, it's not going to take long, all right? They just going to snap them in, click boom, we out.

29. 02:31

    Traveler

    OK, that does not seem right.

30. 02:33
    

    Lashley

    It is not right, because a normal plane looks like this. And y'all plane is looking like this.

31. 02:43

    Traveler

    OK, well, thank you for the visual aid.

32. 02:46
    

    Lashley

    OK, you have been a problem all day, OK? We are not checking bags, but we are checking attitudes.

33. 02:52
    

    Parfait

    Oh, look, y'all must have been praying because the pilot is here and he has an update for you.

34. 02:57

    Traveler

    Oh, thank God.

35. 02:59
    

    Pilot

    Hello, everyone. Thank you for your patience. Good news is we found the plane's wings. Bad news is I'm drunk. So I guess you can...

36. 03:11
    

    Pilot

    Blame it on the vodka, blame it on the Henny. Blame it on them five shots, got me feeling dizzy. I cannot fly-i-i-i-i-i this plane I cannot fly-i-i-i-i-i this plane Hey, she says she usually don't

37. 03:25
    

    Lashley

    All right, I'm just gonna, we can cut, we'll stop right there.

38. 03:27
    

    Parfait

    I, um, thought I ordered virgin margaritas, but them thangs came schlutty.

39. 03:34

    Traveler

    This is ridiculous. I'm calling my wife. Hey, Melissa, yeah, I don't think I'm gonna be home tonight.

40. 03:40

    Traveler

    Oh, honey, come back to bed.

41. 03:42

    Traveler

    Why would you do that?

42. 03:43

    Traveler

    Because I like mess.

43. 03:45

    Traveler

    Okay, this is ridiculous. Let's just go.

44. 03:47

    Traveler

    Yep, I'm right behind you, babe.

45. 03:50
    

    Parfait

    Oh, ladies and gentlemen, you're not going to believe this. The pilot has had some Pedialyte, and the ground crew snapped the wings on. So hurry up, y'all. Your plane leaves in five minutes.

46. 03:59
    

    Lashley

    And as always, we will be boarding military in Feynman first.

47. 04:05
    

    Parfait

    No hesitating.

48. 04:07
    

    Lashley

    We only got five minutes. to board this plane.