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Weekend Update: The Movie Guy on Scary Movies
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
With Halloween approaching, Colin Jost brings in the Movie Guy, Weekend Update's uniformed cinephile, to discuss scary movies. Asked about the season's new horror releases, he cheerfully admits he has not seen them, then explains that he loves the genre because the titles take their premises literally. Classic horror questions send him off on tangents about a famously menacing cartoon baby, a mix-up between Michael Myers and the actor who voiced Shrek, and a confused answer about a killer clown movie. Jost tries to wrap things up, but the Movie Guy insists on one last joke about a cursed-phone thriller before wishing everyone a happy Halloween.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 2
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Oh, I love scary movies, because in the title, they tell you what gonna happen.
And Saw. Everybody saw. Except me. I did not see Saw.
Movie Guy, I feel like I should have said this two minutes ago, but it's time to wrap it up.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
SNL Archives lists this as the Movie Guy's third Weekend Update appearance, after visits on March 1 and May 10, 2025.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Himself
Well Halloween is right around the corner, which means it's officially scary movie season here to comment is weekend updates residence cinephile the movie guy
- 00:18
The Movie Guy
And I'm here to talking about a scary movie
- 00:26
Himself
Alright scary movies well movie guy let's start with black phone 2 that just came out this weekend.
- 00:32
The Movie Guy
Oh, yeah black phone 2 Ooh! Ring, ring! Hello? Sorry, you have the wrong number, because I have not seen that one yet.
- 00:42
Himself
Oh. Okay, well, I guess it just came out. What about the biggest horror movie of the year, Weapons?
- 00:46
The Movie Guy
Oh, yeah, Weapons. That was a very big movie, Colin. Everybody saw Weapons, and I have to tell you, I was not one of those people.
- 00:57
Himself
Do you even like scary movies?
- 00:59
The Movie Guy
Oh, I love scary movies, because in the title, they tell you what gonna happen. Like, a cream. Everybody cream. Smile. Everybody smile. And saw. Everybody saw. Except me. I did not see saw.
- 01:19
Himself
Okay. All right. Well, what about, like, classic horror movies, like The Exorcist?
- 01:23
The Movie Guy
Oh. The Exorcist. That's about a scary child. But you know who is the scariest child? Tui.
- 01:36
Himself ?
Who?
- 01:37
The Movie Guy ?
Tui.
- 01:38
Himself ?
Tui?
- 01:38
The Movie Guy
Tui Griffiths, man. Come on. Come on. Yeah. His father is fat, his mother is skinny, and she always getting so mad at him. And I can see why. It's because his head look like a vagina destroyer.
- 01:56
Himself
What... what are you talking about?
- 01:59
The Movie Guy
I'm talking about scary movie, man. You know what movie is very scary the one with Michael Myers.
- 02:06
Himself
Oh, yes, of course classic Halloween Michael Myers
- 02:09
The Movie Guy
No, no, no, Michael Meyer Shrek my brother This movie is about every man's biggest fear You're going to sleep with a beautiful woman and then you wake it up and go how drunk was I last night? You know what I'm talking about You know what I'm talking about.
- 02:32
Leave me out of this, okay?
- 02:34
Himself
Can we focus on scary movies, okay? I know what you did last summer.
- 02:38
The Movie Guy
Okay, what did I do?
- 02:41
Himself
I don't know.
- 02:42
The Movie Guy
Okay, then why would you say something like that?
- 02:45
Himself
What about the movie It?
- 02:46
The Movie Guy
I did not see that.
- 02:52
That's alien?
- 02:53
The Movie Guy
No, Colin, I am an American citizen.
- 02:55
Himself
No, okay, movie guy. I feel like I should have said this two minutes ago, but it's time to wrap it up.
- 03:07
The Movie Guy
Okay. But before I go, can I do a joke?
- 03:12
Himself
Sure.
- 03:12
The Movie Guy ?
Sure. You can tell a joke. Okay, thank you. This is a joke about a scary movie from 2008, okay? The movie is One Missed Call. In this movie, the phone rings, and if you don't pick it up, you die. And I'm like, Like, is this movie about my mother? Am I right, guys?
- 03:36
Himself ?
-"Movie Guy," everyone.
- 03:37
The Movie Guy ?
Happy Halloween, everybody. Thank you.
- 03:40
What kind of movie is this?
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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