Psychic Talk Show

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00

   Speaker 1

   She's blunt, she's clairvoyant, and she's got a hard out at seven. She is Miss Likas, the Fast Psychic.

2. 00:09
   

   Miss Lycus

   Hey, welcome to the show. My name is Miss Likas. I'm a Fast Psychic, and as always, I have a hard out at seven. Joining me today is Tad Dowd, author of the book City of Ghosts. Thanks for being here, Tad.

3. 00:18
   

   Tadd Doud

   Hey, thanks for having me. I've never seen the program, but I'm really...

4. 00:22
   

   Miss Lycus

   Yeah, well, thanks for being here. Now, we've got a bunch of sad, desperate people in the audience who want answers from beyond the shadows, and I'm going to give them those answers. Okay, you in the tablecloth, go.

5. 00:31
   

   Angelina

   Uh, hi. Um, my name is Angelina.

6. 00:36
   

   Miss Lycus

   Angelina, what's your question? Go.

7. 00:37
   

   Angelina

   Um, okay, so, 15 years ago, my dad left our house to buy a pack of cigarettes, and I haven't seen him since, so...

8. 00:45
   

   Miss Lycus

   He's dead.

9. 00:48
   

   Angelina

   What?

10. 00:48
    

    Miss Lycus

    Honey, he died. He drowned. He drowned until he died. And now he's fish food. Does that make sense to you?

11. 00:55
    

    Angelina

    No, but thank you.

12. 00:59
    

    Miss Lycus

    Okay, next.

13. 01:00
    

    Tadd Doud

    Wow, okay, that was very fast.

14. 01:02
    

    Miss Lycus

    Okay, shut up. Next.

15. 01:04

    Audience Member

    Hi. So, I had a question about my grandpa.

16. 01:07
    

    Miss Lycus

    He's dead.

17. 01:08

    Audience Member

    Oh, I know, but, uh, is he here right now? Does he have a message for me?

18. 01:12
    

    Miss Lycus

    Uh, yeah. He says, hi from hell. Does that make sense to you?

19. 01:16

    Audience Member

    No, but thank you.

20. 01:18
    

    Miss Lycus

    Okay, next. Go, go, go, go.

21. 01:21
    

    Wife

    Hi. So, my husband...

22. 01:23
    

    Miss Lycus

    He's dead. He died. He drowned. Next.

23. 01:25
    

    Wife

    Oh, no, actually, he's right here.

24. 01:27
    

    Miss Lycus

    Oh, honey, I know. I know that. He drowned, but he's still alive. And what's dead is your marriage. I hate looking at you. You look like siblings. he's cheating on you with a woman as tall as he is. Does that make sense to you?

25. 01:37
    

    Wife

    Not at all.

26. 01:38
    

    Husband

    Yes, it does.

27. 01:40
    

    Wife

    But thank you.

28. 01:41
    

    Husband

    But thank you.

29. 01:43
    

    Tadd Doud

    Thank you for what? Why are you going so fast?

30. 01:46
    

    Miss Lycus

    Because I just took a colonoscopy drink, and it's running through me like a Japanese bullet train. Next, next, next.

31. 01:52

    Audience Member

    So, my father recently passed away?

32. 01:54
    

    Miss Lycus

    Honey, he's dead.

33. 01:56

    Audience Member

    Thank you.

34. 01:59
    

    Miss Lycus

    And now, as always, we need to issue some corrections for the predictions I gave last episode. Here we go. okay so those are that next

35. 02:11

    Audience Member

    hi so I've always wondered who my biological mother is

36. 02:15
    

    Miss Lycus

    well honey it ain't me the good news is it's Hilary Duff the bad news is it's not the one you're thinking of so sit your white ass down all right

37. 02:22

    Audience Member

    hi

38. 02:23
    

    Miss Lycus

    she's dead

39. 02:26

    Audience Member

    who is

40. 02:28
    

    Miss Lycus

    you are does that make sense to you

41. 02:29

    Audience Member

    yep thank you

42. 02:31
    

    Miss Lycus

    oh that sound means the bullet trains one station away so it's time for the speed round

43. 02:39
    

    Tadd Doud

    that wasn't the speed round

44. 02:41
    

    Miss Lycus

    okay going down the line dead dead alive drowned burnt drowned burnt drowned drowned drowned mary f kill undiagnosed diabetes and if i haven't gotten to you yet just know that the ghost of hulk Kogan says was

45. 02:58
    

    Tadd Doud

    I what are you talking about

46. 03:00
    

    Miss Lycus

    okay one more bring it home

47. 03:02

    Audience Member

    hi two years ago I was on the show and you told me my brother was drowned but alive and thriving in Florida

48. 03:10
    

    Miss Lycus

    yeah

49. 03:10

    Audience Member

    I just wanted to say thank you because thanks to you we found my brother

50. 03:14
    

    Brother

    and I'm actually a huge fan of Tad's and I had a question about his book

51. 03:21
    

    Tadd Doud

    um okay great finally

52. 03:23
    

    Brother

    so in your story about Lisa like

53. 03:26

    I was like, what are you...

54. 03:26
    

    Miss Lycus

    It's seven,

55. 03:27

    Speaker 1

    and this has been another episode of Miss Like Us, the Fast Cycle. Does that make sense?

56. 03:32

    No, but thank you.