Please Don't Destroy: Election Night

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors.

1. 00:02

   Maybe a sketch about the midterms. Hmm. Oh, what are the midterms? I don't know. I'm not sure at all

2. 00:09

   Hey guys, Molly. Hey, do you guys know anything about politics?

3. 00:14

   Uh, why?

4. 00:14

   You need help writing a sketch?

5. 00:16

   No, no, no, sir. Something something very bad has happened. What's going

6. 00:20

   Look!

7. 00:21

   In a shocking upset victory, your new Attorney General of Ohio is political newcomer, Molly

8. 00:28

   Molly Carney.

9. 00:29

   What the hell?

10. 00:31

    Molly Carney.

11. 00:33

    Oh, no!

12. 00:34

    Oh, my God.

13. 00:35

    I don't want to be eternal general.

14. 00:37

    did this happen for a look at how it all started we go to

15. 00:40

    our political correspondent steve kornacki steve kornacki

16. 00:44

    Thanks, Mike.

17. 00:45

    Well, from what we can tell, the campaign all began with a viral tweet.

18. 00:49

    Oh, my God.

19. 00:50

    Quote, I low-key feel like I'd make a good Ohio Attorney General.

20. 00:54

    L-M-A-O, hashtag inmyfeelings.

21. 00:58

    I gotta stop tweeting drunk!

22. 01:00

    This is just an unprecedented win

23. 01:02

    for the 30-year-old SNL background extra.

24. 01:05

    Come on, man, I'm on the cash.

25. 01:08

    Don't you have to be like a lawyer to do this?

26. 01:09

    Have you passed the bar?

27. 01:11

    Brother, I don't pass the bar, I only go in.

28. 01:14

    What? Was that a joke?

29. 01:16

    You know what? This is all gonna be okay.

30. 01:18

    We have some time to figure it out.

31. 01:20

    In just 20 minutes, we'll be hearing Carney's big speech.

32. 01:23

    A speech? Oh, no.

33. 01:25

    Okay, guys, I think I know what we gotta do.

34. 01:27

    The

35. 01:27

    election is a fraud! Don't believe fake news

36. 01:30

    media!

37. 01:30

    Oh, no, no, no, we can help you.

38. 01:32

    Really?

39. 01:33

    Yeah, we'll be your chiefs of staff.

40. 01:35

    Yeah.

41. 01:35

    All right, what do we got to do now?

42. 01:36

    First things first, you got to get a new look.

43. 01:38

    What? I like my look.

44. 01:39

    Get real, you look like a Little League umpire.

45. 01:40

    You're right.

46. 01:41

    We got to give you the full C-span now.

47. 01:44

    Are people going to like this?

48. 01:47

    I look like a Lego guy.

49. 01:48

    Exactly.

50. 01:49

    And we got you a new camera ready, Christian family.

51. 01:52

    Oh, I don't need it.

52. 01:53

    We're so proud of you, honey.

53. 01:55

    Well, hello, Mrs. Carney.

54. 01:58

    Looking good, you guys.

55. 02:00

    Don't you this up for me.

56. 02:01

    Molly, you're going to want to see this.

57. 02:03

    is this really who ohio deserves brother i don't pass the bar i only go in

58. 02:08

    Molly Carney is a delusional alcoholic

59. 02:11

    and a nearly 40-year-old SNL stagehand.

60. 02:15

    on the cast we're just five minutes

61. 02:17

    away now from the big speech and according to ohio law if that speech is bad molly will be sent

62. 02:23

    straight to jail jail i'm gonna throw up but we need a platform with something you believe

63. 02:30

    I believe in the good life!

64. 02:31

    No, like, what do you think of the death penalty?

65. 02:34

    It's a good title for a movie!

66. 02:35

    We just need one real policy!

67. 02:37

    Every day's Christmas!

68. 02:38

    That would never work, you dumb son of a bitch!

69. 02:40

    Shh!

70. 02:40

    Because Christmas wouldn't be as special that way.

71. 02:42

    Oh, pink!

72. 02:44

    Are AGs even involved in policy making?

73. 02:47

    Lucas, out!

74. 02:48

    now!

75. 02:49

    Security!

76. 02:51

    You're in for trouble.

77. 02:52

    Look at that, it's time for Molly's speech.

78. 02:56

    Uh, I'm here.

79. 02:57

    Oh my God!

80. 02:58

    Time's up, Molly.

81. 02:59

    America's watching.

82. 03:00

    You got this, come on.

83. 03:01

    You got it.

84. 03:02

    Whoo!

85. 03:04

    Well, I just want to say that I may not have a law degree,

86. 03:08

    but what I do have is a real big heart.

87. 03:12

    Ohio, let's do this thing!

88. 03:14

    Molly went on to be the worst attorney general Ohio ever saw.

89. 03:18

    They were immediately forced to resign and return to their old job,

90. 03:21

    being a cast member on Saturday Night Live.