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Eyes
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
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The premise
Here’s the bit.
A marketing team is brainstorming new slogans for Denver when Janine finally admits why she has been in a mood all morning: nobody has said a word about her replacement eyes, a pair of giant cartoon googly eyes. Her coworkers confess they held an emergency meeting and decided the legally safest course was to pretend not to notice. Janine insists the procedure can be undone as long as her original eyeballs stayed refrigerated, then panics on realizing they have been rattling around in her pockets for days and asks the team to sniff them. She admits the new eyes actually see worse, pitches slogans that belong to other cities, and storms out in a huff of wounded dignity, grabbing a slice of coffee cake as her portfolio and complimenting the water cooler on her way. Her parting Ferris Bueller-style farewell hands the team the Denver slogan they had been looking for.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 6
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
Nobody noticed I got my eyes replaced!
I can't cry because the tears go back inside my head, and my brain will drown.
Life comes at you pretty fast, and if you blink, you just might miss it.
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Sarah Sherman's googly eyes were built by Saturday Night Live's longtime makeup department head Louie Zakarian; at New York Comic Con the two said the hardest part was seeing through the eyes and keeping them from fogging up.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:01
Coworker ?
All All right guys Focus Denver is counting us to come up with new slogan for the city.
- 00:09
Louann ?
Okay, how about Denver sky's the limit?
- 00:11
Coworker ?
That's good That's really good. All right.
- 00:14
Coworker ?
I was thinking Denver gateway to the Rockies
- 00:18
Coworker ?
Alright now we're talking.
- 00:20
Janine ?
Oh Who even cares?
- 00:23
Coworker ?
Janine you've had a bad attitude all morning. What's the problem?
- 00:27
Janine
Oh Nothing. Nothing. It's just that nobody noticed
- 00:33
Coworker ?
Noticed what?
- 00:35
Janine
Nobody noticed I got my eyes replaced!
- 00:38
Coworker ?
I No! No! Yeah, mean, we definitely noticed. We had an emergency meeting about it the second you walked in the door.
- 00:49
Coworker ?
Ultimately, we decided that legally, it would just be safest if we pretended we didn't see it.
- 00:54
Coworker ?
But since you brought it up, why did you do this, Janine?
- 00:58
Janine
This is ridiculous! Nobody's asking Luanne about why she got a huge fake rack.
- 01:05
Louann ?
I literally didn't.
- 01:06
Coworker ?
Oh, my God! Good for you!
- 01:10
Coworker ?
Janine, I can't help but feel you made a grave mistake.
- 01:14
Janine
Oh, don't worry about it. It's totally reversible. All I have to do is keep my old eyeballs refrigerated. Oh, my God! I Oh, my God, no! Oh, my God! I forgot to put my eyeballs in the refrigerator! Oh, my God, no! They've been loose in my pockets for the past 72 hours! Oh, my God, no! They're still good, right? Can you smell them? And tell me if they're still good, right? And you guys are smelling them? And they're good? I can't see your good facial expressions!
- 01:46
Coworker ?
Wait, your eyes are worse now?
- 01:49
Janine
Yes! 100%!
- 01:52
Coworker ?
Then why did you do it?
- 01:54
Janine
To improve my appearance.
- 01:57
Coworker ?
but it looks worse
- 01:59
Carl ?
hey
- 02:01
Janine ?
Oh, my God, no!
- 02:03
Carl
Hey, everybody sorry i'm late
- 02:05
Janine
hey carl what do you think my new eyeballs
- 02:08
Carl ?
and i'm going straight to church
- 02:10
Janine ?
guys come on seriously let's focus up okay we got a lot of business to take care of okay hey how about this denver city of angels
- 02:22
Coworker ?
that's los angeles
- 02:25
Janine
Oh, my God, are you serious? Oh, my God, no!
- 02:28
Coworker ?
Yeah, that's famously Los Angeles.
- 02:31
Janine
You know, don't be mean to me, okay? I can't cry because the tears go back inside my head, and my brain will drown.
- 02:39
Coworker ?
Your brain will drown? What are you talking about?
- 02:42
Janine
You know what? You people should be ashamed of yourselves. Today, you all put a woman's body on trial.
- 02:53
Coworker ?
you brought it up
- 02:54
Janine
you know what i came in this morning with a lot of great pitches pitches like denver city of angels denver keep austin weird
- 03:07
Coworker ?
you know we can't use that
- 03:10
Janine
so i quit and i'm leaving not in disgrace but with dignity elegance and class and i'm gonna be be taking my portfolio with me.
- 03:24
Coworker ?
That's coffee cake.
- 03:25
Janine
And of course, I will also be taking my jacket. And with that, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you all adieu. Oh, oh, oh my god, Ellen. I didn't know you were in here. You look amazing. See how how easy that was to pay a compliment to a friend.
- 03:49
Coworker ?
Janine, that's not a human being. That's a water cooler.
- 03:52
Janine
i'll leave you all with this life comes at you pretty fast and if you blink you just might miss it i'm not gonna miss a thing
- 04:14
Coworker ?
So, Denver... denver if you blink you'll miss it
- 04:20
Coworker ?
yeah i love that one that's really good. That's really good.
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
More from Saturday Night Live.
