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A Visit with Santa
SKETCH-O-VISION
A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.
The setup
Watch on YouTube
Watch onYouTube
The premise
Here’s the bit.
At a holiday photo set, a greeter lines up families to meet Santa, who promises his elf he will be gentler and then says yes to everything. A girl asks for toys, a boy trims his list and then adds a skateboard, headphones and an expensive hoodie, and the elf bristles at how little Santa pushes back. When a sweet-looking girl asks for concert tickets, the elf finally snaps, drags Santa aside to warn him that two billion children cannot all get a pass, and confesses the pair have a plan to keep up with demand that needs a shady supplement. They hunt for a lead among the kids until the closing photo freezes on a holiday card.
The funny people
Meet the cast. 7
Say it with us
Highly quotable.
He cannot operate on this level.
Then get a job!
A little extra
Notes from the archive.
Part of the December 10, 2022 episode (S48E8) co-hosted by Steve Martin and Martin Short, who play Santa and his elf Sprinkles.
Script
Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.
- 00:00
Greeter
Children of... Children of all ages, you've come to the right place. The actual Mr. Kris Kringle himself has come all the way from the North Pole in Santa!
- 00:11
Santa Claus
Ho, ho, ho! That is right! My schedule's a little crazy right now, but there's no place I'd rather be. Right, Sprinkles the Elf?
- 00:19
Sprinkles
That's right. Santa just can't say no to a hopeful child. Or my name isn't Pringles the Elf.
- 00:27
Santa Claus
Oh, is it Sprinkles or Pringles?
- 00:29
Sprinkles
It's Sprinkles, but sometimes I get excited and I say Pringles.
- 00:32
Santa Claus
I don't know. I like Pringles. Okay, good. You've been calling it Sprinkles for hundreds of years.
- 00:37
Sprinkles
Yeah, well, it's Sprinkles. I made a mistake. Drop it! Hey, Steve! Okay, who's first? This is Penny. She's nine, and I'm pretty sure she's your biggest fan.
- 00:48
Penny
Hi, Santa. I love you, Santa.
- 00:51
Santa Claus
Oh, isn't that sweet? Now, what do you want for Christmas this year?
- 00:54
Penny
Well, I would like a Magic Mixies crystal ball.
- 00:57
Santa Claus
Oh, that sounds like something I'd like, too.
- 01:00
Penny
And, um, a What the Fluff interactive toy cat.
- 01:04
Santa Claus
Oh, well, you're going to have to have that.
- 01:06
Penny
And, oh, things. I also...
- 01:08
Sprinkles
That's enough! Yes, for two things, That's enough. Read the room.
- 01:13
Penny
But I want a Rainbow High doll.
- 01:15
Sprinkles
I said no. It's too much. He can't do it.
- 01:17
Santa Claus
Sprinkles, of course I can do it. I'm Santa. You'll get all you asked for and more, Penny. I promise you.
- 01:23
Penny
Thanks, Santa.
- 01:23
Sprinkles
Next! Is that all right? Are they OK? Yep! It is? I said yes! Oh! OK, this is Danny. He's 11.
- 01:32
Danny
Hey. Hi. Uh, my mom says soon I'll be too old to come see you, so I should go now.
- 01:37
Santa Claus
Oh. Nonsense. You're never too old. Now, what do you want this year?
- 01:41
Danny
Uh, well, I was thinking I want a Razor X skateboard...
- 01:45
Santa Claus
Uh-huh.
- 01:45
Danny
...and Beats wireless headphones...
- 01:48
Santa Claus
Uh-huh. ...and a Todd Snyder popover hoodie.
- 01:50
Sprinkles
Oh, my God. Are you trying to kill him?
- 01:53
Santa Claus
What?
- 01:54
Sprinkles
He cannot operate on this level. You want a Todd Snyder what?
- 01:59
Danny
Popover hoodie.
- 02:00
Sprinkles
He doesn't know what that is!
- 02:02
Santa Claus
Of course I do. It's like a hoodie with a thingy. It's a wonderful gift.
- 02:06
Sprinkles
What happened to the AirPods he got you last year?
- 02:09
Danny
I lost them.
- 02:11
Sprinkles
Oh, you son of a bitch. Get out of here. No more shit. Now stay out. Next.
- 02:18
Santa Claus
Mr. Sprinkles.
- 02:19
Sprinkles
What? You have legs. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. For three years now, thanks for noticing.
- 02:25
Santa Claus
Yeah. This is amazing.
- 02:29
Sprinkles
Okay. I'm not sure this is a good idea, but this is Amanda.
- 02:34
Santa Claus
Oh, hi, Amanda. Aren't you cute?
- 02:37
Amanda
I want Taylor Swift tickets.
- 02:39
Sprinkles
Say that again, I dare you. I want Taylor Swift tickets.
- 02:44
Sprinkles
Then get a job!
- 02:47
Sprinkles
I'm sorry. Can I talk with you? What are you doing? You're just saying yes to everything.
- 02:54
Santa Claus
But I love children. There are two billion of them, and they all want a Fortnite Battle Passes, whatever the hell that is. Now, Sprinkles, calm down. Every year we wear it, we can't pull it off. But we always do. And we'll do it this year, too, I promise.
- 03:10
Sprinkles
With Christmas magic?
- 03:13
Santa Claus
Well, there's this other stuff I heard about. And it's called speed.
- 03:19
Sprinkles
Speed? What's that?
- 03:21
Santa Claus
Well, it's some kind of vitamin that makes you go faster. We just have to figure out where to get some.
- 03:26
Sprinkles
Well, can't you ask one of the kids if they have any?
- 03:28
Santa Claus
Well, I'm not allowed to ask them for stuff, but maybe if one of them brings it up, you know, I can kind of ask more.
- 03:32
Sprinkles
Okay, let's try. Okay. Hi, little girl. What's your name?
- 03:36
Lisa
Hi, I'm Lisa, and I want a pony. Uh-huh.
- 03:39
Santa Claus
That's great. You know anything about speed?
- 03:43
Lisa
No. What is that?
- 03:45
Santa Claus
Ah, this kid's nothing. Get out of here.
- 03:48
Sprinkles
That guy knows, I bet.
- 03:50
Santa Claus
Who, me?
- 03:51
Sprinkles
Oh, he knows. He knows. He definitely knows. Come here, little boy. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- 04:00
Santa Claus
And they take that. Christmas is big!
The rabbit hole continues
One more couldn’t hurt.
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