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The Ghost of Biden Past

Saturday Night Live 2021 Season 47 Episode 4

SKETCH-O-VISION

A VERY GOOD USE OF YOUR TIME.

The setup

A slumping President Biden gets a Halloween-season haunting from his carefree vice-presidential self, who can't believe how much less fun the job has become.

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Community rating

– / 10

The premise

Here’s the bit.

After his press secretary Jen Psaki bluntly reports that nobody watched his town hall and his approval numbers have cratered, President Biden is left alone in the Oval Office wishing he could be his old, beloved self again. In bursts a breezier Biden in a VP cap and jacket, announcing himself as a spirit from eight years earlier, when being vice president meant ice cream cones, aviators and finger guns. The visitor tries to coax his successor into loosening up, is dismayed to learn the touchy-feely habits no longer fly, delights in hearing how strange the previous administration was, and greets the senators stalling the infrastructure bill with a string of goofy wisecracks. A third, barely remembered Biden from March 2021 briefly pops in to check on them before wandering off. Before heading back to 2013, the ghost gives the president a pep talk about standing tall and remembering that they are both Joe Biden, leading into the show's opening line.

The funny people

Meet the cast. 4

Say it with us

Highly quotable.

Ice cold Psaki bomb.

The only mansion I care about is the Playboy Mansion.

That sounds like a Star Wars character.

ScriptEnglish · 54 turns

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

00:01
Joe Biden
Send in my press secretary, Jen Psaki.
00:03
Jen Psaki
Uh, wanted to see me, sir?
00:11
Joe Biden
Jen, I gotta tell you, you're dynamite in those press briefings with your quips and your one-liners. What do you call those little singers?
00:18
Jen Psaki
Uh, facts.
00:18
Jen Psaki
Though I believe the Internet calls them Saki bombs.
00:22
Joe Biden
Ah, yeah. Love that. Lay some of those facts on me.
00:26
Jen Psaki
Okay, um, your CNN town hall was watched by no one, and your approval rating is in the dumpster.
00:33
Joe Biden
Oh, I scold Saki bomb. But, hey, things are gonna turn around, right?
00:39
Jen Psaki
I'm, um, bad at lying, so I'm gonna leave.
00:44
Joe Biden
I don't understand. People used to like me. The press would call me Uncle Joe. I miss the old me. Where the hell did that guy go?
00:57
The Ghost of Biden Past
Hang on! There we go.
01:13
The Ghost of Biden Past
Trick Skirt cleats, smell my feet, and I'm just joking. How the hell are you, buddy?
01:17
Joe Biden
Wait a second, who are you?
01:18
The Ghost of Biden Past
Who am I? What do you mean, who am I? I'm you. I'm you from eight years ago, man. THE GHOST OF BIDEN PAST. BOOM!
01:27
Joe Biden
HOW CAN YOU BE ME? YOU SEEM SO HAPPY, SO CAREFREE. SO, SO, UH, WHAT'S THE WORD I'M LOOKING FOR?
01:35
The Ghost of Biden Past
LUCID.
01:37
The Ghost of Biden Past
YEAH, PARTNER. WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE I'M FROM, WE'RE STILL VP, YOU KNOW? EASIEST GIG IN THE WORLD. WE'RE LIKE AMERICA'S WACKY NEIGHBOR, YOU KNOW? JUST POP IN WITH AN ICE CREAM CONE, SOME AVIATOR SHADES, DO SOME FINGER GUNS, YOU KNOW, SHAKE A FEW HANDS, RUB A FEW SHOULDERS.
01:53
Joe Biden
Yeah, well, you can't do that anymore.
01:55
The Ghost of Biden Past
What? Which one? Rubbing shoulders or shaking hands?
01:58
Joe Biden
Clearly both.
01:59
The Ghost of Biden Past
Aw, come on, man. Loosen up, buddy. Come on, come on. What happened to us, huh? We used to be fine, right? Here, let me get a whiff. Oh, yeah, that's fine. Oh, yeah, I like that. I like that. You like that?
02:16
Joe Biden
Yeah, yeah, okay.
02:18
The Ghost of Biden Past
Hey, I hope this doesn't sound sexist, but you gotta smile more, sweetie, okay?
02:23
Joe Biden
It's hard to smile. The last president ruined everything.
02:26
The Ghost of Biden Past
Oh, yeah?
02:26
Joe Biden
They hung out with porn stars, served McDonald's in the White House, got into a fight with the Pope.
02:31
The Ghost of Biden Past
Wow. Hillary got awesome.
02:35
Joe Biden
Actually, uh...
02:36
The Ghost of Biden Past
What?
02:37
Joe Biden
Never mind.
02:38
The Ghost of Biden Past
Okay. All right.
02:39
Joe Biden
Well, look, I could really use your advice. I'm trying to pass this infrastructure bill that's being held up by these two senators.
02:45
The Ghost of Biden Past
Yeah.
02:45
Joe Biden
Joe Manchin.
02:46
The Ghost of Biden Past
Ah, screw Joe Manchin. The only Manchin I care about is the Playboy Manchin. Yeah! Whoo! That's classic 2K13 Biden right there, baby.
02:56
Joe Biden
Even worse than him, Senator Kyrsten Sinema.
02:59
The Ghost of Biden Past
Wait, Senator Sinema? That sounds like a Star Wars character. That's a real perv.
03:04
Hey. was great.
03:10
Joe Biden (March 2021)
How's it going, fellas? Just checking in.
03:14
The Ghost of Biden Past
Who the hell are you?
03:16
Joe Biden (March 2021)
I'm Joe Biden.
03:19
The Ghost of Biden Past
From when? When?
03:21
Joe Biden (March 2021)
March, 2021. You guys good? Need anything?
03:28
Joe Biden
Uh... Uh, we're okay.
03:30
The Ghost of Biden Past
Yeah, we're good, man. Yeah.
03:31
Joe Biden (March 2021)
All right, rock on.
03:33
Yeah, all right.
03:34
The Ghost of Biden Past
Good Good-looking guy. Yeah, oh, no. Good-looking guy. Handsome as hell. Yeah, no.
03:41
The Ghost of Biden Past
You know, I should probably just mosey on back to 2013. I actually got tickets to a Psy concert, Ope on Gangnam Style. That song's still popular, right?
03:50
Joe Biden
Come on, don't leave. What, what, what? I can't do this without you.
03:53
The Ghost of Biden Past
Oh, yeah, of course you can. Because guess what, buddy? You are me. Okay, now, I want you to stand tall.
03:59
Joe Biden
Okay, okay.
04:00
The Ghost of Biden Past
I want you to flash those 100% natural choppers we got. And remember, we may be from different eras, but at the end of the day, we're both Joe freakin' Biden.
04:14
The Ghost of Biden Past
And live from New York, it's Saturday Night Live!