Wayne Thanksgiving

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:06
   

   Assistant

   Bruce, the mayor once again thanks you for your generosity. Your annual Wayne Manor Holiday Food Drive has become an important tradition for our inner city in these hard times.

2. 00:16
   

   Bruce Wayne

   Please, whatever I can do to give back to the good citizens of Gotham is my pleasure.

3. 00:20
   

   Assistant

   Also, some of the people you helped this year would just like to personally say thank you if it's not too much trouble.

4. 00:26
   

   Bruce Wayne

   Oh, of course not. I would love to talk to them.

5. 00:28
   

   Assistant

   Okay, wonderful. Right this way.

6. 00:30

   Citizen

   Oh, thank you so much, Mr. Wayne. The food drive is a godsend. We haven't got this lucky since the Joker hijacked the Fresh Direct truck and left it open in the project.

7. 00:40
   

   Bruce Wayne

   Well, the Joker is a bad man, and we're very lucky that Batman has brought him to justice.

8. 00:46

   Citizen

   Either way, me and my son are very thankful.

9. 00:49
   

   Malik

   Okay, ask her now, Mama.

10. 00:51

    Citizen

    Boy, I am not bothering this nice man. He has done a good thing. Let it go.

11. 00:56
    

    Bruce Wayne

    What is it, son? You can ask your old pal Bruce anything.

12. 01:00
    

    Malik

    Okay, Bruce, you know how Batman is always so tough on crime?

13. 01:05
    

    Bruce Wayne

    He sure is, son, and I'll tell you a little secret. I actually know Batman.

14. 01:10
    

    Malik

    Okay, well, can you tell him to cool it down in our neighborhoods?

15. 01:15
    

    Bruce Wayne

    Uh, cool it down? What do you mean?

16. 01:18
    

    Malik

    Somebody's got to do something about him. I mean, he broke my best friend's jaw in two places, and all he did was steal a TV. That's excessive.

17. 01:25
    

    Bruce Wayne

    Malik. It's okay, man. Listen, Malik, stealing is a crime and Batman doesn't take crime lightly

18. 01:32
    

    Malik

    obviously cuz then he ziplined him to the top of a building and then left him hanging for like 30 minutes 30 stories up by a gargoyle by his underwear

19. 01:42
    

    Bruce Wayne

    well Batman fights crime wherever he sees it

20. 01:46
    

    Malik

    just seems like he's in our neighborhood all the time

21. 01:49

    yeah

22. 01:51

    Citizen

    Who y'all talkin' about, Batman? Yeah. Man. somebody gotta do something about him that's you know he broke my jaw in three just for littering.

23. 02:00

    -"For real?" -"See, I told you."

24. 02:02

    Citizen

    -"Yeah, he did that backhand thing, like to knock all my damn teeth out."

25. 02:05
    

    Bruce Wayne

    -"All right, well, there's a lot of other families that would like to talk to me now."

26. 02:09

    Citizen

    -"Then he picked my ass up in that zip-line thing, sent me flying like 30 stories up on a gargoyle, and just left me there, hanging by my drawers."

27. 02:18
    

    Malik ?

    -"Why does he always leave brother snaggling from the gargoyle?"

28. 02:21

    Citizen ?

    -"It's weird. That's my whole point."

29. 02:23
    

    Bruce Wayne

    -"Look, crime happens really fast. I'm sure Batman has to make a lot of split-second judgment calls."

30. 02:28

    Citizen

    -"Who y'all talking about, Batman? Yeah. Somebody got to do something about him, man. Man, my car stalled out in the middle of the road one night, and he came out of nowhere, broke all my damn windows, snatched me out the car, and threw me in the side of a Best Buy.

31. 02:42

    Citizen ?

    Did your jaw break?

32. 02:43

    Citizen

    Oh, for sure, immediately. Goes without saying that he just leaves me hanging there. I'm like, um, hello, am I under arrest? Am I gonna get charged for something?

33. 02:52

    Citizen

    You know, he crashed a full plane on my street and then just walked away. I was like, I guess my mercury bobcat's under here somewhere.

34. 03:01
    

    Bruce Wayne

    Look, I'm sorry.

35. 03:02

    Citizen ?

    Sorry? Why are you sorry?

36. 03:04
    

    Bruce Wayne

    I'm just empathizing. Like, I'm sorry for you.

37. 03:07

    Citizen ?

    Mm.

38. 03:08

    Citizen

    Well, I'll tell you what. I hope somebody kicks Batman's ass. Whoo!

39. 03:12

    Citizen ?

    I would love that. We should all jump him. The whole community. Teach him a lesson. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

40. 03:18

    Citizen ?

    Get, like, all the baseball bats we can find and break his jaw for a change.

41. 03:22
    

    Malik

    Yeah, leave him hanging by his drawers for a change.

42. 03:25
    

    Bruce Wayne

    I don't think that's a good idea, guys.

43. 03:28
    

    Malik

    You're right. We should burn his cave down. Yeah!

44. 03:31
    

    Bruce Wayne

    No, not my cave.

45. 03:32

    What? What?

46. 03:33
    

    Bruce Wayne

    Is what he would say, I'm sure. Look, I'll talk to Batman for you guys. I'll tell him to give you guys a break. He's not a bad guy, I swear.

47. 03:41

    Citizen

    What, you're talking about Batman?

48. 03:42

    Yeah!

49. 03:44
    

    Malik ?

    Somebody's got to do something about him.

50. 03:46

    Citizen

    Oh, don't worry about that. My cousin is locked up with a yoker right now, and they're cooking up the perfect plan to get rid of him for good.

51. 03:53

    Citizen ?

    That's what I'm talking about.

52. 03:55
    

    Bruce Wayne

    Whatever I can do to help. Uh, so what's this plan?

53. 03:57

    Citizen ?

    Don't worry about it, Mr. Wayne. You've done enough for us. Come on, y'all. I'll tell you all about it. The Joker's gonna cut off the Batman's wiener.

54. 04:04
    

    Bruce Wayne ?

    The wiener is what he will say.