Christmas Party

Automatically generated script; wording may contain errors. Speaker labels are inferred.

1. 00:00

   Well, it is Christmassy as all hell in here. Sorry I said hell. I've had too many of these guys. How much Baileys is in this, Ron?

2. 00:09
   

   Ron

   It's all Baileys, my man.

3. 00:11
   

   Ron

   Oh, oh, oh! That's probably Crystal and Gene. They said they were arriving late. Oh, Merry Christmas! Come on in.

4. 00:18
   

   Crystal

   Sorry. This is one of the plain.

5. 00:20

   Oh, man. Here we go.

6. 00:23
   

   Ron

   Can I get you a Baileys on the rocks?

7. 00:24
   

   Gene

   Oh, thank you. Thank you. I love one.

8. 00:26
   

   Crystal

   Oh, do me a favor. Get him a Diet Pepsi.

9. 00:28
   

   Gene

   Oh, baby, come on. Now I can't even have a drink? Oh, sweetie Crystal, come on.

10. 00:33
    

    Ron

    Uh, Gene, have a drink if you want.

11. 00:35
    

    Gene

    Oh, no, Ryan, I shouldn't push it. Do you have straws?

12. 00:39
    

    Ron

    Well, we have the crazy straws that our kids like to use.

13. 00:42
    

    Crystal

    Mm, that'll do.

14. 00:43
    

    Gene

    Oh, baby, come on. Don't make me use a child's crazy straw. Come on, Crystal, please.

15. 00:49
    

    Crystal

    I'm not gonna listen to you slurp, Gene.

16. 00:51
    

    Gene

    Oh, well, I'm drinking quiet, honey. Come on, baby, I don't slurp.

17. 00:54
    

    Crystal

    You think you don't slurp, Gene? Here.

18. 00:59
    

    Gene

    Okay. I guess I'll take it.

19. 01:01
    

    Reggie

    So, you, uh, you do everything your wife says there, Jean?

20. 01:05
    

    Gene

    What? What'd you... What? You... No. No, you got it all wrong. She just knows what's better for me. That's all. I'm very... I'm very lucky.

21. 01:15
    

    Crystal

    Jean! I'm under the mistletoe. Get over here and kiss me.

22. 01:19
    

    Gene

    Oh. Okay. All right. Oh, I'm on my way, sweetie. Okay.

23. 01:24
    

    Reggie

    You better snap to it, Jean.

24. 01:25
    

    Gene

    Oh, come on, now. Hey, Reggie, come on, now. Don't bust my chops like that.

25. 01:29
    

    Crystal

    Come on. Hurry up! Do you know how desperate I look right now?

26. 01:33
    

    Gene

    Oh, well, I'm coming, hon. I just, you know, I just...

27. 01:36
    

    Crystal

    You know what? Forget it. You're too late. Go kiss yourself.

28. 01:41
    

    Gene

    Well, baby, how do I kiss myself? I don't know how to even do that.

29. 01:44
    

    Crystal

    Then grab that life-size Christmas bear under the tree and kiss it.

30. 01:50
    

    Gene

    Oh, baby, I really got to go kiss that oversized teddy bear, the one with the overalls? Come on, Crystal. Come on.

31. 01:56
    

    Crystal

    Yes, and make it a good one, Gene.

32. 01:59
    

    Gene

    What, like a big kiss? You talking the whole thing, Crystal, baby? Come on, now.

33. 02:04
    

    Crystal

    Yes, a French kiss, and I want to see a lot of tongue, Gene.

34. 02:08
    

    Ron

    Oh, Gene, you do not have to do that.

35. 02:10
    

    Gene

    Oh, well, no, I better. I don't want Crystal to be mad.

36. 02:16
    

    Crystal

    Kiss that teddy bear like you mean it. Show them what I have to deal with every night, Gene.

37. 02:22
    

    Gene

    Well, come on now, Crystal. I don't want them to see our secrets. Come on, baby, now.

38. 02:26
    

    Crystal

    Do it!

39. 02:27

    Yeah, we don't want to see your secrets, either.

40. 02:30
    

    Crystal

    Tell that bear how hot it looks.

41. 02:33
    

    Gene

    How hot he looks.

42. 02:34

    What do you mean, he?

43. 02:36
    

    Crystal

    Let's do it!

44. 02:37
    

    Gene

    Oh, come on, now, Crystal. All right, your booty look good in the dungarees.

45. 02:43

    His booty? What is happening?

46. 02:46
    

    Crystal

    Take that bear's Christmas overalls off, Gene.

47. 02:50
    

    Gene

    Oh, Crystal, baby, don't make me undress the teddy bear. Come on, Crystal.

48. 02:54

    Hey, Gene, you don't have to do that, man. Yeah, this isn't your house. And that's Elaine's Christmas gift.

49. 03:00
    

    Gene

    Yeah, well, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I just got to pick my battles with Crystal.

50. 03:06
    

    Crystal

    Get the overalls off. Come on. You're making that bear work. Show him what you really like, Gene.

51. 03:12
    

    Gene

    Oh, but, baby, come on now. Those are my bedroom fantasies.

52. 03:15
    

    Crystal

    Do it!

53. 03:17
    

    Gene

    Well, I don't see any fingers or nothing on the bear, Crystal. Let me get his... Let me get the leg out the pants or something now. Come on. I'll do this, and I'll just turn the bed.

54. 03:26

    Hey, stand up for yourself, man. You don't have to do that, man.

55. 03:30
    

    Ron

    Get off my stuffed bear.

56. 03:36
    

    Gene

    You know what, honey? You've been laying into me heavy all night in front of all of my employees. But I think, I think just maybe you're going too far. Okay? Now, I'm not going to try to put my... You know what I am. I'm gonna put my foot down right now, and I'm gonna say, that's it. No more. No more. I'm not gonna do this no more. I will not make out with this life-size teddy bear anymore.

57. 04:05
    

    Crystal

    Hmm. Somebody gets a little diaphexy in him, and suddenly, he's all man. How about we go home and you get on top?

58. 04:14
    

    Gene

    Oh, baby, come on. Now, I got to be on...

59. 04:17
    

    Crystal

    Come on, T!

60. 04:18
    

    Gene

    All right, sweetie. Well, let me get the bear so we can finish where we started. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

61. 04:24

    I know.

62. 04:25
    

    Gene

    We done made a mess here. I'm sorry.

63. 04:27
    

    Ron

    Oh, did they just, did they take Elaine's gift with them?

64. 04:30

    It's okay.